Out Of My Element

I feel like I've become quite the adventurer of late. I mean, that I would even pack up and move ten hours away by myself is in itself a bit surprising to me, but now I'm exploring even more. Like, for instance, I'm currently sitting in the living room of one of the other interns, in Philadelphia. I drove here this morning because there is no race-day packet pick-up for the triathlon tomorrow. Which is also pretty amazing: that I even signed up for this race not knowing anyone else doing it or even anyone else in the city. But God provided this girl, and it's totally cool 'cause I didn't have to pay for a hotel room like I thought I'd have to, and I even got to do a load of laundry this evening!

Anyway, I also feel a bit out of my element because most of the people I've met out here aren't Christian, or at least don't appear to be. It's interesting, because in Cincy, most of the people whose paths I crossed were. Even a lot of the jobs I had in Cincy seemed to be places where a lot of other believers worked, but not so much here apparently. It could be a great opportunity to share with them what's most important to me, but instead I just seem to be paralyzed, realizing that I'm ill-equipped for the task. But then again, that just might be the best place to be: weak so that He can be my strength.

Anyway, I'm still curious to find out what this summer is all about, what God wants to do in me and through me during my time here... So, yeah! Good times.

Feeling More at Home

You know, when I was in China, certain little connections to Cincinnati made me feel closer to home, like seeing a P&G product. Well, I got the same feeling yesterday when I was driving through the Princeton campus and spotted a very familiar-looking building. Immediately, I could tell that the Lewis Library was designed by Frank Gehry because it reminded me so much of the fluid form of the Molecular Studies building on U.C.'s east campus. Anyway, it made me smile. But I'm also just feeling better about everything because I'm getting into a routine with work, working out, checking email, etc. So, no worries. :-)

First Day at ETS

Work today was great. I'm sure part of that was just getting out of the house for the day and meeting some cool new people, but also I think I'm just really going to enjoy the actual work. Which I should probably explain a bit now that I know a little more: apparently we summer interns write hundreds or even thousands of questions that get put into a pool. Then throughout the year, the full-time, on-site teams polish them up, test them, put them together, etc., etc. But it all starts with us. I'll be working on the TOEIC test (Test of English for International Communication), writing items for the speaking and writing parts specifically. There are five of us on those test sections, plus another six writing the listening and reading parts of the TOEIC. And I'm not sure how many other interns there are working on the TOEFL questions, but I'm thinking maybe another 15 or so. Anyway, we all seem to be getting along, and there's even been talk of getting a game of kickball or ultimate frisbee together, so that should fun. However, I am feeling a bit old: most of the other interns are still in school, and one of the girls on my team is only 19! So I guess happy hour is out...

All in all, though, it'll be good I'm sure. They did also mention that there will be openings we could apply for if we find that we enjoy the work, which could be really cool. But I'm still very hesitant to even consider something like that at this point since I miss everyone and everything in Cincinnati so much! Guess I'll just have to wait and see how everything goes. Ah, another lesson in patience and trust...

First Impressions of Princeton

Irmgard (my new landlady/roommate):
sweet, sad, outgoing, helpful, lonely.

The house:
old, dark, a little dirty/cluttered, sufficient for the short-term.

The neighborhood:
very diverse, quiet, close to everything.

The Wagners (Lance's sister's family):
warm, welcoming... just plain awesome.

Being uncomfortable:
priceless.

Yeah, uncomfortable pretty much sums it up at this point. I know that's a good thing sometimes, though, and I'm trying to keep a positive attitude: it'll be a great chance to get some more reading and praying done without all the distractions I have in Cincy; I could use a lesson in living simply; and I think I can really be a blessing to Irmgard. But yeah, it might not be an easy summer, and I do appreciate your prayers...

Just Friends?

O.K., so let me just pose this question: Can guys and girls be just friends?

I think that it's possible but rare, because more often than not one of the people will end up wishing it were more. This brings me back to my old "time theory" as well: if you spend enough time with a person, you will probably end up liking them at some point. At least that's been my experience. Which makes sense, because if you like a person enough as a friend to want to spend so much time with them, it's only logical that it could develop into deeper feelings over time. Because the qualities you appreciate in a friend are generally the same qualities you would hope for in a mate. But, then again, maybe that's just me...

So yeah, I think that perhaps perusing your friends of the opposite sex is the most logical place to look for a potential mate. But that just gets tricky then, because if you're not looking for more than a good friendship, you really have to be very careful about how much time you're spending with these people and how much you share with them... Hmm.

Anyway, those are just my thoughts. What you do you think?

Virtual Intimacy

So I've got this new friend, Kim, who I've been chatting online with a bit lately. In fact, we've probably talked almost as much online as we have face to face since we've only met in person twice. Still, it's been cool getting to know her better through our online conversations, and I'm excited for her to come back to Cincinnati again so we can hang out some more.

What I find interesting about this whole scenario, though, is that it seems to be working, that we seem to be developing a real friendship through this virtual means. But why would that surprise me? Well, I think it's because I've been in similar situations where it was a lot more problematic. For example, I had one friend I talked to a lot on the phone, like for hours at a time, but then when we'd meet in person it just seemed weird, like suddenly the intimacy we'd developed on the phone was missing in person, if that makes sense. Then there was this other person I became "facebook friends" with after meeting once, and we IMed a lot over the course of several weeks. But again, when we met in person the next time, it was just awkward.

