This Adventure Called Life: The Gaps

Well, if you've been following my blog at all, (though why would you, really, since I rarely write anymore?) you may have some lingering questions about this Derek fellow. So now I'm finally making time to fill in some of the gaps. (I do want to point out, though, that what follows is also the very reason why I haven't had much time to blog lately. See? Not my fault!)

On April 5, I wrote: "I think I'm really gonna like dating. ;-)" See, that was the day after my first date with Derek. Obviously, I had a pretty good time! He drove down from Columbus and took me to Newport on the Levee for dinner, a movie, and ice cream. It was all strangely comfortable. We'd only been emailing a short time, and had had only one phone conversation before this get-together - granted, it was a 4-hour call, but still! - and yet I felt completely at ease with him. At the same time, I was hesitant to assume it was anything more than that: just a good first date. Plus, I was still just looking forward to meeting and dating a lot of different guys, to learn more about myself and what I needed and wanted in my next relationship. So, I continued emailing several other guys I'd been chatting with from e-harmony, which resulted in a painfully long and boring phone call with another would-be suitor, as well as a very awkward Starbucks meeting with a third bachelor. After those two incidents, I completely changed my mind about dating: not so much fun! I realized not only that I'm not the "date-around" type, but also that the encounter with Derek was indeed unique and special. As we continued talking on the phone, im-ing, texting, and hanging out over the next few weeks, we got to know each other more deeply and began to feel things neither of us had experienced in a long time.

O.k., fast forward to May 2 and 3, Flying Pig weekend. Derek was wonderful, so patient and encouraging as I got ready for my first marathon. On Saturday, I called him my "boyfriend" for the first time, since I had finally decided to give up the idea of dating other people. After all, why would I force myself to go out and meet other random guys when all I really wanted to do each day was talk to Derek or spend time with Derek? So Sunday after the race, we went to his friend's wedding as as officially exclusive couple.

Keep in mind, all this time, Derek is pursuing me intently. He gave me a beaded necklace made by his co-worker on our second date. He brought me flowers several times and even had flowers delivered one day. He affirmed me in all the ways I needed. He encouraged me to pursue God more and he prayed with me. He wrote me sweet notes and poured out his heart to me. He struggled at times to tell me what he was really feeling because it was so intense, and so soon, and because I was so hesitant to give in to the feelings that were starting to take over me as well. But he loved me, in word and in deed, and it wasn't long before I knew that I loved him too.

We talked about marriage early on, partly because we've both been there before and know a little better than others perhaps what we need and want and don't want. But we were also going through a sermon series on marriage in my small group, which was enlightening in several ways I'll explain more in a future post. One of the biggest lessons I learned from that, though, was that love is so much more than a warm, fuzzy feeling; it's an action, and a choice. No matter how good a match is, how good a marriage is, there will be days when each person is irritated or frustrated with the other, and when they might not even like each other very much. But if I trusted that Derek would choose to love me even then, and if I knew that he was worth choosing to love even at those times, then that's what would make ours a strong, happy, enduring union.

I could go into lots of reasons I knew I loved him, but I already blogged about all of that. But it was really when I went off to Yosemite for my brother's wedding (blog to come on that, too...)that things really started happening. I was gone almost a week, but it seemed like much longer in certain ways. For example, no day seemed complete until I talked to Derek about everything that had happened. But even that didn't really seem good enough because I wanted to share all those experiences with him, rather than trying to describe everything for him afterwards. And actually, I found that I really couldn't enjoy the beauty of my surroundings quite as much without him next to me. Yes, I concluded then that I never wanted to travel by myself again.

He was struggling a lot in my absence as well, from what I understand, and concluded something similar: he didn't want to go through this life without me either. He picked me up from the airport on Wednesday and we went ring shopping that night, he looked again and bought something at a shop in Columbus the next day, and on Friday he drove back down to propose.

It was tricky at first because everyone was really surprised that we'd gotten engaged so quickly, but things quieted down as the news spread and settled in. Still, we said we didn't want to rush into wedding planning at the expense of preparing for the marriage, so we decided not to even set a date till September. Of course, that didn't last either, and now, thanks in part to my father's power of suggestion, we're getting married on October 17! We both always liked the idea of a fall wedding, and God worked it out to where we can do it then at the place we want in Hocking Hills, even though there was originally a scheduling conflict... Anyway, that's the plan! And here's a little preview of what it'll look like: