This Adventure Called Life

Enough Already!

2011-03-03T23:39:00.001-05:00

It’s Thursday, February 17, the day after my birthday. When I arrive at Fleet Feet for my training run, I get out of the car and smell hot metal. It’s a familiar smell to me, and very troubling, because the last time I smelled this I ended up having to spend more than $1000 for brake pads, a caliper, a bearing, etc.… I tell Derek about it later that night, and we agree that we can’t take my car on our trip home for the weekend as planned. The following week, I take the car in to have it checked out. They find that I have no brake pads left, which explains the metal-on-metal smell but not why the new pads I’d gotten a year-and-a-half earlier would be gone already. After they replace those, they discover that, once again, my caliper (though probably the one on the other wheel) is sticking and needs to be replaced. I get my car back on Thursday, February 24. It kind of stinks that we have to use $717.60 for car repairs that we were planning to put on a credit card, but it’s not the end of the world.

A few hours later, I get a call from Derek. He’s been in a car accident. He’s o.k., but he can’t tell me more yet because he has to go talk to the police officer who arrived at the scene a few minutes after the crash. Later I learn that a woman in an oncoming car ran a red light and hit the front end of Derek’s car. Again, he’s fine, and the car doesn’t look too bad, but I’m freaking out because we just spent all that money on my car and I know how expensive collision repairs can be. He takes Friday off work to figure things out with his car and our insurance, and we receive some good news: the estimate for his repairs are only $780.10, much less than the $2500 estimate I received when I hit a guard rail a year or two ago. Still, it’s a lot of money, but nothing we can’t handle. It’ll just push our get-out-of-debt plan back a month.

On Saturday, February 19, I take my computer to a repair guy I’ve worked with before to find out what’s wrong with my DVD drive. It hasn’t been working for a while, not recognizing any discs I put in, and when I bought and tried a new drive that didn’t work either. So I’m hopeful that Matt at Midwest Protech can help. When I arrive, he opens up my computer and it won’t start up. It says there’s a problem with the hard drive and it starts trying to repair itself. Of course, that can also make it destroy what’s left of the hard drive, so he stops it. He tries a few things and concludes that my hard drive has died. Thirty minutes earlier, the computer was working fine for me, apart from the DVD drive, so I’m kind of in shock. Fabulous, another unexpected expense. I manage to hold the tears in until I get back to my car, at which point I start bawling. I call Derek, and we decide that I need to go computer shopping. Sure, I could use his computer for work for a while, but his machine is also four years old and not sounding very good. Fortunately, I find a great sale price on a new laptop and pick it up later that night. On Sunday, I drive it out to Matt, along with a new external hard drive, so that he can move everything from the old computer onto both the new machine and the backup hard drive. It costs $531.94 for the new computer and hard drive, plus $117.52 for Matt’s services, plus $79.95 for MS Office (since we couldn’t get that off the old computer for some reason and I can’t find my original install disc), for a grand total of $729.41. What’s up with all the $700 emergencies? But they come in three’s, right? So we should be done now.

Fortunately, once I get the new computer back with its working DVD drive, I can finally install TurboTax and get started on our 2009 return (the very thing that prompted all of this in the first place). On Tuesday, March 1, I quickly input all the data and discover that, rather than receiving a $1000+ refund like we did last year and were counting on again, we actually OWE $1019 for federal and state taxes. What?!? I still need to check all the figures, but I’m pretty sure it’s right. See, Derek changed his W-2 to “married” after we got married, so apparently they haven’t been taking out as much as the previous year or as much as they should have been. Yeah, this is all starting to get pretty old right about now. I ponder 1 Cor. 4:8-9 – “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.” It does bring a bit of comfort, because I know that God has always and will always provide for us. But it doesn’t make it any more fun.

And finally – for now… – I take my cat to the vet yesterday, Wednesday March 2, to find out why she’s not eating well and throwing up more. We suspect her kidneys are failing, but that wasn’t entirely clear from her last batch of tests a few months ago. I wonder if perhaps she has more tooth decay, making it painful for her to chew. Well, the vet sees a little redness in her mouth, but doesn’t think it’d be bad enough to make it hard for her to chew. She suggests we run the blood and urine tests again, as well as take a couple of x-rays. I reluctantly agree, as this all costs $286.02, which we obviously don’t have at the moment, but I have to take care of my baby and find out what’s wrong. The blood tests show that certain levels that indicate kidney failure are a little higher than last time, but they’re still not terrible. The x-ray, on the other hand, reveals a mass in her chest, near her lymph nodes, which is most likely lymphoma (cancer). In order to find out for sure, we’d have to pay another $300 for an ultrasound, but we don’t see much sense in that since we wouldn’t pursue chemotherapy anyway. I’m actually really glad we paid for the x-rays, though, because at least now I know that there IS something wrong with her and that we can’t really do anything about it. So we’ll just wait till she stops eating, or starts coughing or throwing up more, or in any other way appears to be uncomfortable or in pain, and then we’ll say goodbye. It won’t be easy, but she’s had a good long life. She’s been with me through it all, and I’ve enjoyed her immensely over the last 12 years. For now, I’m just going to make the most of the time we have left and pray for peace for us both as her time comes to a close.

So… yeah. We were thinking we’d have all the credit cards paid off by this summer, but $3500+ of unexpected expenses in the matter of a week will likely push that back to the fall. Still, we’re o.k. We’ll make it, it’ll just take a little longer. Plus, we get some more practice in trusting God, which is always good, and we’ve been blessed immensely by the love and generosity of our dear brothers and sisters in Christ who have come alongside to support us through all of this. God is indeed good, all the time.

God's Wisdom

2010-09-17T17:58:00.003-04:00

My devotional today led me to 1 Cor. 1:18-31, which contrasts the wisdom of the world and of God. Actually, the world often considers God's wisdom to be foolishness, but for us who believe there is power in the "foolishness" of the cross. What struck me most from this passage wasn't really what the devotional was talking about (which was also good, though), but just about the way God chose to save his children. "Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God" (1 Cor. 1:22-24). The message of Christ is so simple in some ways, but, in part due to its simplicity, it is also very hard for people to accept sometimes. "All I have to do to be saved is just believe?" Yep, pretty much!

But if the gospel is such a stumbling block, why would God choose this method? Wouldn't a message of works rather than grace be easier to swallow? That's how we might have packaged salvation if we were in charge. But "'my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts'" (Isaiah 55:8-9). Ah, yes... And since we can never earn salvation in our imperfection, God found a better way: "He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things - and the things that are not - to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus . . ." (1 Cor. 28-30, italics added). Just when I start to feel superior somehow for recognizing the wisdom of God rather than stumbling over it, he reminds me that I'm only his because he chose me to believe (Eph. 1:4-6). (Which is a whole other discussion...) But suffice it to say that today, I'm just thanking my God for his incomprehensible grace and his infinite wisdom.

Acts 15

2010-06-15T22:17:00.003-04:00

So, apparently, some men were teaching that believers had to be circumcised in order to be saved, which upset Paul and Barnabas. After a heated debate about the issue, it was decided that a few of the believers, including Paul and Barnabas, should go to Jerusalem to discuss the matter with the apostles and elders there. Then it sounds like, as they were describing everything God had done through them among the Gentiles, some Pharisees also brought up the issue of circumcision and the law of Moses. Again, they began debating. Then Peter stood up and reminded everyone that when God had sent him to share the gospel with the Gentiles, He gave them the Holy Spirit too, making no distinction between the Jews and Gentiles. I like verses 10 and 11 of his argument: "Now, therefore, why are you putting God to the test by placing a yoke on the neck of the disciples that neither our fathers nor we have been able to bear? But we believe that we will be saved through the grace of the Lord Jesus, just as they will." Exactly! Why were they pushing the law onto the new Gentile believers when they themselves could not keep the law nor be saved by it?

After Paul and Barnabas described the signs and wonders God had done through them among the Gentiles, James spoke up. His verdict was that they shouldn't trouble the Gentile believers with circumcision, but should write and remind them to keep these four laws: to abstain from food sacrificed to idols, from sexual immorality, from the meat of strangled animals, and from blood. So they sent Judas (Barsabbas) and Silas with Paul and Barnabas to deliver a letter with that information. And the people received the letter with rejoicing because of its encouragement.

My thoughts/questions on this chapter: first, why did they decide that these four laws were the only ones the Gentiles needed to keep? Why were they considered more important than the myriad other Old Testament laws? It seems like maybe they realized that circumcision was more cultural than critical to the Christian faith, since God had given the Holy Spirit to the uncircumcised Gentiles as well. But how did they choose which other laws could be dismissed for the Gentiles? And similarly, how do WE discern which Old Testament laws are still relevant and critical for us today (a question I've often pondered and have also blogged about in the past)? And finally, this all just makes me think about how much of the practice of our faith is cultural rather than Biblical. Yet I'm pretty sure that missionaries have often imposed their own cultural Christian practices upon their converts. Just a good reminder that when we go and share the gospel in other countries and among other peoples, we'd better be careful not to push our culture on them in the process of helping them live out their new faith.

Acts 14

2010-06-14T23:35:00.003-04:00

In the first few verses, it talks about how Paul and Barnabas were preaching in Iconium when both Gentiles and Jews plotted to "mistreat" them. (I wonder if they were plotting together or if both groups were plotting independently?) So, they fled to Lystra, but "continued to preach the gospel" (Acts 14:7). Such a testimony to the conviction with which they believed their own message, that it was worth risking their lives for!

In Lystra, Paul healed a crippled man and the people of the city thought they must be gods come down in human form. They tried making sacrifices to Paul and Barnabas, even when they swore that they, too, were only men. Their message was clear: "we bring you good news, that you should turn from these vain things to a living God, who made the heaven and the earth and the sea and all that is in them" (Acts 14:15). They went on to say that in the past God let them go their own way, but he never left himself without witness: he gave them rains and fruitful harvests to satisfy their hearts. Just makes me think about all the good gifts God has given me and how often I take them for granted, treasuring the gifts above the Giver. And I wonder what "vain things" I'm chasing after now instead of pursuing my God wholeheartedly...

They traveled a bit more, "strengthening the souls of the disciples [and] encouraging them to continue in the faith" (Acts 14:22), and eventually made it back to Antioch, "where they had been commended to the grace of God for the work that they had fulfilled" (Acts 14:26). They reported what God had done through them and spent some time with the disciples there. It must have been so nice for them to be "home" with the disciples there and share all they had seen!

Acts 13

2010-06-05T03:06:00.004-04:00

I've read this chapter several times already, but tonight I actually took the time to record some thoughts on it afterward. I'm thinking there must be something really good in here for me since I've read it 3 or 4 times now... :-)

When I first read verses 2 and 3, I felt a little jealous of the way the Holy Spirit actually spoke aloud and called Saul and Barnabas to his work. "Why can't I hear the Holy Spirit so clearly?" I wondered. But upon reading it again, I noticed that the call was in fact rather vague: "Set apart for me Barnabas and Saul for the work to which I have called them" (Acts 13:2). What work is that? Or had he previously outlined it more specifically? I'm guessing not, because this doesn't sound too different from the call Abraham received centuries (millenia?) before: "Go from your country and your kindred and your father's house to the land that I will show you . . ." (Gen. 12:1-3). It seems God often wants us to follow him without knowing all the details, though I'm not sure exactly why. Maybe we can't handle all the specifics right away, maybe he wants to know we have faith in his leading, maybe... Regardless, it's somewhat reassuring to know I'm not the only one who's a little fuzzy on the details of where God wants me to go.

In verses 6-12, Saul/Paul and Barnabas come across a certain false prophet magician who was hanging around an intelligent proconsul. The proconsul summons Saul/Paul and Barnabas because he wants to hear the word of God, but of course the magician opposes them, wanting to turn the proconsul away from the faith. Then Paul, filled with the Holy Spirit, says, "You son of the devil, you enemy of all righteousness, full of all deceit and villainy, will you not stop making crooked the straight paths of the Lord?" (Acts 13:10). He also makes him blind, and the proconsul believes when he sees all of this. How long had it been since Saul himself had been persecuting Christians? And yet here he is speaking with such power and authority. And again in verses 16-41, Paul speaks out in a/the synagogue in Antioch, summarizing God's work from their forefathers' exodus from Egypt all the way through Jesus' resurrection. I love these verses: "And we bring you the good news that what God promised to the fathers, this he has fulfilled to us their children by raising Jesus" (Acts 13:32-33). Once again, we see someone starting from what his listeners know and understand and explaining how it all leads to Jesus. Beautiful, powerful. And the people wanted more: "As they went out, the people begged that these things might be told them the next Sabbath. . . . [and] the next Sabbath almost the whole city gathered to hear the word of the Lord." (Acts 13:42, 44). But of course the Jews were jealous and set out to discredit Paul. He and Barnabas thus fulfilled the scriptures, speaking the word of God first to the Jews, but then turned to share the good news with the Gentiles instead (Acts 13:45-49).

It kind of amazes me, too, how confidently Paul speaks out in these two instances. I mean, he had so vehemently persecuted the believers before his conversion, and yet now he preaches with no fear or shame. I often feel unworthy to speak for Christ, and my past isn't nearly as blemished as Paul's (if we can measure or compare sin, which I suppose we can't really). Why does guilt so often linger long after forgiveness comes? Oh, how I long for the confidence Paul displays here!

So, the two lessons I take from this chapter: I want to know and understand and hear and trust the Holy Spirit more. I think that is probably also the key to confidence in Christ. And I want to know and understand and love and use the Scriptures more.

