The Wedding Dress Fiasco

There are a lot of other things I'd prefer to blog about, but this is what's going on with me right now, and I just need to vent a bit. Plus, people have been asking for the story, so here goes:

Derek and I got engaged shortly before I went out to work in New Jersey for the summer, so I was doing a majority of my wedding planning remotely. One of the first things I did out there, on July 11, was to visit David's Bridal. It wasn't so much fun since I had to go by myself, on a Saturday, when the store was crazy crowded. Still, I found a few things I thought could work, and that wouldn't cost too terribly much. Because we were planning a relatively informal, outdoor ceremony in a rustic location, I didn't want anything too fancy, and I didn't want a train I could trip over on the hike down to our waterfall.

One dress I liked had a halter top, with a faux wrap look, and it could be special-ordered with no train:

The other option I was considering was a bridesmaid's skirt and halter top, like this, only in white:

Still, I hesitated to make a final decision by myself out there.

When I talked to Derek about the options and showed him the pictures, he said either was fine. But he also mentioned that he had a co-worker who had been making wedding dresses for 25 years. He gave me her email address and I wrote to her a couple of days later. I sent her the pictures, and asked some questions, and also requested to see some pictures of work she'd done. She wrote back with just "That would be a simple dress to make." From Derek, I learned that it would only take her about a week, and that it would only cost about $100. I wrote her back a week-and-a-half later, since I'd heard nothing else from her in that time. In her next response, she again assured me that it would be simple to make, and she also clarified on my cost question: "The materials cost about 100 and then I dont charge much for doing. I do not have a specific price for my sewing. I normally ask give me what you think it is worth." Unfortunately, she said, she didn't have any pictures since those were on another computer of hers that had crashed.

At any rate, she was so confident that Derek trusted her, and I trusted him, so on July 28, I agreed to have her make the dress. Derek and I were both thinking we'd give her another $1oo on top of the cost of materials, for a grand total of $200. Not bad! Yep, it looked like our plan for a small, simple, cheap wedding might actually be possible.

O.k., fast forward. After I came back from New Jersey, Derek and I met with this woman at a Dunkin' Donuts near their office. She looked me over and said that I looked exactly like my pictures. She wrote down my clothes sizes, but when I asked her if she needed to take my measurements, she assured me it wasn't necessary. She also said she had material already, with which she had planned to make a wedding dress for her daughter, though her daughter had decided to just buy one instead.

A couple of weeks later, Derek informed me that she had started my dress, and was really excited about it. The first week in October, I drove up to Columbus for my first fitting, which we did in the handicap stall in the women's restroom there at Chase. She was pleased with how well it fit, and said something like, "See? And you were worried that I didn't take your measurements. I know what I'm doing; I've been doing this for 25 years!" I, on the other hand, wasn't quite so confident, because it was just really hard to tell how it was actually going to turn out. The skirt was long, because she hadn't yet pulled up the fabric like in the second picture above. And there was no zipper, though I suspected it was going to be a little tight. The top was unfinished, still with frayed edges from where she'd cut the fabric. It was too short, though, I thought, though she assured me it was fine. And the back of the top, which was going to be laced up, didn't quite connect. Based on all of these things, she was planning to add a little fabric to make the skirt fit a little more comfortable and add some more on the bottom of the top and at the back. When we came back from the bathroom, Derek asked excitedly what I thought, but all I could say was, "I don't know, it'll probably be fine." But again, it was just so far from finished that I didn't really know how it would look.

After that, I was doing some shopping in Columbus, waiting for Derek to get off work. I found some beads at Michael's that I thought she could use, along with the pearls she'd already been planning on adding. I couldn't find a hair comb I liked, so I thought about making one for myself, but she said she could make it for me, with a veil. I didn't really want a veil, but she was so excited about it that I said o.k. I figured I could always take the veil part off and just use the comb if I wanted to. At Michael's I also saw a satin wrap thing which I considered buying when I saw how cold it was supposed to be on our wedding weekend. But I asked her if she had extra fabric, thinking it would be really easy for her to whip up a rectangular wrap as well. With all these additions and requests, Derek and I decided we'd give her $300 instead of the $200 we were originally planning on. Still, not a bad deal.

Anyway, she kept working, and she asked me to drive back up to Columbus the week before the wedding to pick it up and try it on again. Then she said wasn't going to be finished by Monday or Tuesday when I planned to drive up there, so she agreed to meet us on Thursday on our way to the park where we were going to be married. We met in the parking lot of a gas station, and she said I didn't need to try it on again. She opened up the side of the bag to show me a few things, but it was really hard to get an idea of what was going on in there. Still, trusting her, we wrote her a check for $300 and took the dress to our cabin. On the way, I had a terrible feeling that something wasn't right. The quality of what I'd seen worried me, though again, I didn't really know what was going on with it. I started crying a bit, but made myself calm down. "Who know?" I thought. "Maybe it'll be just fine. I won't worry about it until I can get there and see it on."

Well, unfortunately, that was only the beginning of the tears that would come that night. I put the skirt on, which was still a little tight, even though she'd sewn on a triangular piece of fabric near the zipper. It was also very long, so that I couldn't even walk around the room in it without tripping all over myself. When I looked closer, I saw that she'd added a piece of fabric about a foot wide to the bottom of the skirt as well. She must have done that before pulling up the tufts around the skirt, though, because the bottom edge was very uneven, as were the pulled up pieces in places. The top was equally bad, with it's additional fabric pieces on the bottom and in the back. She'd also sewn on a ribbon with some beading around the collar that just looked very juvenile. And the straps looked like she'd thrown them on at the last minute since they didn't line up at all. AND the back was supposed to be laced up with another very cheap-looking ribbon. I couldn't even really get that part on right, and as I tried, the ribbon began fraying when the scotch tape on the ends came off. Yeah.

