Acts 12

This chapter opens with Herod killing James the brother of John and then imprisoning Peter. The church prayed earnestly for him, and miraculously he escaped one night with the aid of an angel. Sounds a bit too incredible to be real, right? I don't know, we see lots of miracles in the Scriptures. Too bad God doesn't move like that today, eh?

But actually, this account sounds a lot like the stories of Brother Yun, an intensely persecuted Chinese house church leader, as recorded in his autobiography The Heavenly Man. (If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it.) It reminds me that God is alive and active in our world today, as much as he was in the days of the early church. True, in this country we don't often see God working in such miraculous ways, but I think that's mostly because we don't need or expect him to.

Tonight, I'm praising God for his power and his passion for his people. And I'm praying that I would learn to truly believe and trust him to work miraculously in my life.

It's All In the Name

I found this little news story interesting, so perhaps you will as well...

Chinese babies named 'Olympic Games'
(June 11, 2008, BBC News)
More than 4,000 children in China have been given the name Aoyun, meaning Olympic Games, in the past 15 years. The rise in popularity of the name is seen as a sign of support for the Games being staged in August in Beijing. Officials in charge of identity cards say that more than 92% of the 4,104 registered Aoyuns are boys. It is not uncommon for Chinese children to be given names of common events and popular slogans - such as Defend China, Build the Nation and Space Travel. There are 290,798 registered Civilisations. The first surge in Aoyuns came in 1992, when China applied to host to the 2000 Games. About 680 Aoyuns were registered at the time. In 2002 another 553 Aoyuns were named, after China was chosen to host the 2008 Games. The BBC's Chinese service says that in recent weeks babies have also been given names such as Hope for Sichuan, to show solidarity with earthquake victims.

Designed For What?

One of my teammates the first summer I went to China asked us a simple question that has stuck with me ever since: Have you ever felt like you were doing exactly what God designed you to do? At the time, I answered, "Yes, right now," and that's why I went back. There were some challenges and struggles living in China, to be sure, yet if circumstances had been different, I'd probably still be there. In fact, I pretty much think about it daily. So why don't I go? Well, mostly it's a financial thing. Not so much about support-raising, but about the sad state of my IRA. There are other fears that deter me, too: traveling alone, never meeting anyone I might want to date/marry, gaining weight again... Still, I can't shake this feeling that I'm supposed to be there. Is that a God thing, a "calling" perhaps? I wish I knew...

Grumpy

So I kinda feel like I'm in China again today, because I've got clothes lying out all over my apartment to dry. Only in China that was common and expected because they don't really have dryers, but here I'm just peeved because I wasted $2.50. (That's 2 dryers; the first one wouldn't even start after I put the quarters in.) I've had this happen before and it wasn't really a big deal, but this time I was already in a bad mood because my AC hasn't been fixed yet even though I called about it a week ago, and it's in the 90s. In fact, we're supposed to approach or maybe even break some records this weekend, which is terrible timing since I have my first triathlon of the year on Sunday. You know, it's a lot harder to run and bike in 95-degree weather than in 80-degree weather, which I discovered today. So my plan is to go into the office of my apartment complex tomorrow and demand they fix the AC or else give me a room in the inn on the premises, or just give me back my rent money for the month. 'Cause this is ridiculous.

O.k., enough complaining... But boy, I sure am missing my Harbin winters right about now!

Television (Warning: Random Thoughts...)

So I've been feeling like I'm back in China recently.

Let me explain: See, we couldn't watch T.V. in China, or rather we could, but we just couldn't understand anything so we didn't bother. Instead, we watched a lot of Friends, CSI and Alias on DVD. Can't tell you how many times I've see each episode of Friends... Anyway, a couple months ago I fasted from T.V. for a month, which was fine, easy even. So much so that I'm not even sure when the fast ended because I never really started to watch it again. So then I figured, why pay for even the cheap-o $10 cable when I'm not using it? So I cancelled my service. Now, I get nothing. Not even your basic, local channels... nothing. You'd think that'd be great, that I'd get so much more done because I don't have that distraction anymore. And yet, it seems I'm more distracted now because of the vastness of this beast we call the internet. Before, I'd go to bed at about 11:30 because there was nothing else good on, (since I only had your basic, local channels,) but now I'm usually online till midnight, or 1:00, or 2:00... It's bad. And yet, not even as relaxing as just sitting back to watch a show on T.V.