Yep, good stuff.

Acts 12

2010-05-20T23:55:00.003-04:00

This chapter opens with Herod killing James the brother of John and then imprisoning Peter. The church prayed earnestly for him, and miraculously he escaped one night with the aid of an angel. Sounds a bit too incredible to be real, right? I don't know, we see lots of miracles in the Scriptures. Too bad God doesn't move like that today, eh?

But actually, this account sounds a lot like the stories of Brother Yun, an intensely persecuted Chinese house church leader, as recorded in his autobiography The Heavenly Man. (If you haven't read it, I highly recommend it.) It reminds me that God is alive and active in our world today, as much as he was in the days of the early church. True, in this country we don't often see God working in such miraculous ways, but I think that's mostly because we don't need or expect him to.

Tonight, I'm praising God for his power and his passion for his people. And I'm praying that I would learn to truly believe and trust him to work miraculously in my life.

Acts 11

2010-05-18T23:04:00.001-04:00

In the beginning of this chapter, Peter is being criticized for interacting with uncircumcized men, so he recounts the vision he'd had (in chapter 10) and how the Lord led him to share the Good News with the Gentiles. After they heard the Good News, many believed and received the Holy Spirit, which surprised the Jews. At the end of his explanation, Peter reasons: "If then God gave the same gift to them as he gave to us when we believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, who was I that I could stand in God's way?" (Acts 11:17). That pretty much silenced all the grumbling, and everyone glorified God.

Exactly: If God decides to work in a certain way, however surprising we may find it, who are we to stand in the way of that? Beautiful.

Acts 10

2010-05-17T18:54:00.003-04:00

This is kind of a hard chapter for me. I mean, it's pretty awesome how God spoke to both Peter and Cornelius to get them ready to meet and learn from one another, but I'm trying to put myself in the shoes of the Jews here, and it's tough. All their lives they've been told they can't associate with non-Jews, and then all of a sudden that changes? And so then I'm thinking about all the other ways people today claim that God's Word no longer applies to us: like how women can preach now, and homosexuality is o.k., and divorce is just a part of life. And it's such a struggle for me to justify why I believe that some of God's laws no longer apply while other do.

In this chapter, God clearly announces a change. With other issues, I think God's plan and desire clearly has NOT changed, even if our culture has, and those are the hardest things to discuss with non-believers or even believers who hold a different viewpoint on a very controversial topic. And then there are those areas where I'm just not sure what I think God wants us to do with His Word today.

In Acts 10:34-43, Peter shares the Good News with the Gentiles. He says: "God shows no partiality, but in every nation anyone who fears him and does what it right is acceptable to him." This is a good reminder that while God welcomes believers from every background, he still requires that we all "do what is right." We all come to him as sinners, but if our faith is real and we are truly seeking after Him, He will change us.

I guess right now I'm just praying that the Holy Spirit would to help me better understand God's Word and how it applies to our lives in our world today.

Acts 9

2010-04-26T18:14:00.003-04:00

To me, this chapter is all about transformation: first we're told of Saul's conversion, and then the healing of paralyzed Aeneas, and finally Tabitha/Dorcas being restored to life. They're all very different accounts, but the main idea is the same: God changes us. He redirects our focus, He uses us for his glory, He heals us, He restores to us life itself when all hope seems lost.

God is good.

I have my own stories of transformation, too. I once was lost, searching aimlessly for an elusive, earthly acceptance. But God met me where I was and poured out his love on me, offering grace and forgiveness and a joy I'd not known before that. I was abandoned by someone who was supposed to love me, left alone, confused, and feeling hopeless. But God picked me up and surrounded me with brothers and sisters whose love and friendship carried me through a very dark time.

Yes, God is good.

In other ways, though, I still look forward to His transforming power in my life. I don't know if He'll ever free me from sins I still struggle with. I don't know when He'll heal the last, lingering wounds from my past. I don't know how He'll strengthen my faith, my marriage, my passion, my purpose. But I know that He is the only one who can.

Indeed, God is good!

Acts 8

2010-04-21T16:09:00.002-04:00

At the start of this chapter, we see that the early Christians were being persecuted, so I guess they fled. At least, that's what I assume "they were scattered" means. But did this mean defeat for those early believers? Did the enemy triumph that day? Absolutely not! God used what was intended for evil to bring about good in this situation, as he so often does: "Now those who were scattered went about preaching the word" (Acts 8:4). Rather than squelching the spread of the Good News, this persecution promoted it. You know, I sometimes think we need a little more persecution in our Christian lives. In this country anyway, it's easy to get comfortable in our private, personal faith, forgetting those who have yet to hear the name or offer of Jesus Christ. Persecution changes that: it forces people to choose passion for their living God, if that's the choice they make. But hot or cold, persecution leaves no room for lukewarm. I'm not sure I really want to pray for persecution in my own life, but I do pray for passion at any cost.

Later in the chapter, the Lord arranges a divine meeting between Philip and a court official for the queen of Ehiopia. Philip hears the eunuch reading from the prophet Isaiah and asks him if he knows what it means. "And he said, 'How can I, unless someone guides me?' And he invited Philip to come up and sit with him" (Acts 8:31). Now, this guy was obviously hungry for God. He was searching the Scriptures and actively pursuing truth, so naturally Philip told him the good news about Jesus. I like to think that if I were in Philip's shoes I could do the same thing. But what about the others we encounter in this life who are maybe searching in the wrong place, or maybe don't even know where to begin their search for truth? Or what about those people who are lost but don't realize it, or who are so lost they've lost the hope to be found? Can we, like Philip, meet them where they are? Can we also explain how Jesus alone can meet their every need? I wish I were better at recognizing and explaining what I know to be the only solution to all of life's problems: Jesus. Praying for the Spirit's guidance tonight, and the boldness to speak truth when the opportunity arises.

Acts 7

2010-04-16T23:02:00.002-04:00

Tonight I read Acts 7. It's a good one.

So, after Stephen is seized and charged falsely, the high priest asks him if the accusations are true. For some reason, he decided to go back to Abraham and explain I don't know how many hundreds of years of Israel's history. It's a great summary, though, and I'm just in awe of how accurately this chapter depicts so much of the Old Testament. I wonder how it was written... I mean, I don't think people in those days had copies of the Law and the Prophets just lying around to study, but Stephen (and Luke) obviously knew their Scriptures. It's just amazing to me to think about this holy book and how it all came to be over so many years and with so many authors... Nothing short of miraculous, I'd say.

Then, when Stephen is done with his history lesson, he starts criticizing his accusers and captors: "You stiff-necked people..." he begins (Acts 7:51-53). Up to that point, he probably wasn't really telling them anything they hadn't heard before, but with this they'd heard enough. "They were enraged, and they ground their teeth at him" (vs. 54). So they took him out and stoned him (vs. 57-59). And yet, Stephen seemed completely at peace, full of the Holy Spirit, gazing up into heaven at the glory of God (vs. 55-56). He even asked God not to hold their sins against them (vs. 60), which reminds me of Jesus' own plea on the cross.

From this chapter I take away two things: I wish I knew God's Word better, and I wonder how I would handle facing death for my faith. Stephen is truly a role model in both regards.

Acts 6

2010-04-16T00:06:00.003-04:00

Two things stood out to me as I read this chapter tonight.

The Twelve decided they should choose some reputable men to take care of the widows while they themselves continued preaching the word (Acts 6:1-6). It's not like they were above waiting tables or anything, but they knew where their gifts were and wanted to be faithful in using those gifts for the glory of God. I think it's easy sometimes to consider certain ministries more "important" or at least more "glamorous," but we are all part of the same body, called to serve in whatever way God equips us. Praying that God would confirm and/or reveal to me how he's specifically prepared me for ministry, and praying that my service would please him.

Then, some men started arguing with Stephen, "but they could not withstand the wisdom and the Spirit with which he was speaking" (Acts 6:10). So what did they do? Accept that wisdom and join the body of believers? Of course not! They secretly plotted against him, seized him, and set up false witnesses against him. Why are men (and women) so stubborn sometimes? Praying that God would show me ways in which I'm stubborn, too, and change me with his word of truth.

Acts 5

2010-04-15T00:20:00.003-04:00

(Sorry, can't keep coming up with catchy titles for posts about random thoughts as I re-read Scripture...)

Continuing in Acts, chapter 5 tonight. A few thoughts:

In the story of Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1-11), their sin was not that they did not give all they received from selling their land, but rather that they lied about the amount, I guess to appear more generous and/or holy. But Peter pointed out that they did not lie to men but to God. In our lives, people we try to deceive may not always catch on as quickly as Peter did here, but we need to remember that we can never fool God. He knows our true heart and motives.
I love Peter's answer when he's asked why they continued teaching in Jesus' name even after they were strictly forbidden to do so: "We must obey God rather than men" (Acts 5:29).
And I love the logic Gamaliel uses to reason with the council of chief priests who wanted to kill the apostles for speaking out in truth: "If this plan or this undertaking is of man, it will fail; but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them. You might even be found opposing God!" (Acts 5:38-39). He mentioned several other men who rose to power and gathered quite a few followers, but reminded the leaders how everyone was scattered once those men had died. So, in effect he's saying, "Why bother fighting this? Let's just leave them alone. If it's from God we can't stop it anyway, but if it's from man then it will take care of itself in time." Interesting. I wonder why some athiests today feel the need to fight so vehemently against Christianity...

Criticism Countered

2010-04-13T19:26:00.003-04:00

Today, I continued reading in Acts, chapters 3 and 4. Two things stood out to me:

In chapter 3, Peter heals a lame man, then begins speaking to the people gathered there. He talks about how, even acting out of ignorance, they helped God fulfill what the prophets foretold about Christ's suffering. Then he says, "Repent therefore, and turn again, that your sins may be blotted out, that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord . . ." (Acts 3:19-20, ESV). Refreshing comes from the presence of the Lord. How often I forget that and how naturally I turn to countless other gods seeking refreshment! And then in verse 26 he says, "God, having raised up his servant, sent him to you first, to bless you by turning every one of you from your wickedness" (italics mine). Non-believers criticize Christianity's limitations and laws, but here I'm reminded that God blesses us by freeing us from our own wickedness. In His power I am, for the first time, free to choose NOT to sin. Oh, but why don't I utilize that power more often to choose good rather than evil, holiness rather than sin!

And then in chapter 4, Peter, filled with the Holy Spirit, begins preaching again: ". . . there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved" (Acts 4:12). Again, Christianity is criticized for being exclusive and intolerant, and yet Peter boldly proclaims the only way to salvation. He knows what is true, and he will not be silent. In fact, he says, "we cannot but speak of what we have seen and heard" (Acts 4:20). The believers there that day prayed, too, for continued boldness in proclaiming truth (vs. 4:29). Why am I so different from those early believers? Why is it so easy for me to remain silent about all I've seen and heard? Today, I echo that prayer for boldness. How can I possibly keep quiet with all my God has done for me?

Chance?

2010-04-12T22:34:00.004-04:00

Today I decided to begin reading Acts again. Not sure why, just sat down and began reading there. But I wanted to be a little more deliberate in reading, so I chose a different translation than I'm used to - the ESV. (I find that I often just kind of skim over stuff I'm already familiar with in the NIV.)

Anyway...

Not a lot of new insight or anything, but one thing I noticed: when deciding whether Joseph (called Barsabbas) or Matthias should take Judas' place, the apostles prayed and then cast lots. I can't say I understand exactly how "casting lots" works, but I think it's kind of like flipping a coin, right? So it would perhaps appear to be luck or chance that chose Matthias, but we assume God's hand was behind it since they prayed first. Just kinda makes me wonder how much, if anything, in life is truly left to chance... I tend to think of some things as being pretty random (like a coin toss to begin a football game), just because I assume God doesn't really care how that turns out. But does he? I mean, he's big enough and omnipresent, so why couldn't he be concerned about everything all at once, from the most obviously important all the way to the seemingly trivial details of life? And then I think: He's probably interested and involved in every detail of MY life, too. Even the things that I think he wouldn't be concerned about, he probably is. And that makes me smile.

Then in chapter 2, I really like how the ESV has vs. 36: "Let all the house of Israel therefore know for certain that God has made him both Lord and Christ, this Jesus whom you crucified." Peter preached a pretty good sermon there, and about three thousand were saved that day! Can you imagine? To be a part of something so huge? To be there when the Spirit was so obviously in their presence? And how awesome that God used Peter in such a magnificent way so soon after he denied knowing or being with Jesus. Praise God for his forgiveness and the second chances he offers! And I wonder: How might he use me in the future? How honored I will be! I just pray I hear his calling or feel his prompting so I don't walk right past such opportunities.

Good Morning, Girls!

2010-04-12T22:18:00.005-04:00

In January, my BFF Beth emailed all the girls from our old college Bible study, asking if we'd be interested in starting up a long-distance, email-based accountability group. We would each do our own quiet times and then email the group to let everyone know what we'd learned, or what we were thinking or praying about. Everyone agreed that it was a fabulous idea, and in fact, the answer to a prayer. In college, I think we all took for granted how easy it was to walk with God together, but in the real world, it's often hard to connect with people and share with each other the deeper things that are going on in our lives.

It's been three months now since our "Good Morning Girls" group began, and I have to say, it's been a huge blessing! Yes, it's been awesome re-connecting with some of my favorite people, but even more than that, I'm thankful for the accountability. Honestly, it had been a long time time since I'd been faithful in spending time with God each day. And sure, sometimes it still feels like a chore, a task to cross off the old to-do list, but more often than not God rewards my effort with some neat new insight from his Word or just a sweet time of prayer with my true BFF.