I took off the dress, bawling. Derek asked what was wrong, and I told him. He made me put it back on and tried, kindly, to tell me it wouldn't be that bad. But I knew better. He promised me it would be o.k., and said we'd go into Columbus the next day to find me a new dress. I called my parents to explain the situation, and they agreed to meet us at David's Bridal on their way down to the park. (Incidentally, we were supposed to be taking our formal wedding pictures that day, the day before the wedding, but because the forecast was looking quite ominous we rescheduled it for Monday morning, after the wedding. Good thing, too, since I wouldn't have had a dress to wear!)

We walked into David's Bridal shortly after they opened on Friday, October 16. Here was the conversation that took place with the lady who approached us there:

Me: I need a dress.
Her: What kind of dress? Wedding? Bridesmaid?
Me: A wedding dress.
Her: Oh, congratulations!
Me: Thanks. Um, I need it today. Can we do that?
Her: Um... Yeah. We can do that.
Me: Good. 'Cause I need it today. Is that really possible?
Her: Um... Sure. It is. We have a large selection right here in the store...
Me: And if it has a train, I would need it bustled. Today.
Her: Well, that might be a little more difficult, but we should be able to do that.

I proceeded to explain the situation, and we started looking through the dresses on the racks. We found some that looked promising, maybe 5 or 6 styles, and I started trying them on, which was actually really fun! It was just like the movies, my parents said, where I'd come out of the dressing room and stand on the pedestal and spin around and my dad would take pictures. When Derek saw the dresses at David's Bridal, he was in shock at the difference between them and the dress his co-worker had made. There really was just no comparison.

Anyway, we soon had the decision narrowed down to 2 dresses. One was a halter top style like I'd wanted, though it had a train that would have had to be bustled. That was going to cost an extra $100 or so with the rush fee and all. The other was strapless and had no train. It was simple, but felt good. It also would need no alterations, a big plus with our limited time frame. We tried both on with various wraps, and I ended up choosing the second dress with a fun little furry wrap thing, which my parents agreed to buy for me since it was going to be so cold. The dress was on sale for $250, $50 less than what we paid Derek's co-worker! The wrap thing was another $100, and I also bought a fancy hair comb for maybe $60. The whole time, though, I'm trying not to think about the money TOO much, and I'm hoping that we'd be getting at least a portion of our money back from Derek's co-worker.

The rest of the day was fun, though not as restful as we'd hoped, and we didn't get any hiking in like we'd planned. But at least we got the dress situation figured out! The wedding on Saturday was beautiful, though COLD, and we just had a lot of fun.

On Tuesday, though, Derek had to go back to work. I felt terrible for him, having to talk to this woman about what had happened with the dress. She was so excited about it, and I felt bad telling her her work was crap. But it was. When she got in to work, he briefly explained our disappointment with the quality and fit of the dress, though he told her she should ask me if she wanted more information. She never called or emailed, though, and she never said anything else to him about it, or about returning our money. We didn't want to ask immediately, hoping that she would just do the right thing. After all, there was no way should couldn't have known that the quality was terrible, right? The next day, or maybe Thursday, I asked Derek to take the dress back, to see if she wanted it, since she had been so excited about it. She said she would like it, so he gave it to her. Now, for sure, we thought she'd offer at least part of our money back, since we returned the dress to her. But still no word about that.

Wanting to leave Derek out of the situation as much as possible, since he still had to work in the next cubicle over from her, I decided to email her myself. Here is the series of emails that transpired this week:

Hi C----,

So, I guess Derek has explained to you by now about the unfortunate situation with the dress. As you can imagine, I was quite upset to find that it wasn't going to work when we got to our cabin Thursday night and I tried it on. I felt terrible, too, because I know how excited you were when you gave it to me and when we talked about it earlier. Unfortunately, the quality just wasn't what I expected, and it didn't fit me well at all. (If you'd like more specifics on either point, I'd be happy to give you more information on that.)

Still, I was very lucky to be able to find another dress on such short notice, the day before our wedding, and the ceremony turned out beautifully.

I'm sorry if this has created an uncomfortable situation for you and Derek at work, too. And that's why I wanted to ask you about getting our money back, rather than asking him to talk to you about it. I understand that he returned the dress to you, but I don't think he's heard anything from you about getting any money back. I realize you probably spent a good deal of your time working on the dress, and I'm sorry for your loss in that regard, but I also don't think we should have to pay for a dress that was unusable, especially since we had to go out and spend another $300+ the following day to replace the dress you made. Please let me know your thoughts on this as soon as possible, because I'd really like to just put this all behind us.

Thanks,
Jenn

Her response:

Do not know about the quality. Dress was made according to pattern. There was no piece that was cut short or anything the place you are talking about would have been where the dress would have been brought up. Instead you wanted 3 rows and that is what you got. For the top samething. You wanted updates and they were done to your specs including the extra material. Do not know what the problem was until brought in and. All that was said you were upset. Also there is a spot on the dress that was not there. As for money. No refund. I spent a lot of time on this and I have been upset. You have never had something made special so you would not know. It is my decision not to talk with Derek. Move on

I tried again, as politely as possible:

C-----,

Regarding the quality of the dress, I don't know what pattern you're referring to, since I didn't know if you were even working from a pattern or not. And I wasn't talking about the parts where it was brought up with the beading; I'm mostly referring to the bottom of the skirt where you added about a foot of fabric, I guess because you thought it would have been too short otherwise, though in reality that made it much too long so that I couldn't even walk without tripping over it. Also the triangle of fabric you added around the zipper, (without which it wouldn't have fit), and the extra inch or two you just sewed onto the bottom of the halter top... These "updates" weren't changes to the original design we discussed, but rather "corrections" that would have been unnecessary had you taken my measurements in the beginning, which I asked you about on several occasions, and you said was unnecessary.