So this is one thing Kim and I were chatting about yesterday, this sort of "false intimacy" that seems to develop quite easily when getting to know someone through these modern modes of communication. She mentioned that there's sometimes a superficiality to such conversations, which I can definitely see, but my experience has more often been the opposite: I seem to be quite comfortable discussing topics online that I would never talk about in person with someone I only recently met. And I think this could get me into trouble, particularly when the person I'm chatting with is of the male variety. See, we have these really deep virtual conversations and I think that we're becoming really close, but then when we meet up in person, I realize that in reality we are acquaintances at best.

Problems have also arisen when I've tried to have a serious conversation online, even when it's with a good friend. For example, no matter how well I know a person, I think it's still much more likely for misunderstandings to occur when communicating online, because subtle messages or feelings often get lost without the aid of body language, facial expressions, or tone of voice. Apologies also seem to be particularly difficult because I never seem to know whether the issue has been resolved. Or if I bare my soul to someone online about an especially personal topic, the next time we get together I can't help but think, "Did we really have that conversation?" and the intimacy still seems to be less than what I would expect had we simply talked face to face.

Yeah. So, conclusions? Well, it seems to me that building friendships online may be fine, but it gets a lot trickier when it's a guy-girl thing. (But that gets into a whole nother discussion about whether or not guys and girls can be "just" friends...) Also, if it's a significant conversation of any sort, it's probably safest to just do it in person.

One Of Those Moments

So I had a great idea for a post today (just ask Kim, she'll tell you...), but it's going to have to wait because I'm just not feeling it right now. Why not? Well, 'cause I'm sitting out here in Christy's backyard waiting for the fire we built to die down. And we're laughing a lot because we were just trying to write a song for Lydia who was stuck inside writing a paper while we were enjoying the fire and watching several loitering deer (because for some reason I told her that's what we were doing when she took a break to visit us awhile back). So anyway, Christy's hilarious songs are cracking me up, and we were just having so much fun that I was (perhaps somewhat arrogantly) thinking, "if people could see us now, they couldn't help but fall in love with us!" Now, I've had these moments before, times when I really just like me and think others should too, but they don't happen often and I'm pretty sure others would actually just think I'm really strange if they saw me. Yeah, I just don't think it works the way that I wish it did. Pity...

(Incidentally, I'll get back to the other cool post I had planned maybe tomorrow, and another will follow at some point about some of the things that make me like me, as well as some of things I don't like so much...)

Reusables?

So, my parents came down to Cincinnati today to help me pack everything up so I can move out of this apartment and head off to New Jersey next week. And you know, I must say, although I don't enjoy the packing and moving, it sure is a good way to consolidate all the junk we Americans tend to accumulate when we stay in any one place too long. Well anyway, as we were going through old stuff and making decisions about what to take, what to pack, what to throw away, etc., my mom remembered that my old wedding dress is still stored away in a closet up at their house. So she asked me what I might want to do with it. She assumed that I probably wouldn't want to hang onto it now since the sentimentality is gone, and that perhaps I'd want to sell it. "Also," she said, "if you do get married again you probably won't be having another big formal wedding, right? And even if you did you wouldn't wear the same dress." Hmm, I hadn't really thought about all that. But now that I am, yeah, I suppose I'd have to agree: it'd be a little weird to wear the same dress. Still, it's a shame, because it's a really nice dress...

Anyway, that whole discussion reminded me of a similar dilemma I've been facing regarding my old ring. If I try to sell it, I'll get much less for it that it originally cost or than it's really worth, so my first thought was to take the diamond out and use it if and when I do get married again. I mean, if my future fiance had it reset, it'd be like a completely new and different ring, at least in my mind. But some friends have told me that they'd be surprised if he'd be comfortable using a diamond that was purchased by my ex. Hmm. Yeah, I can understand that. But again, it's really too bad: that could save a good bit of money...

Thoughts, anyone? About the possible weirdness of reusing these things, or perhaps other ways to make use of them?

Frustrated

O.k., so I know that we all struggle with certain issues, right? Well, I've just been feeling particularly frustrated with myself lately and came back to these verses again:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. . . . I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. . . . So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! . . . Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.

Romans 7:15-8:2

It's one of my favorite and least favorite passages in the Bible: favorite because I realize that I'm not alone in my sin-struggles; least favorite because even though it ends well, I can just feel the tension as I read it, like I'm physically being pulled in two different directions. It makes me feel a little hopeless... Hmm. But if I read it more carefully, to the end, I remember that there is relief, rescue, freedom in Christ! And it's not referring to the freedom to go on sinning, but rather that through Christ we actually have the freedom to choose NOT to sin when we're confronted with it! That's some powerful stuff. I just wish I remembered to tap into that power more consistently...

Physical Stuff

Yeah, I hesitate to include these, 'cause if I hope to be loved for who I am inside rather than my appearance, I would hope I could offer the same. And yet, let's be honest, these things matter to an extent. So...

He should...

• Be taller than me.
• Have good teeth (i.e. straight, white).
• Be bigger/stronger than me. (I.e. not too skinny, though not too chunky either.)
• Want to try to look nice, but not be obsessed with his appearance.
• Have nice eyes and a smile that makes me melt.
• Not be very hairy, particularly in the chest/back regions.
• (I also tend to prefer dark hair and eyes, though that’s definitely not a hard and fast rule.)
• (Strong/toned arms and shoulders are sweet.)
• (Soccer-player legs, too.)