Sometimes I write a lot to my girls - I'm sure their eyes widen when they open my message and find a novel. But I've found that I learn the most when I write out my thoughts on what I'd read or prayed. That is when it all really sinks in and settles into my soul. Sometimes I read my emails to Derek, too, and he always tells me how I should really be writing these thoughts in my blog. Which I've been meaning to do, almost since the Good Morning Girls got started. But then, I thought, I'd have to write an introduction to explain where these random postings are coming from... and so I never got around to it. Till tonight. 'Cause Derek told me AGAIN how I really should. So there ya go! Enjoy.

The Wedding Dress Fiasco

2009-10-29T15:06:00.018-04:00

There are a lot of other things I'd prefer to blog about, but this is what's going on with me right now, and I just need to vent a bit. Plus, people have been asking for the story, so here goes:

Derek and I got engaged shortly before I went out to work in New Jersey for the summer, so I was doing a majority of my wedding planning remotely. One of the first things I did out there, on July 11, was to visit David's Bridal. It wasn't so much fun since I had to go by myself, on a Saturday, when the store was crazy crowded. Still, I found a few things I thought could work, and that wouldn't cost too terribly much. Because we were planning a relatively informal, outdoor ceremony in a rustic location, I didn't want anything too fancy, and I didn't want a train I could trip over on the hike down to our waterfall.

One dress I liked had a halter top, with a faux wrap look, and it could be special-ordered with no train:

The other option I was considering was a bridesmaid's skirt and halter top, like this, only in white:

Still, I hesitated to make a final decision by myself out there.

When I talked to Derek about the options and showed him the pictures, he said either was fine. But he also mentioned that he had a co-worker who had been making wedding dresses for 25 years. He gave me her email address and I wrote to her a couple of days later. I sent her the pictures, and asked some questions, and also requested to see some pictures of work she'd done. She wrote back with just "That would be a simple dress to make." From Derek, I learned that it would only take her about a week, and that it would only cost about $100. I wrote her back a week-and-a-half later, since I'd heard nothing else from her in that time. In her next response, she again assured me that it would be simple to make, and she also clarified on my cost question: "The materials cost about 100 and then I dont charge much for doing. I do not have a specific price for my sewing. I normally ask give me what you think it is worth." Unfortunately, she said, she didn't have any pictures since those were on another computer of hers that had crashed.

At any rate, she was so confident that Derek trusted her, and I trusted him, so on July 28, I agreed to have her make the dress. Derek and I were both thinking we'd give her another $1oo on top of the cost of materials, for a grand total of $200. Not bad! Yep, it looked like our plan for a small, simple, cheap wedding might actually be possible.

O.k., fast forward. After I came back from New Jersey, Derek and I met with this woman at a Dunkin' Donuts near their office. She looked me over and said that I looked exactly like my pictures. She wrote down my clothes sizes, but when I asked her if she needed to take my measurements, she assured me it wasn't necessary. She also said she had material already, with which she had planned to make a wedding dress for her daughter, though her daughter had decided to just buy one instead.

A couple of weeks later, Derek informed me that she had started my dress, and was really excited about it. The first week in October, I drove up to Columbus for my first fitting, which we did in the handicap stall in the women's restroom there at Chase. She was pleased with how well it fit, and said something like, "See? And you were worried that I didn't take your measurements. I know what I'm doing; I've been doing this for 25 years!" I, on the other hand, wasn't quite so confident, because it was just really hard to tell how it was actually going to turn out. The skirt was long, because she hadn't yet pulled up the fabric like in the second picture above. And there was no zipper, though I suspected it was going to be a little tight. The top was unfinished, still with frayed edges from where she'd cut the fabric. It was too short, though, I thought, though she assured me it was fine. And the back of the top, which was going to be laced up, didn't quite connect. Based on all of these things, she was planning to add a little fabric to make the skirt fit a little more comfortable and add some more on the bottom of the top and at the back. When we came back from the bathroom, Derek asked excitedly what I thought, but all I could say was, "I don't know, it'll probably be fine." But again, it was just so far from finished that I didn't really know how it would look.

After that, I was doing some shopping in Columbus, waiting for Derek to get off work. I found some beads at Michael's that I thought she could use, along with the pearls she'd already been planning on adding. I couldn't find a hair comb I liked, so I thought about making one for myself, but she said she could make it for me, with a veil. I didn't really want a veil, but she was so excited about it that I said o.k. I figured I could always take the veil part off and just use the comb if I wanted to. At Michael's I also saw a satin wrap thing which I considered buying when I saw how cold it was supposed to be on our wedding weekend. But I asked her if she had extra fabric, thinking it would be really easy for her to whip up a rectangular wrap as well. With all these additions and requests, Derek and I decided we'd give her $300 instead of the $200 we were originally planning on. Still, not a bad deal.

Anyway, she kept working, and she asked me to drive back up to Columbus the week before the wedding to pick it up and try it on again. Then she said wasn't going to be finished by Monday or Tuesday when I planned to drive up there, so she agreed to meet us on Thursday on our way to the park where we were going to be married. We met in the parking lot of a gas station, and she said I didn't need to try it on again. She opened up the side of the bag to show me a few things, but it was really hard to get an idea of what was going on in there. Still, trusting her, we wrote her a check for $300 and took the dress to our cabin. On the way, I had a terrible feeling that something wasn't right. The quality of what I'd seen worried me, though again, I didn't really know what was going on with it. I started crying a bit, but made myself calm down. "Who know?" I thought. "Maybe it'll be just fine. I won't worry about it until I can get there and see it on."

Well, unfortunately, that was only the beginning of the tears that would come that night. I put the skirt on, which was still a little tight, even though she'd sewn on a triangular piece of fabric near the zipper. It was also very long, so that I couldn't even walk around the room in it without tripping all over myself. When I looked closer, I saw that she'd added a piece of fabric about a foot wide to the bottom of the skirt as well. She must have done that before pulling up the tufts around the skirt, though, because the bottom edge was very uneven, as were the pulled up pieces in places. The top was equally bad, with it's additional fabric pieces on the bottom and in the back. She'd also sewn on a ribbon with some beading around the collar that just looked very juvenile. And the straps looked like she'd thrown them on at the last minute since they didn't line up at all. AND the back was supposed to be laced up with another very cheap-looking ribbon. I couldn't even really get that part on right, and as I tried, the ribbon began fraying when the scotch tape on the ends came off. Yeah.

I took off the dress, bawling. Derek asked what was wrong, and I told him. He made me put it back on and tried, kindly, to tell me it wouldn't be that bad. But I knew better. He promised me it would be o.k., and said we'd go into Columbus the next day to find me a new dress. I called my parents to explain the situation, and they agreed to meet us at David's Bridal on their way down to the park. (Incidentally, we were supposed to be taking our formal wedding pictures that day, the day before the wedding, but because the forecast was looking quite ominous we rescheduled it for Monday morning, after the wedding. Good thing, too, since I wouldn't have had a dress to wear!)

We walked into David's Bridal shortly after they opened on Friday, October 16. Here was the conversation that took place with the lady who approached us there:

Me: I need a dress.
Her: What kind of dress? Wedding? Bridesmaid?
Me: A wedding dress.
Her: Oh, congratulations!
Me: Thanks. Um, I need it today. Can we do that?
Her: Um... Yeah. We can do that.
Me: Good. 'Cause I need it today. Is that really possible?
Her: Um... Sure. It is. We have a large selection right here in the store...
Me: And if it has a train, I would need it bustled. Today.
Her: Well, that might be a little more difficult, but we should be able to do that.

I proceeded to explain the situation, and we started looking through the dresses on the racks. We found some that looked promising, maybe 5 or 6 styles, and I started trying them on, which was actually really fun! It was just like the movies, my parents said, where I'd come out of the dressing room and stand on the pedestal and spin around and my dad would take pictures. When Derek saw the dresses at David's Bridal, he was in shock at the difference between them and the dress his co-worker had made. There really was just no comparison.

Anyway, we soon had the decision narrowed down to 2 dresses. One was a halter top style like I'd wanted, though it had a train that would have had to be bustled. That was going to cost an extra $100 or so with the rush fee and all. The other was strapless and had no train. It was simple, but felt good. It also would need no alterations, a big plus with our limited time frame. We tried both on with various wraps, and I ended up choosing the second dress with a fun little furry wrap thing, which my parents agreed to buy for me since it was going to be so cold. The dress was on sale for $250, $50 less than what we paid Derek's co-worker! The wrap thing was another $100, and I also bought a fancy hair comb for maybe $60. The whole time, though, I'm trying not to think about the money TOO much, and I'm hoping that we'd be getting at least a portion of our money back from Derek's co-worker.

The rest of the day was fun, though not as restful as we'd hoped, and we didn't get any hiking in like we'd planned. But at least we got the dress situation figured out! The wedding on Saturday was beautiful, though COLD, and we just had a lot of fun.

On Tuesday, though, Derek had to go back to work. I felt terrible for him, having to talk to this woman about what had happened with the dress. She was so excited about it, and I felt bad telling her her work was crap. But it was. When she got in to work, he briefly explained our disappointment with the quality and fit of the dress, though he told her she should ask me if she wanted more information. She never called or emailed, though, and she never said anything else to him about it, or about returning our money. We didn't want to ask immediately, hoping that she would just do the right thing. After all, there was no way should couldn't have known that the quality was terrible, right? The next day, or maybe Thursday, I asked Derek to take the dress back, to see if she wanted it, since she had been so excited about it. She said she would like it, so he gave it to her. Now, for sure, we thought she'd offer at least part of our money back, since we returned the dress to her. But still no word about that.

Wanting to leave Derek out of the situation as much as possible, since he still had to work in the next cubicle over from her, I decided to email her myself. Here is the series of emails that transpired this week:

Hi C----,

So, I guess Derek has explained to you by now about the unfortunate situation with the dress. As you can imagine, I was quite upset to find that it wasn't going to work when we got to our cabin Thursday night and I tried it on. I felt terrible, too, because I know how excited you were when you gave it to me and when we talked about it earlier. Unfortunately, the quality just wasn't what I expected, and it didn't fit me well at all. (If you'd like more specifics on either point, I'd be happy to give you more information on that.)

Still, I was very lucky to be able to find another dress on such short notice, the day before our wedding, and the ceremony turned out beautifully.

I'm sorry if this has created an uncomfortable situation for you and Derek at work, too. And that's why I wanted to ask you about getting our money back, rather than asking him to talk to you about it. I understand that he returned the dress to you, but I don't think he's heard anything from you about getting any money back. I realize you probably spent a good deal of your time working on the dress, and I'm sorry for your loss in that regard, but I also don't think we should have to pay for a dress that was unusable, especially since we had to go out and spend another $300+ the following day to replace the dress you made. Please let me know your thoughts on this as soon as possible, because I'd really like to just put this all behind us.

Thanks,
Jenn

Her response:

Do not know about the quality. Dress was made according to pattern. There was no piece that was cut short or anything the place you are talking about would have been where the dress would have been brought up. Instead you wanted 3 rows and that is what you got. For the top samething. You wanted updates and they were done to your specs including the extra material. Do not know what the problem was until brought in and. All that was said you were upset. Also there is a spot on the dress that was not there. As for money. No refund. I spent a lot of time on this and I have been upset. You have never had something made special so you would not know. It is my decision not to talk with Derek. Move on

I tried again, as politely as possible:

C-----,

Regarding the quality of the dress, I don't know what pattern you're referring to, since I didn't know if you were even working from a pattern or not. And I wasn't talking about the parts where it was brought up with the beading; I'm mostly referring to the bottom of the skirt where you added about a foot of fabric, I guess because you thought it would have been too short otherwise, though in reality that made it much too long so that I couldn't even walk without tripping over it. Also the triangle of fabric you added around the zipper, (without which it wouldn't have fit), and the extra inch or two you just sewed onto the bottom of the halter top... These "updates" weren't changes to the original design we discussed, but rather "corrections" that would have been unnecessary had you taken my measurements in the beginning, which I asked you about on several occasions, and you said was unnecessary.

I realize now that I never should have paid you without seeing and trying on the dress, especially considering that you only asked me to pay "what I thought it was worth." At any rate, since you refuse to return any of the money, could you kindly return the dress - MY dress - to Derek then?

I'm not really sure why you're upset by this, although I at least apologized to you for any inconvenience it caused. Yet you made no attempt to apologize to me. Think about how I felt, having to go out the day before my wedding to try to find a suitable dress. That caused a HUGE amount of stress on my part, on Derek's part, and on the part of my family and friends who heard about the situation. I really didn't need that, the day before my wedding, when I had plenty of other details to worry about.

Thanks,
Jenn

No reponse.

So I emailed again two days later:

Never heard back from you after my last email, so I thought I'd try again. So, when and how are you going to return the dress to me? Please respond as soon as possible. As you probably know, Derek's last day in Columbus is tomorrow, so unless you want to pay to mail it to me, it would make the most sense for you to just give it to him there.

Thank you,
Jenn

Her response:

Jenn
I am sorry to tell you this. You will not be getting the dress or money back. Derek asked me if I wanted the dress back cause you did not want. I told him sure. He brought in and put on the desk. Nothing was said. So let this be known no more emails.