I realize now that I never should have paid you without seeing and trying on the dress, especially considering that you only asked me to pay "what I thought it was worth." At any rate, since you refuse to return any of the money, could you kindly return the dress - MY dress - to Derek then?

I'm not really sure why you're upset by this, although I at least apologized to you for any inconvenience it caused. Yet you made no attempt to apologize to me. Think about how I felt, having to go out the day before my wedding to try to find a suitable dress. That caused a HUGE amount of stress on my part, on Derek's part, and on the part of my family and friends who heard about the situation. I really didn't need that, the day before my wedding, when I had plenty of other details to worry about.

Thanks,
Jenn

No reponse.

So I emailed again two days later:

Never heard back from you after my last email, so I thought I'd try again. So, when and how are you going to return the dress to me? Please respond as soon as possible. As you probably know, Derek's last day in Columbus is tomorrow, so unless you want to pay to mail it to me, it would make the most sense for you to just give it to him there.

Thank you,
Jenn

Her response:

Jenn

I am sorry to tell you this. You will not be getting the dress or money back. Derek asked me if I wanted the dress back cause you did not want. I told him sure. He brought in and put on the desk. Nothing was said. So let this be known no more emails.

Naturally, I couldn't know what she meant by "no more emails," whether she didn't want any more from me, or whether she wouldn't be replying any more via email. I considered calling her instead, but honestly, I'm scared of this woman! She might yell at me. And I can keep my cool really well in an email, but I'm not so sure how well I'd do with that over the phone. So I tried one last time:

C-----,

Yes, Derek asked if you wanted the dress back, as a courtesy to you, assuming you would do the right thing and return our money. But since you refused to return any money, I would like the dress, which I paid for, returned to me, since it is rightfully mine.

Thank you,
Jenn

But that was yesterday, and I have yet to receive a reply. What's more, today is Derek's last day at the job in Columbus, and since she didn't bring the dress today either, I guess we're out of luck.

I have this thing about justice. This woman screwed us over, big time, and was super rude to boot. So I want her to pay for her wrongdoing! I'm downright ANGRY, and I don't get angry easily. I don't like it. I was seriously considering taking her to small claims court, too, but without the dress or any pictures of it, (yes, I realize now how stupidly we acted in this whole situation,) I really don't think there's anything we can do. Which just burns me up.

I know people are not inherently good: the Bible is very clear about that. But I do tend to trust people and assume the best. In some cases, however, that can you into trouble. So there you go, that's the whole story. And the beautiful dress I ended up with, which should have been very reasonably priced, ended up costing us twice as much because of the money we lost to this woman. Still, I'm going to try to forget all of that, and just remember the fun, excitement, and beauty of our wedding day:

Auto Woes

Just before I went to Jersey, I got my oil changed with a “buy one, get one free” deal. Since I drove a LOT this summer, I knew I should have gotten another oil change while I was out there, but I was trying to make it till I got back for my free one. Last week, I finally looked at the mileage and noticed that I was two or three thousand miles overdue for the oil change… Oops! So I was hoping that that was the cause of the smell I noticed a couple days ago. So I decided to just go ahead and get my oil changed here in Columbus, even though it wouldn’t be free, and see if that helped anything.

Unfortunately… after I got the oil change, I still smelled it. And then I could tell that it was coming from the rear, passenger-side wheel. But since I had an appointment with our wedding photographer, I drove on it anyway, an hour down to Chillicothe. Then I stopped at the shop when I got back into town. I took it to the Valvoline Express Care near where Derek lives, on his recommendation. I was very nervous as I waited for them to look at it, wondering why I’d brought my car to an oil change place for a brake or tire issue of some sort. But they took great care of me! They took off the rear tires and found that the passenger-side caliper was stuck. And the brake pad was basically gone. And the rotor was ruined from the heat of all the rubbing. So they got the parts and all stayed late to replace those things, for $421.66.

Unfortunately… the tire still wasn’t spinning freely as it should have once all of that was done. They checked a couple of other things and concluded that the master cylinder needed to be replaced as well. Of course, by this time, they’d already been “closed” for an hour and couldn’t get the part right then anyway. So they ordered it, and it was supposed to be delivered the next morning, this morning, at 7:30 a.m. The owner of the shop drove me back to Derek’s place (with a gun in the back of the car, by the way,) and I was planning to have Derek drop me back off here this morning on his way to work, which he did. The main brake specialist mechanic guy also agreed to come in for a few hours on his day off to put in the new master cylinder, which he now has. For another $240.19.

Unfortunately… the tire was still only spinning at about 80% of what it should. They kept scratching their heads as to why, when they found out some pin things on the new caliper were slightly longer than the old ones, which was causing the tension. Anyway, that was an easy fix.

Unfortunately… they could still hear some sort of noise coming from that tire when they test drove it. I couldn’t hear it over the constant noise of my roof rack, but they’re apparently trained to hear these sorts of things. Apparently, the noise is the bearing, because apparently the grease in there is broken down from all the heat before and now isn’t lubricating the bearing as it should. Or something like that. So apparently it needs to be replaced too. Not right away – I might have a couple weeks or months even before the wheel finally falls off – but it will need to be taken care of relatively soon. For another $250 or so.

Yep, so there ya go. Almost $1000 later, I should be good as new. Of course, I really could have used that money for wedding stuff, or to pay off some debt, or to buy a new water heater which I still haven’t done… Yeah. Ah, well. Such is life! Grrr…

Princeton Summer, Take 2

O.k., guess I’m long overdue for an update, eh?

