So I've been in Jersey two weeks now. I'm really enjoying the job, and I've met some nice people, but I'm still just really missing everyone back home. It's funny, 'cause I don't think I took my friends for granted while I was in Cincinnati - I knew they were great and I treasured time spent with them. But I still can't seem to fully engage with my new surroundings because my heart just isn't here. In fact, I think I'm afraid to really like it here because I don't want to leave Cincinnati for good.
But anyway, the point is... I've been trying hard to keep in touch with everyone in Cincinnati, and I so look forward to chats and emails with old friends. But I can't help but wonder why I don't treasure my God as much, why I don't look forward to time spent with him the same way I long to connect with those he's created and placed in my life. I do take him for granted, and I know it, but I still don't know what to do about it. I think the problem is that I'm small and weak. My mind can't possibly comprehend the depth of who God is or what he's actually rescued me from. He seems distant and impersonal, even though I know that he isn't. And I think that's what's most frustrating: the discrepancy between what I feel and what I know, between how I want my relationship with God to look and how it actually is.
Hmm. Guess I just wish I knew how to love and enjoy God more. Any thoughts on that one?
About Me
- Jenn
- It's hard to summarize who I am in a few short words. My instinct is to tell you what I do, but I'm learning that that's not the same thing. Who am I? I'm a child of God, by his grace, thanks to the sacrifice of his son Jesus. I haven't earned his love and I don't deserve his grace, and yet I am his beloved. I too often get caught up in trying to do things for God and forget to just be his, but I'm working on that...
3 comments:
I can completely relate to that tension between what I know and what I feel. I'm so encouraged by your openness and willingness to take a deep look at your heart. Recognizing the struggle at least gives you a starting point in your time with God. He knows what you're feeling...now you just have to trust that what He does in your life is better than what you could do on your own. Tough.
Hi, Jenn! Sorry the transition is yucky right now.
Did Beth Ann come too? I mean, go. (Yeah, I is an Engrishee teacher)
Hang in there...but Cincy isn't the same without you :P
Or maybe it's because you can never really "leave" God ...
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