So then last night, I got back from a really good workout, exhausted, and I really just wanted to watch an hour of T.V. before hitting the sack. But alas, I couldn't. Then I remembered that you can now watch T.V. online! Excited at the possibility, I opened up my web browser and started looking around for an episode of CSI. But I guess I'm not very tech-savvy, 'cause I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to go about finding a show to watch. Sure, I googled something like "watch TV online free" and found lots of websites offering something - news or sports channels, short clips from shows, etc. - but not what I was looking for. The only place I actually found where I could maybe watch an episode, tv-video.net, wouldn't actually play it. Don't know what's up with that...

Anyway, all this to say that I almost broke out the Friends DVDs again. I put in a movie instead, (which I promptly fell asleep in front of,) but I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out...

Just One of the Guys

O.k., time for me to bare my soul.

When I first went to China in the summer of 2000 to teach at an English camp for middle-schoolers, one of their assignments at the end of our six weeks together was to write an essay about their American teacher. Here are a few excerpts from my students' essays:

• "Jenn is tall and strong. She can remove a big desk and turn it over by herself. I'm sure if you see this you will be so surprised." Louisa
• "She is a active person. Sometimes she likes a girl. The smile always on her face. She also make us very happy. We studies with her feel happily. But sometimes I think she likes a boy. Because her very strong and tall." Angel
• "She's hair is golden, though it is not really. I think it's very beautiful. Because the girls always like making themselves more beautiful. She's eyes are blue. I like her eyes, too. Jenn is very tall, also very strong. Jack said if Jenn was angry, nobody could fight with she. It's only a joke, don't be angry with me, please." Gary
• "Jenn is very tall and strong, like a man, but she is very beautiful and always there is a smile on her face. . . . I think Jenn is good at P.E. and very strong. She is very brisk." Connie
• "She was very tall and strong. I think she was good at sport, maybe American football." Sophia

Obviously, there is a theme here...

At the time, I didn't mind these comments. And yet, more recently, I've become very sensitive and self-conscious about this because I've been criticized for being too strong and not feminine enough. So, as a result, I now avoid strength training of any kind in favor of cardio, I won't wear t-shirts out in public, I always put on a little make-up before going out, and I'm growing out my hair. Why? Honestly? To try to fit the image of what I think guys want in a girl. In reality, I know that this past experience relates to a solitary guy whose opinion is likely not universal, and yet these wounds run deep; even though I hate that I give them such power in my present life, they still influence so many of my decisions.

For many reasons, I feel like I'm often seen as "just one of the guys." In some ways, I love this: I love that I can keep up with the boys playing sports or climbing things or taking crazy dares... But on the other hand, it scares me to think that perhaps, because I'm "just one of the guys," I'm somehow not dateable. I want my future husband to be my best friend, and it's very important to me to be able to play together since quality time is my primary love language.

In certain regards, yes, I am more like one of the guys: I'm not that emotional and I rarely cry; I don't take offense easily and can pretty much handle whatever you have to tell me; and I prefer to bond while doing something together rather than just talking. But there are many things about guys I still just don't get, like why they fart so much, or why they all seem to want motorcycles, or why they think violence is fun.

Even though I may seem strong and independent, I still feel weak a lot of the time, and I long for a man who will protect me. And I want to be the soft, gentle, encouraging, nurturing woman who makes my man feel that much stronger. I guess what I'm saying is that I am complex, and I hope and pray that I will be understood and cherished for my many unique characteristics rather than made to feel ashamed of who God made me. That's all.