Well, I’ve been out in Princeton for five weeks now, and I’ve actually been enjoying my time here a lot more this summer! See, I already knew a few people from last year, and my living situation is much more comfortable this time around. My first week out, I jumped right back into my workout routine from last summer: swimming with the masters’ swim team at the gym on Monday, track workout with the Princeton Intervals group on Tuesday, then I met up with my triathlete friend Tara on Wednesday for a ride and swim, and we ran together on Thursday as well… Good times, and just what I needed to get ready for the three races I had over my first four weeks out here (race updates coming soon). But now that those are done, I’m feeling a little lost and aimless. Of course, this is the first weekend I haven’t had something going on, so I guess it makes sense that I’m feeling a little lonely.

In other news... Derek came out a couple weeks ago for a visit, and we had a fantastic weekend. He lived in New Jersey his first three years in the Navy, so we drove up to where he was stationed and he showed me around. We took a nice, romantic stroll along the beach and had a delicious dinner in Atlantic Highlands. We both talked about how nice New Jersey can be and we agreed that we wouldn’t mind living here.

Of course, if you’ll recall, last summer when I came out for this internship with ETS, part of my purpose was to see if I could live here, if I wanted to apply for a full-time position with them or not. And I concluded that I just couldn’t do it, couldn’t move so far away from all my friends and family for a job, even if it was a job I’d love. And yet, now, thinking about moving out here with Derek, having a few more friends and realizing just how perfect the job would be for me, I think I could do it. I think I’d like it, in fact. Too bad when I came I was told that they actually didn’t have any positions open right now, for the first time in a long time. Hmm. But then something changed and all of a sudden they did need someone, and soon. They sent out a notice to all the interns, asking for resumes. I sent mine in and was soon scheduled for a two-hour screening test. Well, I guess I passed, because I’m now supposed to have two different interviews this coming week! Derek has started applying for jobs out here, too, and we’re both praying fervently for God’s direction in all of this.

If Derek found a good job in Cincinnati, that’d be ideal: I could keep doing my online scoring thing, we could just live in my condo, we already know the area and have good friends and a good church there… But it would also be kind of nice to start our life together in a new place, to choose a place to live together, to find a church together, etc., etc. So I’m really torn; I think I could really be happy either way. Of course, if we do end up moving, I’ll be busy planning a wedding, trying to sell my place, and getting ready for a move and a new job all at once, kind of like my brother just did! So anyway, guess I’m just putting all this out there to fill you all in on what’s been going on with us this summer, and to ask for your prayers about everything. If God wants us in New Jersey, I want him to make it painfully obvious to us.

The Gaps

Well, if you've been following my blog at all, (though why would you, really, since I rarely write anymore?) you may have some lingering questions about this Derek fellow. So now I'm finally making time to fill in some of the gaps. (I do want to point out, though, that what follows is also the very reason why I haven't had much time to blog lately. See? Not my fault!)

On April 5, I wrote: "I think I'm really gonna like dating. ;-)" See, that was the day after my first date with Derek. Obviously, I had a pretty good time! He drove down from Columbus and took me to Newport on the Levee for dinner, a movie, and ice cream. It was all strangely comfortable. We'd only been emailing a short time, and had had only one phone conversation before this get-together - granted, it was a 4-hour call, but still! - and yet I felt completely at ease with him. At the same time, I was hesitant to assume it was anything more than that: just a good first date. Plus, I was still just looking forward to meeting and dating a lot of different guys, to learn more about myself and what I needed and wanted in my next relationship. So, I continued emailing several other guys I'd been chatting with from e-harmony, which resulted in a painfully long and boring phone call with another would-be suitor, as well as a very awkward Starbucks meeting with a third bachelor. After those two incidents, I completely changed my mind about dating: not so much fun! I realized not only that I'm not the "date-around" type, but also that the encounter with Derek was indeed unique and special. As we continued talking on the phone, im-ing, texting, and hanging out over the next few weeks, we got to know each other more deeply and began to feel things neither of us had experienced in a long time.

O.k., fast forward to May 2 and 3, Flying Pig weekend. Derek was wonderful, so patient and encouraging as I got ready for my first marathon. On Saturday, I called him my "boyfriend" for the first time, since I had finally decided to give up the idea of dating other people. After all, why would I force myself to go out and meet other random guys when all I really wanted to do each day was talk to Derek or spend time with Derek? So Sunday after the race, we went to his friend's wedding as as officially exclusive couple.

Keep in mind, all this time, Derek is pursuing me intently. He gave me a beaded necklace made by his co-worker on our second date. He brought me flowers several times and even had flowers delivered one day. He affirmed me in all the ways I needed. He encouraged me to pursue God more and he prayed with me. He wrote me sweet notes and poured out his heart to me. He struggled at times to tell me what he was really feeling because it was so intense, and so soon, and because I was so hesitant to give in to the feelings that were starting to take over me as well. But he loved me, in word and in deed, and it wasn't long before I knew that I loved him too.

We talked about marriage early on, partly because we've both been there before and know a little better than others perhaps what we need and want and don't want. But we were also going through a sermon series on marriage in my small group, which was enlightening in several ways I'll explain more in a future post. One of the biggest lessons I learned from that, though, was that love is so much more than a warm, fuzzy feeling; it's an action, and a choice. No matter how good a match is, how good a marriage is, there will be days when each person is irritated or frustrated with the other, and when they might not even like each other very much. But if I trusted that Derek would choose to love me even then, and if I knew that he was worth choosing to love even at those times, then that's what would make ours a strong, happy, enduring union.

I could go into lots of reasons I knew I loved him, but I already blogged about all of that. But it was really when I went off to Yosemite for my brother's wedding (blog to come on that, too...)that things really started happening. I was gone almost a week, but it seemed like much longer in certain ways. For example, no day seemed complete until I talked to Derek about everything that had happened. But even that didn't really seem good enough because I wanted to share all those experiences with him, rather than trying to describe everything for him afterwards. And actually, I found that I really couldn't enjoy the beauty of my surroundings quite as much without him next to me. Yes, I concluded then that I never wanted to travel by myself again.

