Marathoning

Well, it's just about here: race weekend. That's right, this Sunday, I'll be running my first (and last?) marathon, the Flying Pig. I've been training for it since January, and I was feeling pretty well prepared after making it through our 20-mile run a month ago. Then began the taper... Although, for me it was more than a taper really. I took some time off from running because my feet were hurting pretty bad, and because of a backpacking trip. The next run I did was an 8-miler, and it was rough. It was just sort of like my body had forgotten how to run! Now I'm worried, with only 2 more very short runs before the race. I'm sure I'll make it through, because I know sheer determination can carry me when I've got nothing left in me, but I'm expecting it to be slower and more painful than I'd originally planned. We'll see, though! (From the link above you can see the course map and other details, and even track my progress during the race if you're so inclined; my number is 3559.)

So, by now you all know that I'm pretty active: always training for something, or at least on the go from one activity to another. Which is fun! But I'm not so good at resting... And I've been thinking about this a bit lately, particularly as it pertains to my spiritual life. I love how the Bible describes the Christian walk as a race or a fight: it's not at all the passive thing we often allow it to become. BUT, I think we also have to actively pursue quiet times with our Father. It may seem a contradiction, but I know for me it's true: if I don't intentionally set aside time to quiet my mind and just be still with my God, to simply enjoy his presence or listen for his voice, I'll quickly fill my every moment doing something else instead. And even though those things are usually very good things - either good for me physically or emotionally, or even serving God - they can never replace simply being with him.

This life is not a sprint; it's a marathon. And if there's one thing I've been learning through all my training, it's that the beginning matters very little. What's more important is keeping a consistent pace and finishing strong. To be honest, I'm not even sure why I'm attempting a marathon since I don't really like running, but for some reason I got it in my mind that I should do one, and so here I am. But just as I now have this vision of crossing that finish line and receiving my medal to get me through, I know that I need a similar focus to sustain and inspire me spiritually as well. And we see a picture of that in Hebrews 12:1-3:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus... Yes. And I'm so thankful for the encouragement I've been receiving recently from an amazing new friend who challenges my priorities and steers me back on course toward the finish line that I know is really most important. :-)

Personal Reminder

"For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." -1 Tim. 4:8

Going Through the Motions

Matthew West's The Motions

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
Instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
Instead of going through the motions?"

Take me all the way (take me all the way)
Take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
Take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

Yep. I wrote once about regret and how I try to take every opportunity that comes my way so that I'll have nothing to regret. I have an exciting and active life, partially as a result of this I think, but I'm realizing that regret can come just as easily from not savoring quiet times as from missing certain adventures. When it's all said and done, the life I lead on this earth will only be a speck on the timeline of eternity. So how effectively am I using my time here to get ready for all that lies ahead?

I'm tired of just going through the motions. I miss the passion that once burned in my heart for God. I wonder how different my life would look if I really gave Him everything. I pray today that He would bring me back and take me all the way.

Randomness

Lots of things on my mind, but not much time to write. Here are a few teasers, but I'll try to elaborate soon on some of them...

• I love the sound of deep, rolling thunder, and rain on my skylight.
• My cat is stinkin' cute and often makes my smile. :-)
• Twenty miles is a long way to run.
• I'm thinking God really knew what he was doing with establishing a Sabbath.
• Music speaks to my soul in a way few things can.
• Creation is another, and I can't wait to soak it in next weekend.
• I think I'm really gonna like dating. ;-)
• When real life gets busy and fun, I find I don't spend as much time in this virtual world I've created to give my thoughts a place to play. But I also miss the intentional reflection it affords...

I'll be back. Sooner rather than later, I hope.

Updates

Work's been getting cancelled a bit lately, but it looks like I'll be getting a pretty nice tax refund soon which will help immensely when I go to pay my bills next month! I also might get to be an assistant track coach at CHCA middle school, which would be crazy fun and help out a bit financially as well. We'll see... Still waiting to hear from ETS about the pics I sent in a week or two ago. Hopefully they'll buy a good number of those and give me some positive feedback to be even more successful the next time around.

Spring appears to have sprung, though I realize the temps'll be up and down for awhile. Still, it's helped with my training (that, and not having so much work lately!). I've been out on the bike a few times recently, and even used it for my first 11.5 commuter miles in Cincinnati yesterday! Looking forward to the start of the time trial season, though the big hill on the 40K course is scaring me a bit and I really don't know what kind of time to expect. Running with the Fleet Feet gang has been awesome lately as well! The run/walkers are way cooler, or maybe I just like it better 'cause I'm not always the slowest one anymore... :-) No, but it just makes it more social and therefore more fun when you're not focused entirely on the pain. Actually, I haven't had much pain yet, for which I'm truly thankful, though the long runs are getting longer and taking their toll. We did 14 miles last Saturday, which hurt. Nothing specific, it just sapped every ounce of energy I had, and I'd even forced myself to suck down some gel along the way. Guess I still have some stuff to figure out there. And, I'm not looking forward to doing my long run this week by myself... Oh, well.

