T -1yr and Counting

So, my brother (Jeremy) is getting married exactly 1 year from yesterday. He called last night to ask me to be in the wedding - how exciting! It will be my honor to stand with him and Jean as they embark on this adventure together. And how cool that the wedding will be in Yosemite N.P.! Beautiful, simply beautiful (or so it appears from the photos I've seen). Check out their website for more info if you're interested...

That Which Costs Me Nothing

I must confess that I've been rather distracted recently. Maybe it's my new, fun, single friends; maybe it's the longer, warmer summer days; maybe it's the fact that my accountability partner was MIA for awhile... But for whatever reason, my God-time has definitely been lacking of late. So, in an attempt to get back on track, I pulled out an old book this week, a classic I read in college called Lady in Waiting. The first chapter, Lady of Reckless Abandonment, talks about finding fulfillment in God alone and using your time of singleness to really develop that relationship. Good stuff.

But the one thing that really stood out to me was a particular verse, 2 Samuel 24:24. Before this, David is told to build an altar to the Lord on Araunah's threshing floor. When he tries to buy the threshing floor, however, Araunah offers to simply give it to him instead, along with oxen for the burnt offering, tools, etc. "But the king [David] replied to Araunah, 'No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing.' So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen..." This passage reminds me of the story of the poor widow giving everything she had in the temple (Luke 21:1-4). Jesus praised her, saying, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on."

Convicting. Not so much about money, but about time. When I offer up to Jesus the last few minutes of my day, when there's nothing to watch on T.V. and no more websites to distract myself with, when I'm already half asleep... that costs me nothing. And it's worth nothing. If He is my top priority, as I say that He is, it's high time I start making decisions that reflect that.

People or Places

I've always enjoyed photography, but recently I've noticed that my preferred subject matter has changed. I used to take primarily landscape photos, waiting patiently until people moved out of the frame so I could capture the natural beauty of a scenic place. When I showed my pictures to students and friends in China, however, they would invariably complain about the fact that I wasn't in any of the photos. My logic? I already know what I look like, so why do I need photos of me? (That, and I was usually the one taking the pictures.) When I looked through their photos, I thought it was a little strange that they had to pose in the foreground of every shot.

But lately, I've realized that all my landscape photos sort of look alike, especially when I travel to the same places over and over. I mean, how many pictures of mountains and trees and streams in the Smokies do I need? The people, though, make each trip different and special, and those are the photos I'm probably going to look back through with warm memories. (Although I do still need to get better about taking pictures of more everyday activities rather than only when I'm on some special trip.) Anyway, just thought I'd take this opportunity to share with you a few pictures of some of the cool people I've had the pleasure of adventuring with over the last year... Enjoy!

Stupid Materialism

Every year in early November, my mom starts asking for Christmas ideas. My brother struggles to think of anything he needs or wants, which is sometimes frustrating when trying to buy for him, but I never have any problem coming up with a long list of things I'd like to have. That's even more frustrating, though, because I never seem to be satisfied. And I hate it. I know that possessions are worthless, so why do I always seem to want more? Why do I envy friends with nicer homes, or furniture, or gadgets, or... whatever?

Compared to the general population, I'm quite good with my money: I've never NOT paid a credit card bill in its entirety, for example, and I do acually have a retirement account which is growing, if ever so slowly. But that's not really a good measure since the general population is just foolish when it comes to finances. I want to be a better saver, I want to be able to give more to the Great Commission... I want to not want more all the time.

Then along comes this silly Economic Stimulus check. What's up with that? I admit that I don't really understand the logic behind this plan, but maybe that's because I'm not planning to go buy a new HDTV just because the government throws a few hundred dollars my way. My IRA could use that money; my car insurance is due pretty soon; I have a bit of tithing to catch up on... Oh, I'll definitely use the money, don't get me wrong, but probably not in the way the powers-that-be are hoping. Sorry! (O.k., not really.) Still, I do have to admit that every now and then a pesky little thought emerges from the back of my mind: "Ooh, free money!" it says. "Think of all the cool stuff you could buy with that: clothes, a new cell phone, aerobars for your bike..." Stupid materialism.

Just One of the Guys

O.k., time for me to bare my soul.

When I first went to China in the summer of 2000 to teach at an English camp for middle-schoolers, one of their assignments at the end of our six weeks together was to write an essay about their American teacher. Here are a few excerpts from my students' essays:

• "Jenn is tall and strong. She can remove a big desk and turn it over by herself. I'm sure if you see this you will be so surprised." Louisa
• "She is a active person. Sometimes she likes a girl. The smile always on her face. She also make us very happy. We studies with her feel happily. But sometimes I think she likes a boy. Because her very strong and tall." Angel
• "She's hair is golden, though it is not really. I think it's very beautiful. Because the girls always like making themselves more beautiful. She's eyes are blue. I like her eyes, too. Jenn is very tall, also very strong. Jack said if Jenn was angry, nobody could fight with she. It's only a joke, don't be angry with me, please." Gary
• "Jenn is very tall and strong, like a man, but she is very beautiful and always there is a smile on her face. . . . I think Jenn is good at P.E. and very strong. She is very brisk." Connie
• "She was very tall and strong. I think she was good at sport, maybe American football." Sophia

Obviously, there is a theme here...

At the time, I didn't mind these comments. And yet, more recently, I've become very sensitive and self-conscious about this because I've been criticized for being too strong and not feminine enough. So, as a result, I now avoid strength training of any kind in favor of cardio, I won't wear t-shirts out in public, I always put on a little make-up before going out, and I'm growing out my hair. Why? Honestly? To try to fit the image of what I think guys want in a girl. In reality, I know that this past experience relates to a solitary guy whose opinion is likely not universal, and yet these wounds run deep; even though I hate that I give them such power in my present life, they still influence so many of my decisions.

For many reasons, I feel like I'm often seen as "just one of the guys." In some ways, I love this: I love that I can keep up with the boys playing sports or climbing things or taking crazy dares... But on the other hand, it scares me to think that perhaps, because I'm "just one of the guys," I'm somehow not dateable. I want my future husband to be my best friend, and it's very important to me to be able to play together since quality time is my primary love language.

In certain regards, yes, I am more like one of the guys: I'm not that emotional and I rarely cry; I don't take offense easily and can pretty much handle whatever you have to tell me; and I prefer to bond while doing something together rather than just talking. But there are many things about guys I still just don't get, like why they fart so much, or why they all seem to want motorcycles, or why they think violence is fun.

Even though I may seem strong and independent, I still feel weak a lot of the time, and I long for a man who will protect me. And I want to be the soft, gentle, encouraging, nurturing woman who makes my man feel that much stronger. I guess what I'm saying is that I am complex, and I hope and pray that I will be understood and cherished for my many unique characteristics rather than made to feel ashamed of who God made me. That's all.

Written Language in the Digital Age

Emails, blogs, IMs, text messages... These new forms of communication have become the standard in our digital age and are undoubtedly more convenient than their precursors in many ways. And yet I can't help feeling like we're losing the art of written language as we become more reliant on these modern technologies. Maybe I'm too traditional, but I still prefer to read things with "proper" grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc., and I must admit that I judge people based on their writing skills. Poor grammar is the most offensive, followed by misspelling, and lastly punctuation (or lack thereof). If, however, you take the time to do these things well, I will respect you that much more. I should also confess that I always proofread even the most casual emails I send, and still feel rather uncomfortable IMing without capitalizing or punctuating. (Is that a word?) But don't get me wrong: I'm still a linguist rather than a grammarian. So go ahead and end a sentence with a preposition!

(And now I'm reading and rereading this post, wondering what errors people are going to point out... That's fine, feel free.)

No News Is... Maybe Not Good

I've never really been interested in the news. But I'm beginning to feel rather ashamed of my apathy and ignorance.