He was struggling a lot in my absence as well, from what I understand, and concluded something similar: he didn't want to go through this life without me either. He picked me up from the airport on Wednesday and we went ring shopping that night, he looked again and bought something at a shop in Columbus the next day, and on Friday he drove back down to propose.

It was tricky at first because everyone was really surprised that we'd gotten engaged so quickly, but things quieted down as the news spread and settled in. Still, we said we didn't want to rush into wedding planning at the expense of preparing for the marriage, so we decided not to even set a date till September. Of course, that didn't last either, and now, thanks in part to my father's power of suggestion, we're getting married on October 17! We both always liked the idea of a fall wedding, and God worked it out to where we can do it then at the place we want in Hocking Hills, even though there was originally a scheduling conflict... Anyway, that's the plan! And here's a little preview of what it'll look like:

But most of all, I'm just looking forward to beginning the rest of our life together!

:-)

Why I Love Derek

1. Derek is a strong spiritual leader. Sure, he's had his moments of doubting and running from God - who among us hasn't? - but he loves the Lord and it shows. In our relationship, he takes the initiative in prayer and studying the Word, and he encourages me to pursue God wholeheartedly and grow in my own walk with Him.
2. Derek sees the good in me, even the good that's not quite realized yet, and he wants to be a part of bringing it to be in me. Likewise, he allows me to draw out of him the goodness he can't always see. I love that we are both determined to encourage each other, and that we are both more confident as a result.
3. Derek and I share a lot of common interests and passions (e.g. God, singing, biking...), but he also cares about countless other things simply because I care about them. For example, he loves on my cat, he supports me in my athletic endeavors, and he encourages me to rediscover my artistic outlets.
4. Derek's primary love language is also quality time (although he is quite skilled at communicating love in multiple ways). I love that he always wants to be with me, and I never feel like I'm bothering him when I want to spend time with him. Every moment we spend together is better simply because we're together.
5. Derek is very in touch with his emotions. I love that he feels deeply, and that he understands and shares whatever is on his heart or mind. I tend to be pretty logical most of the time, but Derek draws out my emotional side as well. We complement each other well, I think.
6. Derek is an excellent communicator. I've known for awhile how important this quality is to me, but Derek surpasses every hope I ever had in this regard. In fact, I used to think I was a good communicator, but I pale in comparison! He's not afraid to bring up difficult but important issues, or even if he is afraid he discusses them anyway because he recognizes the importance of working through things immediately. And once something has been resolved, he forgets about it.
7. Derek is aggressive; he knows what he wants and he actively and passionately pursues it. Spiritually, emotionally, physically... he is strong. I've spent so much time trying to be strong that I love how he is able to make me feel weak too.
8. Derek is also extraordinarily affectionate. I warned him early on that I'm not, but perhaps that wasn't quite accurate. He brings out such a tender side of me that has been dormant far too long. I still sometimes worry about how others will react to his/our affection, but I never want him to deny that part of who he is.
9. Derek isn't always practical. I'm a pretty practical person, but I definitely love it when he does some impractical things. For example, he wouldn't even hesitate to drive down from Columbus even if it was to spend just a few hours with me. And he's already bought me flowers on several occasions; sure, flowers cost a lot and just die in the end, but they're so pretty in the meantime! Plus, they just show me how much he thinks of me, which I suppose is worth far more than the money he spent on them in the first place.
10. Derek is perhaps the most committed person I've ever met. And I love that, because I'm the same way. It's rather strange, actually, how quickly this has all happened, and yet I trust him with everything that I am and I so look forward to a lifetime of learning additional reasons and ways to love him.

Banishment

In an earlier post, I wrote that my cat is stinkin’ cute and often makes me smile. Yes, Rechina has brought me so much joy over the last 11 years, and I’ve often thanked God for her, as crazy as that might sound. She’s been with me through many ups and downs and I really can’t imagine not having her in my life.

Whenever I walk through the house and see her in one of her many favorite spots, I often have to just stop and look at her for a minute with a big smile on my face. For example:


She is also quick to take advantage of new and interesting locations as they present themselves:


But really, she just likes to be wherever I am. Being a cat, she sleeps most of the day, but she does wake up and come into the office or wherever I am every few hours for a little lovin’:


Which is why I feel so guilty for having to banish her…

See, Rechina is not always the perfect little princess she appears to be in these photos. No, years ago, she started peeing places she shouldn’t. At first it was on the rug next to her litter box in the bathroom, which was easily solved by removing the rug. Then she started actually going on my bed, so I would just lock her out of the bedroom whenever I wasn’t in there. Recently, she’s decided that the dining room carpet makes a good toilet. I rented a carpet cleaner, but she could still smell the pee and picked right back up again. Racking my brain, I concluded that I couldn’t make her an outdoor cat since she’s never been outside in all her 12 long years, and I doubt I could find a new home for an old pet with such an offensive habit. Hopeless, in tears, I started to accept the fact that I might have no other option than to have her put to sleep. I knew the day would come when she would pass away, and as sad as they day would be, it pales in comparison to the pain I feel simply at the thought of having to be the one to kill her in effect. Yet, I didn’t know what else to do.

Still, I had to try everything. I took her to the vet and they first tested her urine for bacteria. There were trace amounts, though probably not enough to be causing this problem. Still, an antibiotic was the first course of action. If that didn’t make a difference, she was to be put on Prozac. Supposedly, the Prozac helps calm animals down enough so that they abandon these bad habits, and it has a 75% success rate according to the vet. During all of this, she was also to be isolated, to hopefully retrain her to go only in her litter box. And so began the chapter of Rechina’s life banished to my garage. It’s quite a lot of space, actually, and I tried to make it as comfortable as possible, though I’m sure she’s still unhappy being secluded like that. I mean, I assume that most of the time she just sleeps the day away as usual, only in the garage instead of the house, but whenever I walk past the garage door I can hear her crying loudly inside, and of course she tries to sneak out whenever I open the door to go in. I feel bad for her out there all alone, and I miss her presence in the house, but I figure it’s better than the alternative.

