Retreat Reflections

It's been awhile since I've taken a weekend away to really focus all my attention on my God. And what a beautiful God he is! I hate to admit it, but I often forget that... Still, there's something about the twinkling of a million stars or a hundred eyes to remind you that God is good.

I was reminded this weekend that truth and faith go hand in hand, and convicted to spend more time learning about and meditating on the truth of who God is and who I am in him.

I was refreshed by humble, honest, beautiful times of worship. I cannot imagine a life without the gift of music, because often times these melodies are the only way I can praise my God when words are not enough.

I was encouraged by the passion of the kids I was supposedly there to lead, and humbled because I realized just how inadequate I was to do that.

And I learned a few random things about myself, too:

I treasure independence to an unhealthy extreme. I'm afraid to need people, (even though I sometimes think I need a man to love and affirm me,) and that sometimes translates into being afraid to need God as well. I know I've put up these walls because of wounds from my past, but I also know that God will never let me down. And yet I find it hard to surrender my "strength" to the tenderness of his touch.

In the midst of pondering these things, God seemed to answer me with this song by Tenth Avenue North called By Your Side:

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you