When I was in China in 2004, a student asked me what I thought of Kerry. I had to ask him to repeat his question, not because I didn't understand the words he spoke but because I had no background information to connnect his words to in my mind. And that is how I learned who was running against Bush in the presidential election. (Don't worry, I didn't vote. Although that is perhaps disconcerting in and of itself and might become the topic of a future post...)

In China, I had the excuse of being far from home where it was difficult to access information about current events. It was also decidedly convenient NOT to have an opinion at times in order to avoid debates about sensitive subjects. But really, I just didn't care. Since I've been back in the States, I still haven't made it a priority to keep up-to-date on the goings-on of the world, or even my own country or city. I don't get the newspaper, I don't have cable or even an antenna to watch local channels on TV, and I don't visit news sites online. In fact, the only news source I currently follow is a handy email sent to me weekly from ZGBriefs, which highlights news stories from China. Yet I remain completely ignorant of the myriad newsworthy events occuring daily in the U.S. and throughout the rest of the world.

Why? Well, it's hard for me to care about things that don't affect me directly. But I'm beginning to think that perhaps my perception of "what affects me" is a little skewed. I mean, it's easy to see how knowing the weather forecast is useful, but maybe, just maybe, politics and wars and international relations and economic trends affect me more than I realize. So how do I cure this apathy?

What I Miss Most About China

10. The accessibility of delicious, authentic Chinese cuisine
9. The convenience of public transportation
8. The opportunity to bargain for practically everything you buy
7. Being rich
6. Being famous
5. Being surrounded by another language
4. I loved my job
3. I got to experience some new adventure every day
2. I felt an incredible sense of purpose just being there
1. My students and friends :-)

No Regrets

I have very few regrets in life. Even bad decisions I made or situations that turned out badly I tend to view as learning and growing experiences that have shaped me into the person that I am today. I'm even learning to praise God for these things because He always seems to find a way to bring good out of them.

But... I vividly recall one event from my past that I do still regret, and it continues to influence the decisions I make to this day.

One summer, my family took a vacation to Cancun, Mexico. In addition to enjoying the beach near our hotel, we also traveled around a bit and took in some sites, including Chichen Itza. Well, the weather that day wasn't the greatest, and after getting showered upon during our tour of the old Mayan ruins, I was grumpy. So when my dad asked if we wanted to climb to the top of the huge pyramid that dominates the center of this famous archealogical site, I said "no," and my mom and I waited at the bottom while my brother and dad climbed El Castillo. They enjoyed a completely different perspective from atop that pyramid that I may never have another opportunity to experience.

That is why, if I am ever asked to try some new and interesting thing, even if I'm not very excited about it, I will most likely do it anyway. Because I have never regretted trying something new, only missing out on opportunities like I did that summer in Mexico.

For example, even though the music was not my favorite, I still got some pretty cool pictures from the Beijing opera I attended in Harbin.

And even though the mountain streams and waterfall were crazy cold, I was still able to bond with my buddies in a way I couldn't have had I not just jumped right in.

Excessive Revelation

I have this terrible habit of disclosing far more information than is necessary. Obviously, honesty and openness are to be valued, but at what point does it become excessive?

I'd really appreciate feedback on this one, too, since this is definitely an area that I struggle with. For example: In your experience, what kinds of information have you received that you really would have preferred NOT to have been told? (I use the word "information," but I'm probably referring to more personal things like thoughts or feelings...) On the other hand, have there been times when you wished that you had received more information or received it sooner? And finally, if you've ever been in a situation where you were tempted to disclose something that you suspected would be better left unsaid, how did you restrain yourself?

Why I Blog

When I told one friend that I started this blog, she asked about the purpose of such public musings. Apparently, one blog she had visited was simply describing mundane events of the author's days, something she was not very excited to read about. But I've become quite engrossed by certain friends' blogs, checking in frequently to discover the latest topic up for discussion and to read all of the questions and comments that ensued. My hope is that my own blog will become more like the latter.

So I've been thinking about the purpose for my embarking on this blogging journey, and here's what I've come up with:

1. Blogging is a useful tool for learning more about and keeping in touch with friends.
2. Writing helps me process my own thoughts and feelings and learn more about myself.
3. We all have a deep-seated longing to be known and understood; I am no exception.
4. I hope to receive feedback about the issues I address, whether personal or more global. So please, leave your comments!