So, we’ll see. I rented the carpet cleaner again and also drenched the carpet and pad with a odor eliminator to hopefully get rid of the remaining smell. And when I get back from my trip to Yosemite for my brother’s wedding, I’ll start her on the kitty Prozac. This whole thing is so frustrating, and I just can’t understand WHY she’s doing it. This most recent increase in the frequency began shortly after I started dating Derek, and while she seems to like him just fine, I wonder if she’s jealous because she’s receiving less of my attention since he’s come into my life. I don’t know. In the garage, I put a blanket down for her to sleep on, the only soft place in there for her lie down, and still she peed on it. I replaced the blanket with a suitcase, but she went on that too. Why would she pee where she sleeps? I just don’t get it! I get so angry with her, and yet I still love her…

Anyway, I’ll keep you posted. But in the meantime, thanks for allowing me to vent.

Delayed Success is Even Sweeter

I started training for the 2008 Flying Pig, but had to drop out after an achilles injury. After some physical therapy, I was good to go, and had a great triathlon season last summer. I also started training for the October Marine Corps Marathon in D.C., but had to give that up after some other foot issues, including plantar fasciitis. It was mostly better after a few lazy months last fall, so I began training again in January with the Fleet Feet group for the 2009 Flying Pig. My feet still gave me problems at times, but running didn't seem to make it much worse, so I kept at it. I'd be in quite a bit of pain after the longer (14+ mile) training runs, but I'd be o.k. again after a couple days. The twenty-miler hurt, but I wasn't about to give up at that point. I didn't run the Tuesday or Thursday after that because I wanted to let my body fully recover before submitting it to the rigors of backpacking the following weekend. That, however, proved even more strenuous, and I was sore for another week following our return. So two weeks after our last long run, I tried running 8 miles and just about died. It was like my body had forgotten how to run! I got a bit concerned, but everyone told me that I was ready. I made sure to get my last two weeks of shorter runs in, and did feel better by race day, but I was still nervous. I figured it would be hard, and I assumed it would hurt, but I knew all that would go away after a few days. I just wanted to get through the thing to say I'd done it and put that silly goal behind me.

The day before the marathon, 5 of us who'd been training together met up for a nice slow 2-mile jog. Someone suggested we come up with a team name for our group, and I threw out Team Cheetah, which ended up sticking. All along we'd been training by running 3 minutes and walking 1, and we figured the cheetah was a good mascot for us since they run really fast for awhile and then stop to eat their prey. Or something like that. Only we never really ran very fast, least of all me. Oh, well, it was fun, and created an even stronger bond between us I think. I know that for me, anyway, I felt so much better going into this thing having a team of friends around me who kept telling me I could do it. We met up Sunday morning with Team Cheetah signs on and set off for the starting line.


Somewhere at about mile 5, the team got separated after a water stop. Marty, Angela and I were together, but we'd lost Doug, Laura, and Dick. Just before heading into Eden Park, the three of us stopped at the portapots, and Laura and Dick passed us as we waited in line. I ran with Marty and Angela as long as I could, but finally at about mile 12 I let them go on ahead of me. I told myself, "This is your race. Run it your way." I could have pushed myself a little more, stuck with them a little longer, but I didn't want to hurt myself or make myself more miserable than I needed to be. Sure, I kind of had a goal of 5 hours in my mind, but really I just wanted to finish what I'd set out to do more than a year earlier. I felt victorious already as I thought about how far I'd come. Of course, my right heel was hurting pretty good by that point, so that I had to step only on the ball of my foot whenever I walked, but it was definitely manageable. And, perhaps miraculously, I noticed near mile 14 or 15 that it didn't hurt anymore!

No doubt about it, though, I was tired. Between miles 17 and 18, as I ran through Mariemont, I felt pretty strong, like I got my second wind, but that's all the longer that lasted. I gladly accepted half a banana from some nice supporter, even though I'd never trained with anything other than my Hammer Gel. Oh, and I also had a Twizzler. And a few orange slices a little later on. They all tasted delightful. The second half of the race is kind of a blur (and I think only partially because I waited 2 weeks to write up my race report). After that I just remember giving myself short goals, like getting to mile 21 where the Fleet Feet folks were stationed. I think I even managed a pretty good smile as I ran past Jeremy and the other amazing people out there to cheer us on that morning. My short-term goals got shorter, to where I was really only thinking about the next 3-minute run till my next walk break, but it worked: I think I can do anything for 3 minutes.

With only a mile or two left, I suddenly saw Coach Jen jogging toward me from the direction of the finish line. She had only run the half marathon that morning since she'd run her full a week or two beforehand, but she was heading back onto the course to check on the rest of her team. I think I was just super emotional at that point because I started having trouble breathing as I fought back tears. Another Fleet Feet runner met up with us at about that point, and the three of us slowly but surely made our way toward the finish line. Jen got off the course before we reached the end, and the other girl ran ahead of me. I crossed the finish line alone, and a flood of emotions swept over me: No, I don't want a blanket, just my medal please. Yes... water... thank you. Oh, hi Marty, yeah, I made it. Where's the food? Where's Derek? Oh, there, on the phone outside the fence. I'm so glad you're here. Where are my sandals? Can I please just sit for a moment? Will you take my picture? Yeah, I'm fine, just really tired and a little sore. But none of the foot pain I usually have. Wow, no blisters even. Yeah, I actually feel pretty good. But we're gonna have to take it really slow walking the mile or so back to the car...

