Virtual Intimacy

So I've got this new friend, Kim, who I've been chatting online with a bit lately. In fact, we've probably talked almost as much online as we have face to face since we've only met in person twice. Still, it's been cool getting to know her better through our online conversations, and I'm excited for her to come back to Cincinnati again so we can hang out some more.

What I find interesting about this whole scenario, though, is that it seems to be working, that we seem to be developing a real friendship through this virtual means. But why would that surprise me? Well, I think it's because I've been in similar situations where it was a lot more problematic. For example, I had one friend I talked to a lot on the phone, like for hours at a time, but then when we'd meet in person it just seemed weird, like suddenly the intimacy we'd developed on the phone was missing in person, if that makes sense. Then there was this other person I became "facebook friends" with after meeting once, and we IMed a lot over the course of several weeks. But again, when we met in person the next time, it was just awkward.

So this is one thing Kim and I were chatting about yesterday, this sort of "false intimacy" that seems to develop quite easily when getting to know someone through these modern modes of communication. She mentioned that there's sometimes a superficiality to such conversations, which I can definitely see, but my experience has more often been the opposite: I seem to be quite comfortable discussing topics online that I would never talk about in person with someone I only recently met. And I think this could get me into trouble, particularly when the person I'm chatting with is of the male variety. See, we have these really deep virtual conversations and I think that we're becoming really close, but then when we meet up in person, I realize that in reality we are acquaintances at best.

Problems have also arisen when I've tried to have a serious conversation online, even when it's with a good friend. For example, no matter how well I know a person, I think it's still much more likely for misunderstandings to occur when communicating online, because subtle messages or feelings often get lost without the aid of body language, facial expressions, or tone of voice. Apologies also seem to be particularly difficult because I never seem to know whether the issue has been resolved. Or if I bare my soul to someone online about an especially personal topic, the next time we get together I can't help but think, "Did we really have that conversation?" and the intimacy still seems to be less than what I would expect had we simply talked face to face.

Yeah. So, conclusions? Well, it seems to me that building friendships online may be fine, but it gets a lot trickier when it's a guy-girl thing. (But that gets into a whole nother discussion about whether or not guys and girls can be "just" friends...) Also, if it's a significant conversation of any sort, it's probably safest to just do it in person.