Exercise

If you know me at all, you know I'm a big fan. Partially, I work out because I know it's good for me and it's a tool so that I don't have to worry so much about what I eat, but mostly it's just fun. Sure, there are days when I have to force myself to drive to the gym for a spinning class or an hour of swimming when I'd really rather just... well, play online, probably. But for the most part, when I'm biking with friends, or playing racquetball or soccer, I don't even realize I'm exercising. Or like last night, I was at a friend's house for a graduation dinner/party/get-together thing. After a delicious meal of steak, mashed potatoes, broccoli, salad, fresh-baked bread, cake, AND pie, we all went outside to play in the backyard. It was like being a kid again: making up games with wiffleball bats and tennis balls, tossing around a football, playing catch, stealing the neighbor kids' scooters... We must have been running around for a couple of hours, and I think we more than worked off all the calories we consumed. (Not to mention the amazing ab workout we got laughing while playing indoor games after it got dark...)

Yeah, so what's my point? I guess just that exercise should be fun. And I'm sad that some people still view it as work and something they dread rather than something they look forward to. How 'bout you? What have you found that you enjoy doing that also gets your heart pumping?

One Year...

O.k., so let's get real here.

Last Monday would have been my anniversary. And Tuesday was one year since he left for good. So I've had a lot to process this week.

Actually, when I think about how far God has brought me since last May, it feels like much more than a year has passed. At that time, I was still pretty confused about everything, still angry with God for not answering my fervent prayers, still holding on to some sort of hope, not wanting to let go or get over him or move on. In fact, I'm really quite amazed at how quickly my healing process progressed through the summer and beyond. I think a lot of that had to do with the amazing friends that God blessed me with during that difficult time. Our Friday night small group seems to have changed a bit over the last year or so - a lot more single folks now, interestingly enough - but it's still as awesome as ever. I honestly don't know what I would do without the friends that I've made at the Chinese Church. You guys rock!

Which is one reason why I was so excited to get away to the Smoky Mountains last weekend with a group of them: I got to share one of my favorite places with some of my favorite people. The trip was particularly significant for me, too, because it was the first time I've been back there since everything that happened last year, and one of only a few times I've been there without him. Maybe now my travel companions will better understand why I got a little emotional as I thanked them for accompanying me on this journey...

Well, anyway, there ya go. God is good. I still don't understand all of the why's, but I'm excited to get on with this adventure called life and to discover all that He still wants to do in and through me!

Reminiscent

So, I got a note on my door yesterday afternoon telling me that our water would be turned off today. "We apologize for the inconvenience," it said. I just smiled. It actually made me happy, because suddenly I felt like I was back in China again, only there I wouldn't have had a day's notice. (I'm not sure if the water or electricity there would go out without anyone's knowledge, or if they just didn't see the need to tell us about such things, but either way, we just made sure to always be prepared with five or ten 2-liter bottles filled and stored away just in case.)

So this morning I filled a couple large stock pots in the kitchen for washing hands or dishes, or just whatever, and I filled the bathtub with water I could use to flush the toilet today. It's been fine. Fun, even. And I can't stop smiling now as I remember all the adventures I encountered during my two years in China... :)

Jenny-come-lately

Welcome to This Adventure Called my Life! So, why now, you ask? Well, let's see...

I first heard about blogging three years ago from a guy in my master's program who was researching the use of technology in Chinese classrooms. But I still had no idea what a blog was. In fact, I never really "got it" until recently. And it all started with facebook. When I first got into the facebook phenomenon, I found myself thinking about what I should change my status update to while I was out doing something cool. Then, after discovering the joys of keeping in touch with (or at least keeping track of) friends via facebook, I also started reading several friends' blogs. Lately, I've been thinking of all sorts of things I'd like to write about, but until now have had no outlet to do that. So here I am! Don't know how this is all going to go, but I'll definitely keep you "posted!"