Naturally, I couldn't know what she meant by "no more emails," whether she didn't want any more from me, or whether she wouldn't be replying any more via email. I considered calling her instead, but honestly, I'm scared of this woman! She might yell at me. And I can keep my cool really well in an email, but I'm not so sure how well I'd do with that over the phone. So I tried one last time:

C-----,

Yes, Derek asked if you wanted the dress back, as a courtesy to you, assuming you would do the right thing and return our money. But since you refused to return any money, I would like the dress, which I paid for, returned to me, since it is rightfully mine.

Thank you,
Jenn

But that was yesterday, and I have yet to receive a reply. What's more, today is Derek's last day at the job in Columbus, and since she didn't bring the dress today either, I guess we're out of luck.

I have this thing about justice. This woman screwed us over, big time, and was super rude to boot. So I want her to pay for her wrongdoing! I'm downright ANGRY, and I don't get angry easily. I don't like it. I was seriously considering taking her to small claims court, too, but without the dress or any pictures of it, (yes, I realize now how stupidly we acted in this whole situation,) I really don't think there's anything we can do. Which just burns me up.

I know people are not inherently good: the Bible is very clear about that. But I do tend to trust people and assume the best. In some cases, however, that can you into trouble. So there you go, that's the whole story. And the beautiful dress I ended up with, which should have been very reasonably priced, ended up costing us twice as much because of the money we lost to this woman. Still, I'm going to try to forget all of that, and just remember the fun, excitement, and beauty of our wedding day:

Auto Woes

2009-09-10T18:48:00.001-04:00

Just before I went to Jersey, I got my oil changed with a “buy one, get one free” deal. Since I drove a LOT this summer, I knew I should have gotten another oil change while I was out there, but I was trying to make it till I got back for my free one. Last week, I finally looked at the mileage and noticed that I was two or three thousand miles overdue for the oil change… Oops! So I was hoping that that was the cause of the smell I noticed a couple days ago. So I decided to just go ahead and get my oil changed here in Columbus, even though it wouldn’t be free, and see if that helped anything.

Unfortunately… after I got the oil change, I still smelled it. And then I could tell that it was coming from the rear, passenger-side wheel. But since I had an appointment with our wedding photographer, I drove on it anyway, an hour down to Chillicothe. Then I stopped at the shop when I got back into town. I took it to the Valvoline Express Care near where Derek lives, on his recommendation. I was very nervous as I waited for them to look at it, wondering why I’d brought my car to an oil change place for a brake or tire issue of some sort. But they took great care of me! They took off the rear tires and found that the passenger-side caliper was stuck. And the brake pad was basically gone. And the rotor was ruined from the heat of all the rubbing. So they got the parts and all stayed late to replace those things, for $421.66.

Unfortunately… the tire still wasn’t spinning freely as it should have once all of that was done. They checked a couple of other things and concluded that the master cylinder needed to be replaced as well. Of course, by this time, they’d already been “closed” for an hour and couldn’t get the part right then anyway. So they ordered it, and it was supposed to be delivered the next morning, this morning, at 7:30 a.m. The owner of the shop drove me back to Derek’s place (with a gun in the back of the car, by the way,) and I was planning to have Derek drop me back off here this morning on his way to work, which he did. The main brake specialist mechanic guy also agreed to come in for a few hours on his day off to put in the new master cylinder, which he now has. For another $240.19.

Unfortunately… the tire was still only spinning at about 80% of what it should. They kept scratching their heads as to why, when they found out some pin things on the new caliper were slightly longer than the old ones, which was causing the tension. Anyway, that was an easy fix.

Unfortunately… they could still hear some sort of noise coming from that tire when they test drove it. I couldn’t hear it over the constant noise of my roof rack, but they’re apparently trained to hear these sorts of things. Apparently, the noise is the bearing, because apparently the grease in there is broken down from all the heat before and now isn’t lubricating the bearing as it should. Or something like that. So apparently it needs to be replaced too. Not right away – I might have a couple weeks or months even before the wheel finally falls off – but it will need to be taken care of relatively soon. For another $250 or so.

Yep, so there ya go. Almost $1000 later, I should be good as new. Of course, I really could have used that money for wedding stuff, or to pay off some debt, or to buy a new water heater which I still haven’t done… Yeah. Ah, well. Such is life! Grrr…

Princeton Summer, Take 2

2009-08-09T17:59:00.002-04:00

O.k., guess I’m long overdue for an update, eh?

Well, I’ve been out in Princeton for five weeks now, and I’ve actually been enjoying my time here a lot more this summer! See, I already knew a few people from last year, and my living situation is much more comfortable this time around. My first week out, I jumped right back into my workout routine from last summer: swimming with the masters’ swim team at the gym on Monday, track workout with the Princeton Intervals group on Tuesday, then I met up with my triathlete friend Tara on Wednesday for a ride and swim, and we ran together on Thursday as well… Good times, and just what I needed to get ready for the three races I had over my first four weeks out here (race updates coming soon). But now that those are done, I’m feeling a little lost and aimless. Of course, this is the first weekend I haven’t had something going on, so I guess it makes sense that I’m feeling a little lonely.

In other news... Derek came out a couple weeks ago for a visit, and we had a fantastic weekend. He lived in New Jersey his first three years in the Navy, so we drove up to where he was stationed and he showed me around. We took a nice, romantic stroll along the beach and had a delicious dinner in Atlantic Highlands. We both talked about how nice New Jersey can be and we agreed that we wouldn’t mind living here.

Of course, if you’ll recall, last summer when I came out for this internship with ETS, part of my purpose was to see if I could live here, if I wanted to apply for a full-time position with them or not. And I concluded that I just couldn’t do it, couldn’t move so far away from all my friends and family for a job, even if it was a job I’d love. And yet, now, thinking about moving out here with Derek, having a few more friends and realizing just how perfect the job would be for me, I think I could do it. I think I’d like it, in fact. Too bad when I came I was told that they actually didn’t have any positions open right now, for the first time in a long time. Hmm. But then something changed and all of a sudden they did need someone, and soon. They sent out a notice to all the interns, asking for resumes. I sent mine in and was soon scheduled for a two-hour screening test. Well, I guess I passed, because I’m now supposed to have two different interviews this coming week! Derek has started applying for jobs out here, too, and we’re both praying fervently for God’s direction in all of this.

If Derek found a good job in Cincinnati, that’d be ideal: I could keep doing my online scoring thing, we could just live in my condo, we already know the area and have good friends and a good church there… But it would also be kind of nice to start our life together in a new place, to choose a place to live together, to find a church together, etc., etc. So I’m really torn; I think I could really be happy either way. Of course, if we do end up moving, I’ll be busy planning a wedding, trying to sell my place, and getting ready for a move and a new job all at once, kind of like my brother just did! So anyway, guess I’m just putting all this out there to fill you all in on what’s been going on with us this summer, and to ask for your prayers about everything. If God wants us in New Jersey, I want him to make it painfully obvious to us.

The Gaps

2009-06-30T10:33:00.008-04:00

Well, if you've been following my blog at all, (though why would you, really, since I rarely write anymore?) you may have some lingering questions about this Derek fellow. So now I'm finally making time to fill in some of the gaps. (I do want to point out, though, that what follows is also the very reason why I haven't had much time to blog lately. See? Not my fault!)

On April 5, I wrote: "I think I'm really gonna like dating. ;-)" See, that was the day after my first date with Derek. Obviously, I had a pretty good time! He drove down from Columbus and took me to Newport on the Levee for dinner, a movie, and ice cream. It was all strangely comfortable. We'd only been emailing a short time, and had had only one phone conversation before this get-together - granted, it was a 4-hour call, but still! - and yet I felt completely at ease with him. At the same time, I was hesitant to assume it was anything more than that: just a good first date. Plus, I was still just looking forward to meeting and dating a lot of different guys, to learn more about myself and what I needed and wanted in my next relationship. So, I continued emailing several other guys I'd been chatting with from e-harmony, which resulted in a painfully long and boring phone call with another would-be suitor, as well as a very awkward Starbucks meeting with a third bachelor. After those two incidents, I completely changed my mind about dating: not so much fun! I realized not only that I'm not the "date-around" type, but also that the encounter with Derek was indeed unique and special. As we continued talking on the phone, im-ing, texting, and hanging out over the next few weeks, we got to know each other more deeply and began to feel things neither of us had experienced in a long time.

O.k., fast forward to May 2 and 3, Flying Pig weekend. Derek was wonderful, so patient and encouraging as I got ready for my first marathon. On Saturday, I called him my "boyfriend" for the first time, since I had finally decided to give up the idea of dating other people. After all, why would I force myself to go out and meet other random guys when all I really wanted to do each day was talk to Derek or spend time with Derek? So Sunday after the race, we went to his friend's wedding as as officially exclusive couple.

Keep in mind, all this time, Derek is pursuing me intently. He gave me a beaded necklace made by his co-worker on our second date. He brought me flowers several times and even had flowers delivered one day. He affirmed me in all the ways I needed. He encouraged me to pursue God more and he prayed with me. He wrote me sweet notes and poured out his heart to me. He struggled at times to tell me what he was really feeling because it was so intense, and so soon, and because I was so hesitant to give in to the feelings that were starting to take over me as well. But he loved me, in word and in deed, and it wasn't long before I knew that I loved him too.

We talked about marriage early on, partly because we've both been there before and know a little better than others perhaps what we need and want and don't want. But we were also going through a sermon series on marriage in my small group, which was enlightening in several ways I'll explain more in a future post. One of the biggest lessons I learned from that, though, was that love is so much more than a warm, fuzzy feeling; it's an action, and a choice. No matter how good a match is, how good a marriage is, there will be days when each person is irritated or frustrated with the other, and when they might not even like each other very much. But if I trusted that Derek would choose to love me even then, and if I knew that he was worth choosing to love even at those times, then that's what would make ours a strong, happy, enduring union.

I could go into lots of reasons I knew I loved him, but I already blogged about all of that. But it was really when I went off to Yosemite for my brother's wedding (blog to come on that, too...)that things really started happening. I was gone almost a week, but it seemed like much longer in certain ways. For example, no day seemed complete until I talked to Derek about everything that had happened. But even that didn't really seem good enough because I wanted to share all those experiences with him, rather than trying to describe everything for him afterwards. And actually, I found that I really couldn't enjoy the beauty of my surroundings quite as much without him next to me. Yes, I concluded then that I never wanted to travel by myself again.

He was struggling a lot in my absence as well, from what I understand, and concluded something similar: he didn't want to go through this life without me either. He picked me up from the airport on Wednesday and we went ring shopping that night, he looked again and bought something at a shop in Columbus the next day, and on Friday he drove back down to propose.

It was tricky at first because everyone was really surprised that we'd gotten engaged so quickly, but things quieted down as the news spread and settled in. Still, we said we didn't want to rush into wedding planning at the expense of preparing for the marriage, so we decided not to even set a date till September. Of course, that didn't last either, and now, thanks in part to my father's power of suggestion, we're getting married on October 17! We both always liked the idea of a fall wedding, and God worked it out to where we can do it then at the place we want in Hocking Hills, even though there was originally a scheduling conflict... Anyway, that's the plan! And here's a little preview of what it'll look like:

But most of all, I'm just looking forward to beginning the rest of our life together!

:-)

2009-06-07T19:46:00.002-04:00

Why I Love Derek

2009-06-04T15:55:00.014-04:00

Derek is a strong spiritual leader. Sure, he's had his moments of doubting and running from God - who among us hasn't? - but he loves the Lord and it shows. In our relationship, he takes the initiative in prayer and studying the Word, and he encourages me to pursue God wholeheartedly and grow in my own walk with Him.
Derek sees the good in me, even the good that's not quite realized yet, and he wants to be a part of bringing it to be in me. Likewise, he allows me to draw out of him the goodness he can't always see. I love that we are both determined to encourage each other, and that we are both more confident as a result.
Derek and I share a lot of common interests and passions (e.g. God, singing, biking...), but he also cares about countless other things simply because I care about them. For example, he loves on my cat, he supports me in my athletic endeavors, and he encourages me to rediscover my artistic outlets.
Derek's primary love language is also quality time (although he is quite skilled at communicating love in multiple ways). I love that he always wants to be with me, and I never feel like I'm bothering him when I want to spend time with him. Every moment we spend together is better simply because we're together.
Derek is very in touch with his emotions. I love that he feels deeply, and that he understands and shares whatever is on his heart or mind. I tend to be pretty logical most of the time, but Derek draws out my emotional side as well. We complement each other well, I think.
Derek is an excellent communicator. I've known for awhile how important this quality is to me, but Derek surpasses every hope I ever had in this regard. In fact, I used to think I was a good communicator, but I pale in comparison! He's not afraid to bring up difficult but important issues, or even if he is afraid he discusses them anyway because he recognizes the importance of working through things immediately. And once something has been resolved, he forgets about it.
Derek is aggressive; he knows what he wants and he actively and passionately pursues it. Spiritually, emotionally, physically... he is strong. I've spent so much time trying to be strong that I love how he is able to make me feel weak too.
Derek is also extraordinarily affectionate. I warned him early on that I'm not, but perhaps that wasn't quite accurate. He brings out such a tender side of me that has been dormant far too long. I still sometimes worry about how others will react to his/our affection, but I never want him to deny that part of who he is.
Derek isn't always practical. I'm a pretty practical person, but I definitely love it when he does some impractical things. For example, he wouldn't even hesitate to drive down from Columbus even if it was to spend just a few hours with me. And he's already bought me flowers on several occasions; sure, flowers cost a lot and just die in the end, but they're so pretty in the meantime! Plus, they just show me how much he thinks of me, which I suppose is worth far more than the money he spent on them in the first place.
Derek is perhaps the most committed person I've ever met. And I love that, because I'm the same way. It's rather strange, actually, how quickly this has all happened, and yet I trust him with everything that I am and I so look forward to a lifetime of learning additional reasons and ways to love him.