Also had to re-plan my summer race schedule when I agreed to go back to New Jersey for the internship again. Except the 70.3 in Michigan August 1, that I've still got to do since it's my A race this year. And the folks in Jersey agreed to let me take 2 days off to get out there and back, so that's awesome. You may recall that I had a rather difficult time in Princeton last summer, yet a big part of me is really looking forward to going back: seeing the friends I met last summer again, training with some skilled and fun athletes, not having to worry about work for two months, competing in a couple of the same races I did last season to see if I've improved... Plus, I definitely won't be staying with Irmgard this summer, so it's bound to be better in that regard, though I will stop by to visit with her. And this time, since I know for sure it's only temporary, I'm not quite as worried to be leaving my Cincinnati friends, even though I will definitely miss them.

Been chatting online with a few nice guys from eHarmony. Looking forward to phone calls and/or getting together soon... Also, a couple friends and I have started a challenge to get out and meet new people and date more casually over the next couple of months. It's kind of exciting to think about, but also terrifyingly uncomfortable at the same time. Could be a good time to learn and grow, though, so we'll see how that goes.

Guess that's about it for now! I'll try to keep more up-to-date with my postings in the future...

Retreat Reflections

It's been awhile since I've taken a weekend away to really focus all my attention on my God. And what a beautiful God he is! I hate to admit it, but I often forget that... Still, there's something about the twinkling of a million stars or a hundred eyes to remind you that God is good.

I was reminded this weekend that truth and faith go hand in hand, and convicted to spend more time learning about and meditating on the truth of who God is and who I am in him.

I was refreshed by humble, honest, beautiful times of worship. I cannot imagine a life without the gift of music, because often times these melodies are the only way I can praise my God when words are not enough.

I was encouraged by the passion of the kids I was supposedly there to lead, and humbled because I realized just how inadequate I was to do that.

And I learned a few random things about myself, too:

I treasure independence to an unhealthy extreme. I'm afraid to need people, (even though I sometimes think I need a man to love and affirm me,) and that sometimes translates into being afraid to need God as well. I know I've put up these walls because of wounds from my past, but I also know that God will never let me down. And yet I find it hard to surrender my "strength" to the tenderness of his touch.

In the midst of pondering these things, God seemed to answer me with this song by Tenth Avenue North called By Your Side:

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Butt Dance

So, I just got back from helping out at my church's youth group retreat, and let me tell you: it was awesome! I'll describe some more specifics and some things I learned soon (since I'm super tired now,) but I couldn't wait to share this video... It's Eric, drawing his Chinese name in the air with his butt. Yep, that's what I said. Why, you ask? Well, see, that was his punishment for not having his name tag at one point during the weekend. Right... O.k.... Well, anyway, just trust me: you'll love this!

Long-Awaited Arrival

Well, after almost two-and-a-half months, the washer and dryer I bought on Black Friday have arrived!

And I can't wait to do my first load of laundry in them tonight, especially after that filthy bike ride last Sunday...

Realization

A month or so ago, I filled out the eHarmony personality profile thing, and now they keep sending me all these matches, guys they think I'm compatible with. But of the 200+ guys they've shown me, I've only found maybe 20 that sound interesting. Even then, though, I can't really respond to any of their communication requests without paying, and I just don't have the money for that right now. Plus, I'm also really skeptical about meeting people online, (although I do have a friend who just married a guy she met on eHarmony). They did have a free communication weekend at the beginning of January, and from that I actually started emailing one guy a bit. He sounded very nice, and smart, and we seemed to have a lot in common, but then he sent me his picture... And I can't say that I'm particularly attracted to him. Maybe I'm shallow, I don't know, or maybe I'm just coming to a realization: I think I'm more attracted to Asian guys these days. I guess it makes sense since most of my friends are Asian, but I was still a little surprised to realize this about myself. Unfortunately, I'm afraid this might limit me even more: even if I were to find a single, young-ish, tall-ish, Asian guy who loved God, had some musical ability and were as active as I am, I'm doubtful that he'd want to date a white girl. Hmm. Guess this'll be another lesson in trusting God.

Everything's Funner with Friends

I have to be honest: I love it when my student cancels his lesson on Wednesday nights. 'Cause that's usually when some friends are cycling, and then I can join them! On warmer days, we do the Wednesday Night Hill Ride out of Team Cycling, but when it's too cold for that, we opt for trainers in someone's living room. Well, last night we made it a ladies' night, swapping the usual BigDave for his better half. I mean, sure, I could have saved at least an hour-and-a-half if I'd have just set the thing up at home, (and then I probably wouldn't have been up until the wee hours of the morning getting songs ready for worship practice,) but it was way funner riding with friends! (And yes, I know that "funner" is not a word, but it's just funner than saying "more fun!") Here's a pic of the three of us: Mrs. BigDave, Mary Sunshine, and me. Yay!