No News Is... Maybe Not Good

I've never really been interested in the news. But I'm beginning to feel rather ashamed of my apathy and ignorance.

When I was in China in 2004, a student asked me what I thought of Kerry. I had to ask him to repeat his question, not because I didn't understand the words he spoke but because I had no background information to connnect his words to in my mind. And that is how I learned who was running against Bush in the presidential election. (Don't worry, I didn't vote. Although that is perhaps disconcerting in and of itself and might become the topic of a future post...)

In China, I had the excuse of being far from home where it was difficult to access information about current events. It was also decidedly convenient NOT to have an opinion at times in order to avoid debates about sensitive subjects. But really, I just didn't care. Since I've been back in the States, I still haven't made it a priority to keep up-to-date on the goings-on of the world, or even my own country or city. I don't get the newspaper, I don't have cable or even an antenna to watch local channels on TV, and I don't visit news sites online. In fact, the only news source I currently follow is a handy email sent to me weekly from ZGBriefs, which highlights news stories from China. Yet I remain completely ignorant of the myriad newsworthy events occuring daily in the U.S. and throughout the rest of the world.

Why? Well, it's hard for me to care about things that don't affect me directly. But I'm beginning to think that perhaps my perception of "what affects me" is a little skewed. I mean, it's easy to see how knowing the weather forecast is useful, but maybe, just maybe, politics and wars and international relations and economic trends affect me more than I realize. So how do I cure this apathy?

What I Miss Most About China

10. The accessibility of delicious, authentic Chinese cuisine
9. The convenience of public transportation
8. The opportunity to bargain for practically everything you buy
7. Being rich
6. Being famous
5. Being surrounded by another language
4. I loved my job
3. I got to experience some new adventure every day
2. I felt an incredible sense of purpose just being there
1. My students and friends :-)

No Regrets

I have very few regrets in life. Even bad decisions I made or situations that turned out badly I tend to view as learning and growing experiences that have shaped me into the person that I am today. I'm even learning to praise God for these things because He always seems to find a way to bring good out of them.

But... I vividly recall one event from my past that I do still regret, and it continues to influence the decisions I make to this day.

One summer, my family took a vacation to Cancun, Mexico. In addition to enjoying the beach near our hotel, we also traveled around a bit and took in some sites, including Chichen Itza. Well, the weather that day wasn't the greatest, and after getting showered upon during our tour of the old Mayan ruins, I was grumpy. So when my dad asked if we wanted to climb to the top of the huge pyramid that dominates the center of this famous archealogical site, I said "no," and my mom and I waited at the bottom while my brother and dad climbed El Castillo. They enjoyed a completely different perspective from atop that pyramid that I may never have another opportunity to experience.

That is why, if I am ever asked to try some new and interesting thing, even if I'm not very excited about it, I will most likely do it anyway. Because I have never regretted trying something new, only missing out on opportunities like I did that summer in Mexico.

For example, even though the music was not my favorite, I still got some pretty cool pictures from the Beijing opera I attended in Harbin.

And even though the mountain streams and waterfall were crazy cold, I was still able to bond with my buddies in a way I couldn't have had I not just jumped right in.

Reminiscent

So, I got a note on my door yesterday afternoon telling me that our water would be turned off today. "We apologize for the inconvenience," it said. I just smiled. It actually made me happy, because suddenly I felt like I was back in China again, only there I wouldn't have had a day's notice. (I'm not sure if the water or electricity there would go out without anyone's knowledge, or if they just didn't see the need to tell us about such things, but either way, we just made sure to always be prepared with five or ten 2-liter bottles filled and stored away just in case.)

So this morning I filled a couple large stock pots in the kitchen for washing hands or dishes, or just whatever, and I filled the bathtub with water I could use to flush the toilet today. It's been fine. Fun, even. And I can't stop smiling now as I remember all the adventures I encountered during my two years in China... :)