Banishment

2009-05-29T10:36:00.027-04:00

In an earlier post, I wrote that my cat is stinkin’ cute and often makes me smile. Yes, Rechina has brought me so much joy over the last 11 years, and I’ve often thanked God for her, as crazy as that might sound. She’s been with me through many ups and downs and I really can’t imagine not having her in my life.

Whenever I walk through the house and see her in one of her many favorite spots, I often have to just stop and look at her for a minute with a big smile on my face. For example:

She is also quick to take advantage of new and interesting locations as they present themselves:

But really, she just likes to be wherever I am. Being a cat, she sleeps most of the day, but she does wake up and come into the office or wherever I am every few hours for a little lovin’:

Which is why I feel so guilty for having to banish her…

See, Rechina is not always the perfect little princess she appears to be in these photos. No, years ago, she started peeing places she shouldn’t. At first it was on the rug next to her litter box in the bathroom, which was easily solved by removing the rug. Then she started actually going on my bed, so I would just lock her out of the bedroom whenever I wasn’t in there. Recently, she’s decided that the dining room carpet makes a good toilet. I rented a carpet cleaner, but she could still smell the pee and picked right back up again. Racking my brain, I concluded that I couldn’t make her an outdoor cat since she’s never been outside in all her 12 long years, and I doubt I could find a new home for an old pet with such an offensive habit. Hopeless, in tears, I started to accept the fact that I might have no other option than to have her put to sleep. I knew the day would come when she would pass away, and as sad as they day would be, it pales in comparison to the pain I feel simply at the thought of having to be the one to kill her in effect. Yet, I didn’t know what else to do.

Still, I had to try everything. I took her to the vet and they first tested her urine for bacteria. There were trace amounts, though probably not enough to be causing this problem. Still, an antibiotic was the first course of action. If that didn’t make a difference, she was to be put on Prozac. Supposedly, the Prozac helps calm animals down enough so that they abandon these bad habits, and it has a 75% success rate according to the vet. During all of this, she was also to be isolated, to hopefully retrain her to go only in her litter box. And so began the chapter of Rechina’s life banished to my garage. It’s quite a lot of space, actually, and I tried to make it as comfortable as possible, though I’m sure she’s still unhappy being secluded like that. I mean, I assume that most of the time she just sleeps the day away as usual, only in the garage instead of the house, but whenever I walk past the garage door I can hear her crying loudly inside, and of course she tries to sneak out whenever I open the door to go in. I feel bad for her out there all alone, and I miss her presence in the house, but I figure it’s better than the alternative.

So, we’ll see. I rented the carpet cleaner again and also drenched the carpet and pad with a odor eliminator to hopefully get rid of the remaining smell. And when I get back from my trip to Yosemite for my brother’s wedding, I’ll start her on the kitty Prozac. This whole thing is so frustrating, and I just can’t understand WHY she’s doing it. This most recent increase in the frequency began shortly after I started dating Derek, and while she seems to like him just fine, I wonder if she’s jealous because she’s receiving less of my attention since he’s come into my life. I don’t know. In the garage, I put a blanket down for her to sleep on, the only soft place in there for her lie down, and still she peed on it. I replaced the blanket with a suitcase, but she went on that too. Why would she pee where she sleeps? I just don’t get it! I get so angry with her, and yet I still love her…

Anyway, I’ll keep you posted. But in the meantime, thanks for allowing me to vent.

Delayed Success is Even Sweeter

2009-05-18T23:08:00.002-04:00

I started training for the 2008 Flying Pig, but had to drop out after an achilles injury. After some physical therapy, I was good to go, and had a great triathlon season last summer. I also started training for the October Marine Corps Marathon in D.C., but had to give that up after some other foot issues, including plantar fasciitis. It was mostly better after a few lazy months last fall, so I began training again in January with the Fleet Feet group for the 2009 Flying Pig. My feet still gave me problems at times, but running didn't seem to make it much worse, so I kept at it. I'd be in quite a bit of pain after the longer (14+ mile) training runs, but I'd be o.k. again after a couple days. The twenty-miler hurt, but I wasn't about to give up at that point. I didn't run the Tuesday or Thursday after that because I wanted to let my body fully recover before submitting it to the rigors of backpacking the following weekend. That, however, proved even more strenuous, and I was sore for another week following our return. So two weeks after our last long run, I tried running 8 miles and just about died. It was like my body had forgotten how to run! I got a bit concerned, but everyone told me that I was ready. I made sure to get my last two weeks of shorter runs in, and did feel better by race day, but I was still nervous. I figured it would be hard, and I assumed it would hurt, but I knew all that would go away after a few days. I just wanted to get through the thing to say I'd done it and put that silly goal behind me.

The day before the marathon, 5 of us who'd been training together met up for a nice slow 2-mile jog. Someone suggested we come up with a team name for our group, and I threw out Team Cheetah, which ended up sticking. All along we'd been training by running 3 minutes and walking 1, and we figured the cheetah was a good mascot for us since they run really fast for awhile and then stop to eat their prey. Or something like that. Only we never really ran very fast, least of all me. Oh, well, it was fun, and created an even stronger bond between us I think. I know that for me, anyway, I felt so much better going into this thing having a team of friends around me who kept telling me I could do it. We met up Sunday morning with Team Cheetah signs on and set off for the starting line.

Somewhere at about mile 5, the team got separated after a water stop. Marty, Angela and I were together, but we'd lost Doug, Laura, and Dick. Just before heading into Eden Park, the three of us stopped at the portapots, and Laura and Dick passed us as we waited in line. I ran with Marty and Angela as long as I could, but finally at about mile 12 I let them go on ahead of me. I told myself, "This is your race. Run it your way." I could have pushed myself a little more, stuck with them a little longer, but I didn't want to hurt myself or make myself more miserable than I needed to be. Sure, I kind of had a goal of 5 hours in my mind, but really I just wanted to finish what I'd set out to do more than a year earlier. I felt victorious already as I thought about how far I'd come. Of course, my right heel was hurting pretty good by that point, so that I had to step only on the ball of my foot whenever I walked, but it was definitely manageable. And, perhaps miraculously, I noticed near mile 14 or 15 that it didn't hurt anymore!

No doubt about it, though, I was tired. Between miles 17 and 18, as I ran through Mariemont, I felt pretty strong, like I got my second wind, but that's all the longer that lasted. I gladly accepted half a banana from some nice supporter, even though I'd never trained with anything other than my Hammer Gel. Oh, and I also had a Twizzler. And a few orange slices a little later on. They all tasted delightful. The second half of the race is kind of a blur (and I think only partially because I waited 2 weeks to write up my race report). After that I just remember giving myself short goals, like getting to mile 21 where the Fleet Feet folks were stationed. I think I even managed a pretty good smile as I ran past Jeremy and the other amazing people out there to cheer us on that morning. My short-term goals got shorter, to where I was really only thinking about the next 3-minute run till my next walk break, but it worked: I think I can do anything for 3 minutes.

With only a mile or two left, I suddenly saw Coach Jen jogging toward me from the direction of the finish line. She had only run the half marathon that morning since she'd run her full a week or two beforehand, but she was heading back onto the course to check on the rest of her team. I think I was just super emotional at that point because I started having trouble breathing as I fought back tears. Another Fleet Feet runner met up with us at about that point, and the three of us slowly but surely made our way toward the finish line. Jen got off the course before we reached the end, and the other girl ran ahead of me. I crossed the finish line alone, and a flood of emotions swept over me: No, I don't want a blanket, just my medal please. Yes... water... thank you. Oh, hi Marty, yeah, I made it. Where's the food? Where's Derek? Oh, there, on the phone outside the fence. I'm so glad you're here. Where are my sandals? Can I please just sit for a moment? Will you take my picture? Yeah, I'm fine, just really tired and a little sore. But none of the foot pain I usually have. Wow, no blisters even. Yeah, I actually feel pretty good. But we're gonna have to take it really slow walking the mile or so back to the car...

Home. Quick shower just to rinse off. Eat some leftover pasta. Sleep, maybe 1.5 or 2 hours. Another shower. Get ready for Derek's friend's wedding. And we're off. Just let me walk slowly and I'll be o.k. Delicious, free dinner I didn't have to cook. Nice!

So, yeah. I did it. It took me 5 hours, 23 minutes, and 45 seconds, but I did it. And even though there was very little about that race that was actually fun, since it didn't hurt that bad and since I didn't finish it in 5 hours like I'd hoped, I'll probably have to try again. 'Cause I'm just kinda crazy like that.

Marathoning

2009-04-28T10:20:00.008-04:00

Well, it's just about here: race weekend. That's right, this Sunday, I'll be running my first (and last?) marathon, the Flying Pig. I've been training for it since January, and I was feeling pretty well prepared after making it through our 20-mile run a month ago. Then began the taper... Although, for me it was more than a taper really. I took some time off from running because my feet were hurting pretty bad, and because of a backpacking trip. The next run I did was an 8-miler, and it was rough. It was just sort of like my body had forgotten how to run! Now I'm worried, with only 2 more very short runs before the race. I'm sure I'll make it through, because I know sheer determination can carry me when I've got nothing left in me, but I'm expecting it to be slower and more painful than I'd originally planned. We'll see, though! (From the link above you can see the course map and other details, and even track my progress during the race if you're so inclined; my number is 3559.)

So, by now you all know that I'm pretty active: always training for something, or at least on the go from one activity to another. Which is fun! But I'm not so good at resting... And I've been thinking about this a bit lately, particularly as it pertains to my spiritual life. I love how the Bible describes the Christian walk as a race or a fight: it's not at all the passive thing we often allow it to become. BUT, I think we also have to actively pursue quiet times with our Father. It may seem a contradiction, but I know for me it's true: if I don't intentionally set aside time to quiet my mind and just be still with my God, to simply enjoy his presence or listen for his voice, I'll quickly fill my every moment doing something else instead. And even though those things are usually very good things - either good for me physically or emotionally, or even serving God - they can never replace simply being with him.

This life is not a sprint; it's a marathon. And if there's one thing I've been learning through all my training, it's that the beginning matters very little. What's more important is keeping a consistent pace and finishing strong. To be honest, I'm not even sure why I'm attempting a marathon since I don't really like running, but for some reason I got it in my mind that I should do one, and so here I am. But just as I now have this vision of crossing that finish line and receiving my medal to get me through, I know that I need a similar focus to sustain and inspire me spiritually as well. And we see a picture of that in Hebrews 12:1-3:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus... Yes. And I'm so thankful for the encouragement I've been receiving recently from an amazing new friend who challenges my priorities and steers me back on course toward the finish line that I know is really most important. :-)

Personal Reminder

2009-04-22T08:12:00.001-04:00

"For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come." -1 Tim. 4:8

Going Through the Motions

2009-04-07T10:00:00.005-04:00

Matthew West's The Motions

This might hurt, it's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care if I break,
At least I'll be feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
Instead of going through the motions?"

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
Instead of going through the motions?"

Take me all the way (take me all the way)
Take me all the way ('cause I don't wanna go through the motions)
Take me all the way (I know I'm finally feeling something real)
Take me all the way

I don't wanna go through the motions

Yep. I wrote once about regret and how I try to take every opportunity that comes my way so that I'll have nothing to regret. I have an exciting and active life, partially as a result of this I think, but I'm realizing that regret can come just as easily from not savoring quiet times as from missing certain adventures. When it's all said and done, the life I lead on this earth will only be a speck on the timeline of eternity. So how effectively am I using my time here to get ready for all that lies ahead?

I'm tired of just going through the motions. I miss the passion that once burned in my heart for God. I wonder how different my life would look if I really gave Him everything. I pray today that He would bring me back and take me all the way.

Randomness

2009-04-05T19:52:00.004-04:00

Lots of things on my mind, but not much time to write. Here are a few teasers, but I'll try to elaborate soon on some of them...

I love the sound of deep, rolling thunder, and rain on my skylight.
My cat is stinkin' cute and often makes my smile. :-)
Twenty miles is a long way to run.
I'm thinking God really knew what he was doing with establishing a Sabbath.
Music speaks to my soul in a way few things can.
Creation is another, and I can't wait to soak it in next weekend.
I think I'm really gonna like dating. ;-)
When real life gets busy and fun, I find I don't spend as much time in this virtual world I've created to give my thoughts a place to play. But I also miss the intentional reflection it affords...

I'll be back. Sooner rather than later, I hope.

Updates

2009-03-11T11:49:00.004-04:00

Work's been getting cancelled a bit lately, but it looks like I'll be getting a pretty nice tax refund soon which will help immensely when I go to pay my bills next month! I also might get to be an assistant track coach at CHCA middle school, which would be crazy fun and help out a bit financially as well. We'll see... Still waiting to hear from ETS about the pics I sent in a week or two ago. Hopefully they'll buy a good number of those and give me some positive feedback to be even more successful the next time around.