Home. Quick shower just to rinse off. Eat some leftover pasta. Sleep, maybe 1.5 or 2 hours. Another shower. Get ready for Derek's friend's wedding. And we're off. Just let me walk slowly and I'll be o.k. Delicious, free dinner I didn't have to cook. Nice!

So, yeah. I did it. It took me 5 hours, 23 minutes, and 45 seconds, but I did it. And even though there was very little about that race that was actually fun, since it didn't hurt that bad and since I didn't finish it in 5 hours like I'd hoped, I'll probably have to try again. 'Cause I'm just kinda crazy like that.

Marathoning

Well, it's just about here: race weekend. That's right, this Sunday, I'll be running my first (and last?) marathon, the Flying Pig. I've been training for it since January, and I was feeling pretty well prepared after making it through our 20-mile run a month ago. Then began the taper... Although, for me it was more than a taper really. I took some time off from running because my feet were hurting pretty bad, and because of a backpacking trip. The next run I did was an 8-miler, and it was rough. It was just sort of like my body had forgotten how to run! Now I'm worried, with only 2 more very short runs before the race. I'm sure I'll make it through, because I know sheer determination can carry me when I've got nothing left in me, but I'm expecting it to be slower and more painful than I'd originally planned. We'll see, though! (From the link above you can see the course map and other details, and even track my progress during the race if you're so inclined; my number is 3559.)

So, by now you all know that I'm pretty active: always training for something, or at least on the go from one activity to another. Which is fun! But I'm not so good at resting... And I've been thinking about this a bit lately, particularly as it pertains to my spiritual life. I love how the Bible describes the Christian walk as a race or a fight: it's not at all the passive thing we often allow it to become. BUT, I think we also have to actively pursue quiet times with our Father. It may seem a contradiction, but I know for me it's true: if I don't intentionally set aside time to quiet my mind and just be still with my God, to simply enjoy his presence or listen for his voice, I'll quickly fill my every moment doing something else instead. And even though those things are usually very good things - either good for me physically or emotionally, or even serving God - they can never replace simply being with him.

This life is not a sprint; it's a marathon. And if there's one thing I've been learning through all my training, it's that the beginning matters very little. What's more important is keeping a consistent pace and finishing strong. To be honest, I'm not even sure why I'm attempting a marathon since I don't really like running, but for some reason I got it in my mind that I should do one, and so here I am. But just as I now have this vision of crossing that finish line and receiving my medal to get me through, I know that I need a similar focus to sustain and inspire me spiritually as well. And we see a picture of that in Hebrews 12:1-3:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus... Yes. And I'm so thankful for the encouragement I've been receiving recently from an amazing new friend who challenges my priorities and steers me back on course toward the finish line that I know is really most important. :-)

Personal Reminder

"For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." -1 Tim. 4:8

Going Through the Motions

Matthew West's The Motions

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
Instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
Instead of going through the motions?"

Take me all the way (take me all the way)
Take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
Take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

Yep. I wrote once about regret and how I try to take every opportunity that comes my way so that I'll have nothing to regret. I have an exciting and active life, partially as a result of this I think, but I'm realizing that regret can come just as easily from not savoring quiet times as from missing certain adventures. When it's all said and done, the life I lead on this earth will only be a speck on the timeline of eternity. So how effectively am I using my time here to get ready for all that lies ahead?

I'm tired of just going through the motions. I miss the passion that once burned in my heart for God. I wonder how different my life would look if I really gave Him everything. I pray today that He would bring me back and take me all the way.

Randomness

Lots of things on my mind, but not much time to write. Here are a few teasers, but I'll try to elaborate soon on some of them...

• I love the sound of deep, rolling thunder, and rain on my skylight.
• My cat is stinkin' cute and often makes my smile. :-)
• Twenty miles is a long way to run.
• I'm thinking God really knew what he was doing with establishing a Sabbath.
• Music speaks to my soul in a way few things can.
• Creation is another, and I can't wait to soak it in next weekend.
• I think I'm really gonna like dating. ;-)
• When real life gets busy and fun, I find I don't spend as much time in this virtual world I've created to give my thoughts a place to play. But I also miss the intentional reflection it affords...

I'll be back. Sooner rather than later, I hope.

Updates

Work's been getting cancelled a bit lately, but it looks like I'll be getting a pretty nice tax refund soon which will help immensely when I go to pay my bills next month! I also might get to be an assistant track coach at CHCA middle school, which would be crazy fun and help out a bit financially as well. We'll see... Still waiting to hear from ETS about the pics I sent in a week or two ago. Hopefully they'll buy a good number of those and give me some positive feedback to be even more successful the next time around.

Spring appears to have sprung, though I realize the temps'll be up and down for awhile. Still, it's helped with my training (that, and not having so much work lately!). I've been out on the bike a few times recently, and even used it for my first 11.5 commuter miles in Cincinnati yesterday! Looking forward to the start of the time trial season, though the big hill on the 40K course is scaring me a bit and I really don't know what kind of time to expect. Running with the Fleet Feet gang has been awesome lately as well! The run/walkers are way cooler, or maybe I just like it better 'cause I'm not always the slowest one anymore... :-) No, but it just makes it more social and therefore more fun when you're not focused entirely on the pain. Actually, I haven't had much pain yet, for which I'm truly thankful, though the long runs are getting longer and taking their toll. We did 14 miles last Saturday, which hurt. Nothing specific, it just sapped every ounce of energy I had, and I'd even forced myself to suck down some gel along the way. Guess I still have some stuff to figure out there. And, I'm not looking forward to doing my long run this week by myself... Oh, well.

Also had to re-plan my summer race schedule when I agreed to go back to New Jersey for the internship again. Except the 70.3 in Michigan August 1, that I've still got to do since it's my A race this year. And the folks in Jersey agreed to let me take 2 days off to get out there and back, so that's awesome. You may recall that I had a rather difficult time in Princeton last summer, yet a big part of me is really looking forward to going back: seeing the friends I met last summer again, training with some skilled and fun athletes, not having to worry about work for two months, competing in a couple of the same races I did last season to see if I've improved... Plus, I definitely won't be staying with Irmgard this summer, so it's bound to be better in that regard, though I will stop by to visit with her. And this time, since I know for sure it's only temporary, I'm not quite as worried to be leaving my Cincinnati friends, even though I will definitely miss them.

Been chatting online with a few nice guys from eHarmony. Looking forward to phone calls and/or getting together soon... Also, a couple friends and I have started a challenge to get out and meet new people and date more casually over the next couple of months. It's kind of exciting to think about, but also terrifyingly uncomfortable at the same time. Could be a good time to learn and grow, though, so we'll see how that goes.

Guess that's about it for now! I'll try to keep more up-to-date with my postings in the future...

Retreat Reflections

It's been awhile since I've taken a weekend away to really focus all my attention on my God. And what a beautiful God he is! I hate to admit it, but I often forget that... Still, there's something about the twinkling of a million stars or a hundred eyes to remind you that God is good.

I was reminded this weekend that truth and faith go hand in hand, and convicted to spend more time learning about and meditating on the truth of who God is and who I am in him.

I was refreshed by humble, honest, beautiful times of worship. I cannot imagine a life without the gift of music, because often times these melodies are the only way I can praise my God when words are not enough.

I was encouraged by the passion of the kids I was supposedly there to lead, and humbled because I realized just how inadequate I was to do that.

And I learned a few random things about myself, too:

I treasure independence to an unhealthy extreme. I'm afraid to need people, (even though I sometimes think I need a man to love and affirm me,) and that sometimes translates into being afraid to need God as well. I know I've put up these walls because of wounds from my past, but I also know that God will never let me down. And yet I find it hard to surrender my "strength" to the tenderness of his touch.

In the midst of pondering these things, God seemed to answer me with this song by Tenth Avenue North called By Your Side:

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Butt Dance

So, I just got back from helping out at my church's youth group retreat, and let me tell you: it was awesome! I'll describe some more specifics and some things I learned soon (since I'm super tired now,) but I couldn't wait to share this video... It's Eric, drawing his Chinese name in the air with his butt. Yep, that's what I said. Why, you ask? Well, see, that was his punishment for not having his name tag at one point during the weekend. Right... O.k.... Well, anyway, just trust me: you'll love this!

Long-Awaited Arrival

Well, after almost two-and-a-half months, the washer and dryer I bought on Black Friday have arrived!

And I can't wait to do my first load of laundry in them tonight, especially after that filthy bike ride last Sunday...

Realization

A month or so ago, I filled out the eHarmony personality profile thing, and now they keep sending me all these matches, guys they think I'm compatible with. But of the 200+ guys they've shown me, I've only found maybe 20 that sound interesting. Even then, though, I can't really respond to any of their communication requests without paying, and I just don't have the money for that right now. Plus, I'm also really skeptical about meeting people online, (although I do have a friend who just married a guy she met on eHarmony). They did have a free communication weekend at the beginning of January, and from that I actually started emailing one guy a bit. He sounded very nice, and smart, and we seemed to have a lot in common, but then he sent me his picture... And I can't say that I'm particularly attracted to him. Maybe I'm shallow, I don't know, or maybe I'm just coming to a realization: I think I'm more attracted to Asian guys these days. I guess it makes sense since most of my friends are Asian, but I was still a little surprised to realize this about myself. Unfortunately, I'm afraid this might limit me even more: even if I were to find a single, young-ish, tall-ish, Asian guy who loved God, had some musical ability and were as active as I am, I'm doubtful that he'd want to date a white girl. Hmm. Guess this'll be another lesson in trusting God.

Everything's Funner with Friends

I have to be honest: I love it when my student cancels his lesson on Wednesday nights. 'Cause that's usually when some friends are cycling, and then I can join them! On warmer days, we do the Wednesday Night Hill Ride out of Team Cycling, but when it's too cold for that, we opt for trainers in someone's living room. Well, last night we made it a ladies' night, swapping the usual BigDave for his better half. I mean, sure, I could have saved at least an hour-and-a-half if I'd have just set the thing up at home, (and then I probably wouldn't have been up until the wee hours of the morning getting songs ready for worship practice,) but it was way funner riding with friends! (And yes, I know that "funner" is not a word, but it's just funner than saying "more fun!") Here's a pic of the three of us: Mrs. BigDave, Mary Sunshine, and me. Yay!

2009 Race Schedule

This is by no means set in stone, but after looking through various race websites and my own calendar, this is my tentative race schedule for 2009:

March 29 - Heart Mini Marathon (15K)
May 3 - Flying Pig Marathon (half or full, we'll see)
May 17 - Tri for Joe (?)
June 7 - State Time Trial Championship (OR Deer Creek Triathlon?)
July 5 - Caesar Creek Triathlon (olympic)
August 1 - Steelhead Ironman 70.3 (half iron)
August 23 - Breat Buckeye Challenge Triathlon (oly)
September 6 - Portage Lakes Triathlon (sprint?)
September 27 - Toyota Challenge at Deer Creek Triathlon (oly)

Other biking events:
BDBC's Cross State Record Ride (Cincinnati to Toledo) - practice March 28?, actual attempt June? July?
QCW's Cleves Time Trial Series - every Tuesday May-September
QCW's 40K Time Trial Series - second Saturday March-June
CCC's Spring Opener - April 18
CCC's BCBCBC Ride - August 22
CCC's GGRR - October 3