Spring appears to have sprung, though I realize the temps'll be up and down for awhile. Still, it's helped with my training (that, and not having so much work lately!). I've been out on the bike a few times recently, and even used it for my first 11.5 commuter miles in Cincinnati yesterday! Looking forward to the start of the time trial season, though the big hill on the 40K course is scaring me a bit and I really don't know what kind of time to expect. Running with the Fleet Feet gang has been awesome lately as well! The run/walkers are way cooler, or maybe I just like it better 'cause I'm not always the slowest one anymore... :-) No, but it just makes it more social and therefore more fun when you're not focused entirely on the pain. Actually, I haven't had much pain yet, for which I'm truly thankful, though the long runs are getting longer and taking their toll. We did 14 miles last Saturday, which hurt. Nothing specific, it just sapped every ounce of energy I had, and I'd even forced myself to suck down some gel along the way. Guess I still have some stuff to figure out there. And, I'm not looking forward to doing my long run this week by myself... Oh, well.

Also had to re-plan my summer race schedule when I agreed to go back to New Jersey for the internship again. Except the 70.3 in Michigan August 1, that I've still got to do since it's my A race this year. And the folks in Jersey agreed to let me take 2 days off to get out there and back, so that's awesome. You may recall that I had a rather difficult time in Princeton last summer, yet a big part of me is really looking forward to going back: seeing the friends I met last summer again, training with some skilled and fun athletes, not having to worry about work for two months, competing in a couple of the same races I did last season to see if I've improved... Plus, I definitely won't be staying with Irmgard this summer, so it's bound to be better in that regard, though I will stop by to visit with her. And this time, since I know for sure it's only temporary, I'm not quite as worried to be leaving my Cincinnati friends, even though I will definitely miss them.

Been chatting online with a few nice guys from eHarmony. Looking forward to phone calls and/or getting together soon... Also, a couple friends and I have started a challenge to get out and meet new people and date more casually over the next couple of months. It's kind of exciting to think about, but also terrifyingly uncomfortable at the same time. Could be a good time to learn and grow, though, so we'll see how that goes.

Guess that's about it for now! I'll try to keep more up-to-date with my postings in the future...

Retreat Reflections

2009-02-16T23:50:00.009-05:00

It's been awhile since I've taken a weekend away to really focus all my attention on my God. And what a beautiful God he is! I hate to admit it, but I often forget that... Still, there's something about the twinkling of a million stars or a hundred eyes to remind you that God is good.

I was reminded this weekend that truth and faith go hand in hand, and convicted to spend more time learning about and meditating on the truth of who God is and who I am in him.

I was refreshed by humble, honest, beautiful times of worship. I cannot imagine a life without the gift of music, because often times these melodies are the only way I can praise my God when words are not enough.

I was encouraged by the passion of the kids I was supposedly there to lead, and humbled because I realized just how inadequate I was to do that.

And I learned a few random things about myself, too:

I treasure independence to an unhealthy extreme. I'm afraid to need people, (even though I sometimes think I need a man to love and affirm me,) and that sometimes translates into being afraid to need God as well. I know I've put up these walls because of wounds from my past, but I also know that God will never let me down. And yet I find it hard to surrender my "strength" to the tenderness of his touch.

In the midst of pondering these things, God seemed to answer me with this song by Tenth Avenue North called By Your Side:

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Butt Dance

2009-02-15T23:56:00.002-05:00

So, I just got back from helping out at my church's youth group retreat, and let me tell you: it was awesome! I'll describe some more specifics and some things I learned soon (since I'm super tired now,) but I couldn't wait to share this video... It's Eric, drawing his Chinese name in the air with his butt. Yep, that's what I said. Why, you ask? Well, see, that was his punishment for not having his name tag at one point during the weekend. Right... O.k.... Well, anyway, just trust me: you'll love this!

Long-Awaited Arrival

2009-02-05T16:33:00.003-05:00

Well, after almost two-and-a-half months, the washer and dryer I bought on Black Friday have arrived!

And I can't wait to do my first load of laundry in them tonight, especially after that filthy bike ride last Sunday...

Realization

2009-01-26T21:37:00.004-05:00

A month or so ago, I filled out the eHarmony personality profile thing, and now they keep sending me all these matches, guys they think I'm compatible with. But of the 200+ guys they've shown me, I've only found maybe 20 that sound interesting. Even then, though, I can't really respond to any of their communication requests without paying, and I just don't have the money for that right now. Plus, I'm also really skeptical about meeting people online, (although I do have a friend who just married a guy she met on eHarmony). They did have a free communication weekend at the beginning of January, and from that I actually started emailing one guy a bit. He sounded very nice, and smart, and we seemed to have a lot in common, but then he sent me his picture... And I can't say that I'm particularly attracted to him. Maybe I'm shallow, I don't know, or maybe I'm just coming to a realization: I think I'm more attracted to Asian guys these days. I guess it makes sense since most of my friends are Asian, but I was still a little surprised to realize this about myself. Unfortunately, I'm afraid this might limit me even more: even if I were to find a single, young-ish, tall-ish, Asian guy who loved God, had some musical ability and were as active as I am, I'm doubtful that he'd want to date a white girl. Hmm. Guess this'll be another lesson in trusting God.

Everything's Funner with Friends

2009-01-22T09:00:00.007-05:00

I have to be honest: I love it when my student cancels his lesson on Wednesday nights. 'Cause that's usually when some friends are cycling, and then I can join them! On warmer days, we do the Wednesday Night Hill Ride out of Team Cycling, but when it's too cold for that, we opt for trainers in someone's living room. Well, last night we made it a ladies' night, swapping the usual BigDave for his better half. I mean, sure, I could have saved at least an hour-and-a-half if I'd have just set the thing up at home, (and then I probably wouldn't have been up until the wee hours of the morning getting songs ready for worship practice,) but it was way funner riding with friends! (And yes, I know that "funner" is not a word, but it's just funner than saying "more fun!") Here's a pic of the three of us: Mrs. BigDave, Mary Sunshine, and me. Yay!

2009 Race Schedule

2009-01-09T18:05:00.005-05:00

This is by no means set in stone, but after looking through various race websites and my own calendar, this is my tentative race schedule for 2009:

March 29 - Heart Mini Marathon (15K)
May 3 - Flying Pig Marathon (half or full, we'll see)
May 17 - Tri for Joe (?)
June 7 - State Time Trial Championship (OR Deer Creek Triathlon?)
July 5 - Caesar Creek Triathlon (olympic)
August 1 - Steelhead Ironman 70.3 (half iron)
August 23 - Breat Buckeye Challenge Triathlon (oly)
September 6 - Portage Lakes Triathlon (sprint?)
September 27 - Toyota Challenge at Deer Creek Triathlon (oly)

Other biking events:
BDBC's Cross State Record Ride (Cincinnati to Toledo) - practice March 28?, actual attempt June? July?
QCW's Cleves Time Trial Series - every Tuesday May-September
QCW's 40K Time Trial Series - second Saturday March-June
CCC's Spring Opener - April 18
CCC's BCBCBC Ride - August 22
CCC's GGRR - October 3

17 Things

2008-12-17T17:11:00.010-05:00

A friend of mine recently published a list of 17 random facts about herself on her blog, and invited others to do the same. So here are a few things you might not know about me...

I generally prefer to read non-fiction than fiction. Sometimes Christian living books, sometimes linguistics books, most recently triathlon training books.
I rarely drink hot beverages. I don't like coffee or tea, but even hot chocolate doesn't tempt me much: I tend to drink it too quickly and end up burning my tongue every time.
As nice as back and shoulder massages are, I would almost always prefer a calf massage.
I really want to adopt, maybe from China. I'd be open to having my own child as well, but I don't really feel the need to actually birth a baby myself.
I like my feet. I think they're cute.
I have scoliosis and had to wear a back brace from fourth through eighth grades. I had great posture at the time, but it only shows now when I sit to play piano.
I seem to develop crushes easily, and apparently always have to like someone. So, if you're a guy, and you're my friend, and you're single, be careful. I'm just sayin'...
I can't remember the last time I cried.
I generally always prefer veggies to meat, but I only like meat on my pizza, no veggies, except maybe tomatoes.
I've never been to Chicago, even though it's the closest big city. Guess I always choose to go to the mountains instead when I have some time (and money) to get away.
It's been at least 25 years since I've thrown up.
I seem to feel colder more often now than I did before living in Harbin, China. Crazy: I thought nothing would feel cold after the persistently sub-zero temperatures there.
Noises bother me, especially loud ones. Like lots of kids screaming, or concerts, or beeping machines that other people don't even notice...
I think I've changed exactly one diaper in my entire 30 years.
I love traditions, especially around the holidays. I'm also excited to start some traditions of my own once I have a family, like running on Thanksgiving morning.
I've never gotten into the habit of flossing every day. That's one of my New Year's resolutions.
Ironically, 17 is my favorite number. I have no idea why, but I do like that it's prime.

Wanna play? Post a list of 17 random facts on your blog or facebook page, or send me a good old-fashioned email!

Good Beginning

2008-11-23T15:00:00.003-05:00

So, ever since I started posting my crazy fortunes, I really look forward to getting my cookie after a nice Chinese lunch. And when I get a sort of normal one, I sometimes try again to see if I can find something stranger the second time around. Actually, it took me three tries this afternoon, but I ended up with this:

"Good beginning is half done."

Huh? Nice... :-)

Welcome Home!

2008-11-17T00:58:00.009-05:00

Well, I suppose it's time to post some photos of my new place, especially for those of you who aren't on facebook. I'm all settled in and it really feels like home to me. I'm glad it's such a comfortable place, too, since I spent practically my entire weekend at home, sprawled out on the couch watching movies on T.V.... Stupid immobilizing cold. Anyway, the pictures!

Mary Sunshine

2008-11-10T11:57:00.009-05:00

Let the blog war begin! :-)

Mary makes me feel comfortable.
I joined Queen City Wheels to challenge myself at the time trial every Tuesday. And I did. But I came and went each week without really talking to anyone, until I met Mary. Yup, she's the reason I started to feel like a part of the group.

Mary makes me smile.
She's just one of those people who is always pleasant to be around: she's friendly, and outgoing, and... happy. Even when she's complaining as we climb some steep hill, she's still smiling and you know that she's actually thrilled to be there. So it's hard not to be happy when you're with her!

Mary motivates me.
She is an ironman. Sure, she had to work hard to get there, as I'm sure all iron(wo)men do, but she did it! Twice! I never really had that as a goal before, but now I think I've got to try it... And she's so disciplined when it comes to training that she puts me to shame.

Mary challenges me.
She's faster than me. She's stronger than me. She may try to tell you that she's not, but the time trial doesn't lie. But, she makes me want to be faster and stronger. And I think I am already, thanks to her!

Mary encourages me.
She seems to bring out the best in people, and I think that encouragement if often the key. At least, it works for me! I definitely have more confidence because of her, and not just when it comes to biking.

Yup, I think we all need more Marys in our lives. Or maybe we all just need to be a little more Sunshine-y!

Complete

2008-11-09T01:26:00.006-05:00

Meeting people who are lost makes me realize how NOT lost I am, even though I've faced a lot of challenges the last few years. It breaks my heart to see their sadness, knowing that in Christ they could find peace...

This song by Kutless sums up my journey pretty well:

Incomplete it all began
The broken state that I was in
I wished that I was someone else
'Cause I was lost inside myself
I started seeing who I am
The day my life with you began
You clearly solved the mystery
That finding you meant finding me

God, I’ve fallen to my knees
I’m bowing at your feet
I give you all of me
In you I am complete
It’s all because of love
I’m not who I was
I’m who I meant to beI
n you I am complete

God who doesn’t need at all
I heard your voice I felt your call
It’s echoing I cannot shake you off
The stars that shine they bear your name
They sing the song that gives you praise
You’ve captured me
My heart is lifting off

God, I’ve fallen to my knees
I’m bowing at your feet
I give you all of me
In you I am complete
It’s all because of love
I’m not who I was
I’m who I meant to be
In you I am complete

I’ve got to tell the world about the things you’ve done
I want to shout it out, I'm gonna live it now
Amazing grace is why I’m singing

God, I’ve fallen to my knees
I’m bowing at your feet
I give you all of me
In you I am complete
It’s all because of love
I’m not who I was
I’m who I meant to be
In you I am complete

Pursuit

2008-10-29T18:01:00.002-04:00

I have recently come to the conclusion that one of the qualities I find most attractive in a guy is the willingness to pursue his girl.

Maybe it's just me: Maybe I'm overly insecure and need the affirmation. Maybe I don't know what I want and am easily persuaded. Maybe I'm desperate...

But I don't think so.

In fact, I have several very good girlfriends who weren't particularly interested in their now-husbands or boyfriends, but who were won over by their wooing. And I'm probably no different.

I can't say for sure, because I've rarely been pursued in my 30 years, but I'm thinking that I could easily fall for a guy who puts himself out there, who isn't afraid to make the first move, who pursues me. Guess we'll have to wait and see about that, though. That is, if I can guard my heart and be patient enough to not make up mind prematurely...

Intrigued

2008-10-26T08:53:00.001-04:00

I got to spend some time with several intriguing people yesterday. Yay! :-)

Setting Satisfactorily

2008-10-14T13:36:00.002-04:00

Another fun fortune cookie prediction:

"You will make many changes before setting satisfactorily."

Uh, what?

You WILL Do This

2008-10-08T17:42:00.005-04:00

Yup, I think I just might...

Personality Test Fun

2008-09-27T17:35:00.007-04:00

I like personality tests, and really all sorts of quizzes and questionnaires. So when I saw this one on a couple friends' blogs, of course I had to try it! I can't say I like all of their conclusions, particularly on the color grid, (explanations of the traits here), but I do think that the descriptions that follow are fairly accurate. Interesting... And if you'd like to play, too, check it out here!

Animated Director

About you:

As a DIRECTOR, you combine an unusual openness and passion for beauty and style with confidence and a down-to-earth sensibility that allow you to realize your vision.

You are practical and pay attention to the details that others tend to miss.

By focusing on what is real and concrete, you achieve more than those who always have their heads in the clouds.

When it comes to what really matters in your life, you are confident in your ability to succeed.

Having beautiful things in your life gives you pleasure and satisfaction - you have a keen eye for style.

Even when problems present themselves, deep down you know you will overcome these challenges.

When routines get too familiar, you become bored and start looking for ways to spice things up.

You are open to new types of experiences – you are not afraid to take a risk on something new.

You have a highly developed sense of taste – you know what looks good on you, in your home, and in the world at large.

Your independent streak allows you to make decisions efficiently and to trust your instincts.

You are balanced in your approach to problem-solving, not letting your emotions hold you up.

You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.

You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.

Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

How you relate to others:

You are outgoing, comfortable with others, and up for anything, which makes you ANIMATED.

Some people find crowds and parties exhausting, but not you! You are able to be yourself in many situations.

Sometimes it is hard for you to understand why others feel the way they do, but that doesn't stop you from trusting them or having faith that they are good people.

You know the world is complicated and that there is often more than one side to a story, so you are careful not to make judgments about others too hastily.

You would rather experience the world than sit back and observe it—you are not one to sit on the sidelines.

You are an independent thinker and don't get too worried about how others might perceive you—you are not self-conscious about being the active, engaged person that you are.

Although you have a keen understanding of different people's life circumstances, you occasionally have trouble seeing why people get so upset and emotional about things—they should just lighten up and have fun!

In addition to having faith in the world, you have faith in the people around you—you trust others to do the right thing and to be honest.

Speaking of Which...

2008-09-23T01:43:00.003-04:00

The whole condo-buying thing is one reason I haven't blogged recently: in addition to waiting, there is a surprising amount of paperwork and things I've had to take care of!

The other reason I haven't been online much lately is that until this (Monday) afternoon, we were without internet access, a very annoying effect of the huge windstorm last Sunday. (Which, incidentally, also left me stranded in Newark for a night...)

Anyway, it's good to be back! Though I really shouldn't complain, considering some folks were left without electricity just as long.

The Waiting Game

2008-09-23T01:10:00.007-04:00

Buying a home has taught me a lot about patience!
So far, I've had to wait...

To find just the right place.
To get just the right price for said place.
To lock in the mortgage rate at just the right time.
For the home inspection and appraisal.
For the seller to fix some stuff the inspector found.
For the underwriters to give the final o.k.

And I still have to wait for the closing.

And then to have the locks changed.
And the chimney cleaned.
And to paint?
And...

And finally, to move in.

I'm so excited about this new chapter in my life,
and I sort of want to shout, "I can't wait!"

But I know that I can. :-)

Missing My Kitty...

2008-09-10T07:58:00.005-04:00

But apparently I'll be able to bring her back to Cincinnati at the end of the month when I move into my new condo...

Interview Me

2008-08-31T22:15:00.003-04:00

O.k., so my cool friend Kim did this blog interview thing, which sounded like fun. So let's play! Here are the rules:
01. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
02. I will respond by asking you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
03. You will post the answers to the questions (and the questions themselves) on your blog or journal.
04. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
05. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions. And so on and so on and so on.

And here are my answers to the questions Kim asked me:

1. If someone wanted to make a movie of your life, what would it be about and who would play you?
Uh, it'd probably be about my life, duh. Just kidding... But more specifically? I guess it'd be a drama, with an underlying theme of overcoming adversity. And who'd play me? Well, it's a toss up between Drew Barrymore and Jennifer Garner. What do you think?

2. What do you hope your next relationship will consist of?
Lots and lots of honesty, first and foremost. And spiritual intimacy as well as all the other varieties, like it'd be nice to serve in ministry together. And there should be plenty of action and adventure; for example, backpacking, triathloning, traveling, etc. Oh, and definitely unquestionable commitment, that'd be nice. :-)

3. What instruments do you play and what does it mean to you?
Piano, trumpet, percussion instruments (of the marching band variety), guitar, and a little bass most recently. I must admit that I don't really understand the second part of your question, but I'll answer as best I can... I began taking piano lessons when I was about 5 or 6, and music has been a huge part of my life ever since. When I moved away from home for college, I taught myself guitar because I no longer had a piano, and now worshiping in song is one of the ways I feel closest to God.

4. What three top things would you want to do before you die?
Travel. (Specific places I want to visit include Italy, Peru, Egypt, Cambodia, and more of China.) Get married (again and for good) and have a family (which I would like to include adopting a baby from China). And... I can't think of a third right now, sorry.

5. If you had to visit Michigan, what would you want to do?
You mean, if I GET to visit Michigan! I don't really know, though; I just want to see you! But fun fall-y things are nice, like maybe hiking? I don't know what there is to do up there, though, so I'll leave it to your discretion. :-)

Coming Home!

2008-08-28T12:23:00.005-04:00

Well, I made it! My two months in Princeton are up, and I'm heading back to Cincinnati tomorrow. It's gone quickly, and I've had fun, but I'm also excited to come home.

What I'm Most Looking Forward To
10. Not having to get ready or dressed up for work
9. Not having to make small talk as soon as I get up or get home
8. Not having a curfew (in effect)
7. Playing guitar (and maybe piano) again
6. Being able to check my email at home rather than at the hospital
5. Cooking rather than eating out or eating frozen dinners every day
4. Getting back into yoga and racquetball and soccer
3. My sweet, soft kitty :-)
2. Sunday worship and Friday night Bible study
1. My awesome friends!

What I'm Actually Going to Miss
(So I couldn't come up with 10, but this is still not too shabby!)
6. How close everything is
5. The slightly cooler temperatures
4. Having regular work hours and pay
3. Having minimal expenses (I know: In Princeton?!? But yeah!)
2. Training with a cool running group and masters swim team
1. The new friends I've made...

Olympic Excitement

2008-08-24T14:20:00.002-04:00

O.k., I gotta admit that I've become rather addicted to the Olympics this year. I mean, sure, I've watched them before, but never with such dedication. Which has actually been quite a challenge since I don't really have a T.V. here... But it's worked out all right. Though I'm sad to see them end.

Still, there are certain "sports" which I just find amusing, too. Like fencing. And the "modern" pentathlon. What's up with that? And synchronized swimming. Beautiful, sure, but odd, no? And walking? When did that become an Olympic competition? So, what do you think are the strangest events, in either summer or winter Olympic Games?

Well, anyway, I just wanted to share this fantastic collection of Olympic photos with you all. Check 'em out if you haven't already. Makes me want to be a photographer... Oh, and enjoy the closing ceremony tonight!

Keepin' Busy

2008-08-14T21:59:00.004-04:00

Wow! Where've I been?

Well, in addition to working, I've been having a little fun here in Princeton. Meeting some people, watching some Olympics... You know.

Yeah, so I've made a good friend in my neighbor Debbie. (In fact, I'm sitting in her house right now typing this, with her sweet cat to keep me company.) And I've found a couple of really neat groups of athletes to train with. There's a cycling club out here I've been riding with once a week or so. And on one of those rides I met a girl who told me about this running group that does track workouts every Tuesday and longer runs on Thursdays. There's a coach guy that volunteers his time to help other runners since he can't run much anymore, so it's free for us to come out and be on this makeshift track team. (Which is cool, 'cause a couple months ago when I helped a friend out with his school's track meet, I remember thinking, "I wanna be on a track team!" and now I kind of am. Even if it's just for a couple of weeks... ) And finally, some of the runners I met also do this master's swim class thing at a local fitness club, which I checked out last week. And it was awesome, let me tell you what! I used to just jump in the pool and swim for an hour or so, but that's not necessarily smart training. These workouts are probably more strategic, and are really just more fun 'cause they mix things up. Plus you get to do it with friends, which is just cool.

So, yeah. I'm gonna miss Princeton...

But I'm also really looking forward to coming home. :-) See you guys soon! (Aug. 30th...)

Central New Jersey Triathlon

2008-08-01T17:06:00.007-04:00

For those of you who can't exactly picture what the transition area at these races looks like, here's a pic. But keep in mind: even though it looks crazy huge, this is really only about a quarter of the entire area!

And this is how you set up all your stuff, usually on a small towel under or next to your bike, which is propped up on those pole racks. Just FYI: You're assigned to a particular rack based on your race number, but you can put your bike anywhere along there where it fits. Obviously, it's best to be closest to the inside aisle, though, so you don't have as far to run or as many other people to maneuver through in transition. So, get there early! (Mine's the third bike there on the rack.)

And for anyone interested (or just for my own personal records later), my times at the triathlon last weekend were as follows:

My overall time was 2:55:08, which was 476th out of the 739 total competitors in the olympic distance triathlon.
I was 135th out of 265 women in the race.
In my age group, I was 22nd out of 38.

My swim (1500 yards) took 32:44, which was 379th overall.
My first transition was 3:08.
My bike (24 miles) took 1:10:16, which was 343rd overall. I averaged 19.8 mph.
My second transition was 1:54.
My run (10 km) took 1:07:08, which was 602nd overall. I averaged 10:50 min/mi.

I Was There

2008-07-28T08:30:00.007-04:00

Irmgard, the 73-year-old German lady I'm staying with in Princeton, always greets me in the morning or when I come home with ads, articles, events, etc. that she thinks I might or should be interested in. Well, the headline she showed me this morning was: "Triathlete feared drowned." Apparently, a 52-year-old local man never came out of the water after the swim leg of his race yesterday. Rescue workers searched the lake in the afternoon, but thunderstorms impeded their efforts, so they're supposed to be resuming their search this morning.

Here's the full article I saw this morning. And here's a shorter blurb, with pictures.

This just in...

And here's the follow-up article from Tuesday's paper.

The Champion of Whatever

2008-07-27T19:21:00.002-04:00

Chinese fortune cookies amuse me. I mean, besides the fact that they don't actually have fortune cookies in China, the "fortunes" often aren't really even. So I think I'll start sharing some of my favorites that I find. Today's:

"Go for the gold today! You'll be the champion of whatever."

Why?

2008-07-26T18:49:00.004-04:00

Why do I like ETS and this job so much?
Why are my mentors so cool?
Why is Princeton so pretty?
Why is everything so close and convenient here?
Why do I enjoy the diversity so much?

Why haven’t I met many Christians here?
Why is the church not as warm and welcoming as CCC?
Why don’t I get to play guitar anymore?
Why is Princeton so expensive?
Why do all my co-workers feel stuck here?
Why are my friends and family so far away?

Why did I make up my mind before I came that I wouldn’t like it?
Why did I assume I wouldn’t stay even if I were offered a job?
And yet, why did I decide to wait to sign a new lease in Cincinnati?
Why do I feel like crying whenever I think about moving here?
And yet, why do I feel like it might be a really good opportunity?
Why do I choose what I want rather than what I think I should do?
And yet, why do I assume those two things are different?

Why can’t I have it all?

So basically what I’m saying is: I’d appreciate your prayers. :-)

Small and Weak

2008-07-20T15:10:00.003-04:00

So I've been in Jersey two weeks now. I'm really enjoying the job, and I've met some nice people, but I'm still just really missing everyone back home. It's funny, 'cause I don't think I took my friends for granted while I was in Cincinnati - I knew they were great and I treasured time spent with them. But I still can't seem to fully engage with my new surroundings because my heart just isn't here. In fact, I think I'm afraid to really like it here because I don't want to leave Cincinnati for good.

But anyway, the point is... I've been trying hard to keep in touch with everyone in Cincinnati, and I so look forward to chats and emails with old friends. But I can't help but wonder why I don't treasure my God as much, why I don't look forward to time spent with him the same way I long to connect with those he's created and placed in my life. I do take him for granted, and I know it, but I still don't know what to do about it. I think the problem is that I'm small and weak. My mind can't possibly comprehend the depth of who God is or what he's actually rescued me from. He seems distant and impersonal, even though I know that he isn't. And I think that's what's most frustrating: the discrepancy between what I feel and what I know, between how I want my relationship with God to look and how it actually is.

Hmm. Guess I just wish I knew how to love and enjoy God more. Any thoughts on that one?

Stuck in the Middle

2008-07-17T21:57:00.002-04:00

At work, I'm old. Other times, not so much.

See, the other three interns in my office are 19, 20 and 21. Two of them can't (legally) drink or gamble, none of them can rent a car, they're all still in school. Sometimes it's funny, like when I'm talking about a musical I was in in high school, 15 years ago, and the other girl says, "Fifteen years ago, I was FOUR." In fact, we joke about the age difference almost every day, which is fine, but sometimes I do just feel a little out of place with them.

Then I come home, and hang out with 73-year old Irmgard. And the other guy who rents a room from her is probably in his 50's and always calls me "kiddo." Then on Monday I went up to the library for this "Noodle Talk" group thing, and it was basically me chatting it up with a bunch of 50- and 60-year-olds again. Interesting, but still, felt a little out of place.

So, yeah! Life's a little strange right now. But it's o.k.: keeps me on my toes!

Philadelphia Women's Triathlon Results

2008-07-14T17:17:00.003-04:00

So I realize that these were "only" women competing, and that it was probably the first race for many of them, and that a lot of them probably weren't there to be really competitive, but I still think I did really well! Here are my times (keep in mind these were shorter distances than the last one I did):

My overall time was 1:39:06, which was 157th out of the 723 women who completed the triathlon. In my age group, I was 23rd out of 80.

My swim (700 yards) took 14:18, which was 206th overall.
My first transition was 2:54.
My bike (17.1 miles) took 49:54, which was 46th overall. Yea! I averaged 20.4 mph.
My second transition was 2:06.
My run (5km) took 29:55, which was 380th overall. I averaged 9:39 min/mi.

So there ya go! Good times... (I meant "fun" when I first typed that, but pretty good times for the race too!)

A Different Kind of Race

2008-07-13T13:29:00.006-04:00

So, today I was in the Philadelphia Women's Triathlon. Now, I've done two of these before, but this one was different. First of all, there were almost 1000 competitors, where the other two had only two or three hundred. And there were more than 70 women in my age group today as compared to six or eight the last two times. Plus, this time the athletes were all women, which was cool. The other two races were both at a rural park, too, while this one was in the center of the city, so there were a lot more spectators today as well. But most notably, there was a huge sense of community or camaraderie this time. It all began with the pre-race meeting/pep rally event on Saturday. I met a couple of nice women there who were doing their first triathlon. I found them again on Sunday, too, so it was nice to kind of know a couple other people even though I signed up for the race alone. Anyway, after the race, most people hung out for awhile, too, and they even had an awards ceremony! All this was new to me, since the last two times, people pretty much took off as soon as they were finished. So, put all these things together, and you have a great race experience! I did well, too, though I'll post the details later, once they're online. And now I'm totally excited for my next race in two weeks, which might be even cooler since there will be 2500 triathletes there!

Out Of My Element

2008-07-12T23:29:00.006-04:00

I feel like I've become quite the adventurer of late. I mean, that I would even pack up and move ten hours away by myself is in itself a bit surprising to me, but now I'm exploring even more. Like, for instance, I'm currently sitting in the living room of one of the other interns, in Philadelphia. I drove here this morning because there is no race-day packet pick-up for the triathlon tomorrow. Which is also pretty amazing: that I even signed up for this race not knowing anyone else doing it or even anyone else in the city. But God provided this girl, and it's totally cool 'cause I didn't have to pay for a hotel room like I thought I'd have to, and I even got to do a load of laundry this evening!

Anyway, I also feel a bit out of my element because most of the people I've met out here aren't Christian, or at least don't appear to be. It's interesting, because in Cincy, most of the people whose paths I crossed were. Even a lot of the jobs I had in Cincy seemed to be places where a lot of other believers worked, but not so much here apparently. It could be a great opportunity to share with them what's most important to me, but instead I just seem to be paralyzed, realizing that I'm ill-equipped for the task. But then again, that just might be the best place to be: weak so that He can be my strength.

Anyway, I'm still curious to find out what this summer is all about, what God wants to do in me and through me during my time here... So, yeah! Good times.

Feeling More at Home

2008-07-08T21:11:00.004-04:00

You know, when I was in China, certain little connections to Cincinnati made me feel closer to home, like seeing a P&G product. Well, I got the same feeling yesterday when I was driving through the Princeton campus and spotted a very familiar-looking building. Immediately, I could tell that the Lewis Library was designed by Frank Gehry because it reminded me so much of the fluid form of the Molecular Studies building on U.C.'s east campus. Anyway, it made me smile. But I'm also just feeling better about everything because I'm getting into a routine with work, working out, checking email, etc. So, no worries. :-)

First Day at ETS

2008-07-07T21:46:00.003-04:00

Work today was great. I'm sure part of that was just getting out of the house for the day and meeting some cool new people, but also I think I'm just really going to enjoy the actual work. Which I should probably explain a bit now that I know a little more: apparently we summer interns write hundreds or even thousands of questions that get put into a pool. Then throughout the year, the full-time, on-site teams polish them up, test them, put them together, etc., etc. But it all starts with us. I'll be working on the TOEIC test (Test of English for International Communication), writing items for the speaking and writing parts specifically. There are five of us on those test sections, plus another six writing the listening and reading parts of the TOEIC. And I'm not sure how many other interns there are working on the TOEFL questions, but I'm thinking maybe another 15 or so. Anyway, we all seem to be getting along, and there's even been talk of getting a game of kickball or ultimate frisbee together, so that should fun. However, I am feeling a bit old: most of the other interns are still in school, and one of the girls on my team is only 19! So I guess happy hour is out...

All in all, though, it'll be good I'm sure. They did also mention that there will be openings we could apply for if we find that we enjoy the work, which could be really cool. But I'm still very hesitant to even consider something like that at this point since I miss everyone and everything in Cincinnati so much! Guess I'll just have to wait and see how everything goes. Ah, another lesson in patience and trust...

First Impressions of Princeton

2008-07-06T20:49:00.005-04:00

Irmgard (my new landlady/roommate):
sweet, sad, outgoing, helpful, lonely.

The house:
old, dark, a little dirty/cluttered, sufficient for the short-term.

The neighborhood:
very diverse, quiet, close to everything.

The Wagners (Lance's sister's family):
warm, welcoming... just plain awesome.

Being uncomfortable:
priceless.

Yeah, uncomfortable pretty much sums it up at this point. I know that's a good thing sometimes, though, and I'm trying to keep a positive attitude: it'll be a great chance to get some more reading and praying done without all the distractions I have in Cincy; I could use a lesson in living simply; and I think I can really be a blessing to Irmgard. But yeah, it might not be an easy summer, and I do appreciate your prayers...

Just Friends?

2008-07-04T12:29:00.003-04:00

O.K., so let me just pose this question: Can guys and girls be just friends?

I think that it's possible but rare, because more often than not one of the people will end up wishing it were more. This brings me back to my old "time theory" as well: if you spend enough time with a person, you will probably end up liking them at some point. At least that's been my experience. Which makes sense, because if you like a person enough as a friend to want to spend so much time with them, it's only logical that it could develop into deeper feelings over time. Because the qualities you appreciate in a friend are generally the same qualities you would hope for in a mate. But, then again, maybe that's just me...

So yeah, I think that perhaps perusing your friends of the opposite sex is the most logical place to look for a potential mate. But that just gets tricky then, because if you're not looking for more than a good friendship, you really have to be very careful about how much time you're spending with these people and how much you share with them... Hmm.

Anyway, those are just my thoughts. What you do you think?

Virtual Intimacy

2008-07-01T19:45:00.005-04:00

So I've got this new friend, Kim, who I've been chatting online with a bit lately. In fact, we've probably talked almost as much online as we have face to face since we've only met in person twice. Still, it's been cool getting to know her better through our online conversations, and I'm excited for her to come back to Cincinnati again so we can hang out some more.

What I find interesting about this whole scenario, though, is that it seems to be working, that we seem to be developing a real friendship through this virtual means. But why would that surprise me? Well, I think it's because I've been in similar situations where it was a lot more problematic. For example, I had one friend I talked to a lot on the phone, like for hours at a time, but then when we'd meet in person it just seemed weird, like suddenly the intimacy we'd developed on the phone was missing in person, if that makes sense. Then there was this other person I became "facebook friends" with after meeting once, and we IMed a lot over the course of several weeks. But again, when we met in person the next time, it was just awkward.

So this is one thing Kim and I were chatting about yesterday, this sort of "false intimacy" that seems to develop quite easily when getting to know someone through these modern modes of communication. She mentioned that there's sometimes a superficiality to such conversations, which I can definitely see, but my experience has more often been the opposite: I seem to be quite comfortable discussing topics online that I would never talk about in person with someone I only recently met. And I think this could get me into trouble, particularly when the person I'm chatting with is of the male variety. See, we have these really deep virtual conversations and I think that we're becoming really close, but then when we meet up in person, I realize that in reality we are acquaintances at best.

Problems have also arisen when I've tried to have a serious conversation online, even when it's with a good friend. For example, no matter how well I know a person, I think it's still much more likely for misunderstandings to occur when communicating online, because subtle messages or feelings often get lost without the aid of body language, facial expressions, or tone of voice. Apologies also seem to be particularly difficult because I never seem to know whether the issue has been resolved. Or if I bare my soul to someone online about an especially personal topic, the next time we get together I can't help but think, "Did we really have that conversation?" and the intimacy still seems to be less than what I would expect had we simply talked face to face.

Yeah. So, conclusions? Well, it seems to me that building friendships online may be fine, but it gets a lot trickier when it's a guy-girl thing. (But that gets into a whole nother discussion about whether or not guys and girls can be "just" friends...) Also, if it's a significant conversation of any sort, it's probably safest to just do it in person.

One Of Those Moments

2008-06-30T23:36:00.000-04:00

So I had a great idea for a post today (just ask Kim, she'll tell you...), but it's going to have to wait because I'm just not feeling it right now. Why not? Well, 'cause I'm sitting out here in Christy's backyard waiting for the fire we built to die down. And we're laughing a lot because we were just trying to write a song for Lydia who was stuck inside writing a paper while we were enjoying the fire and watching several loitering deer (because for some reason I told her that's what we were doing when she took a break to visit us awhile back). So anyway, Christy's hilarious songs are cracking me up, and we were just having so much fun that I was (perhaps somewhat arrogantly) thinking, "if people could see us now, they couldn't help but fall in love with us!" Now, I've had these moments before, times when I really just like me and think others should too, but they don't happen often and I'm pretty sure others would actually just think I'm really strange if they saw me. Yeah, I just don't think it works the way that I wish it did. Pity...

(Incidentally, I'll get back to the other cool post I had planned maybe tomorrow, and another will follow at some point about some of the things that make me like me, as well as some of things I don't like so much...)

Reusables?

2008-06-26T03:59:00.004-04:00

So, my parents came down to Cincinnati today to help me pack everything up so I can move out of this apartment and head off to New Jersey next week. And you know, I must say, although I don't enjoy the packing and moving, it sure is a good way to consolidate all the junk we Americans tend to accumulate when we stay in any one place too long. Well anyway, as we were going through old stuff and making decisions about what to take, what to pack, what to throw away, etc., my mom remembered that my old wedding dress is still stored away in a closet up at their house. So she asked me what I might want to do with it. She assumed that I probably wouldn't want to hang onto it now since the sentimentality is gone, and that perhaps I'd want to sell it. "Also," she said, "if you do get married again you probably won't be having another big formal wedding, right? And even if you did you wouldn't wear the same dress." Hmm, I hadn't really thought about all that. But now that I am, yeah, I suppose I'd have to agree: it'd be a little weird to wear the same dress. Still, it's a shame, because it's a really nice dress...

Anyway, that whole discussion reminded me of a similar dilemma I've been facing regarding my old ring. If I try to sell it, I'll get much less for it that it originally cost or than it's really worth, so my first thought was to take the diamond out and use it if and when I do get married again. I mean, if my future fiance had it reset, it'd be like a completely new and different ring, at least in my mind. But some friends have told me that they'd be surprised if he'd be comfortable using a diamond that was purchased by my ex. Hmm. Yeah, I can understand that. But again, it's really too bad: that could save a good bit of money...

Thoughts, anyone? About the possible weirdness of reusing these things, or perhaps other ways to make use of them?

Frustrated

2008-06-24T09:42:00.005-04:00

O.k., so I know that we all struggle with certain issues, right? Well, I've just been feeling particularly frustrated with myself lately and came back to these verses again:

I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. . . . I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. . . . So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God--through Jesus Christ our Lord! . . . Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.
Romans 7:15-8:2

It's one of my favorite and least favorite passages in the Bible: favorite because I realize that I'm not alone in my sin-struggles; least favorite because even though it ends well, I can just feel the tension as I read it, like I'm physically being pulled in two different directions. It makes me feel a little hopeless... Hmm. But if I read it more carefully, to the end, I remember that there is relief, rescue, freedom in Christ! And it's not referring to the freedom to go on sinning, but rather that through Christ we actually have the freedom to choose NOT to sin when we're confronted with it! That's some powerful stuff. I just wish I remembered to tap into that power more consistently...

Physical Stuff

2008-06-21T14:02:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I hesitate to include these, 'cause if I hope to be loved for who I am inside rather than my appearance, I would hope I could offer the same. And yet, let's be honest, these things matter to an extent. So...

He should...

Be taller than me.
Have good teeth (i.e. straight, white).
Be bigger/stronger than me. (I.e. not too skinny, though not too chunky either.)
Want to try to look nice, but not be obsessed with his appearance.
Have nice eyes and a smile that makes me melt.
Not be very hairy, particularly in the chest/back regions.
(I also tend to prefer dark hair and eyes, though that’s definitely not a hard and fast rule.)
(Strong/toned arms and shoulders are sweet.)
(Soccer-player legs, too.)

Interests, Etc.

2008-06-20T08:46:00.001-04:00

He should...

Love China. (Bonus points if he’s been there, but he should at least have the desire to visit/live/work there at some point in the future.)
Like and want kids, and be willing to consider adoption, especially internationally.
Be passionate about music, especially for worshiping. He should probably play at least one instrument, but at the very least must be able to carry a tune. (Bonus points if he can harmonize…)
Prefer activity to inactivity. E.g. He would rather hike, or bike, or climb, or run, or… than watch T.V. or go out to eat.
Enjoy being out in nature.
Like to play like a kid (e.g. jumping in leaves, playing in the snow, climbing trees).
Like to travel and enjoy photography, or at least be patient with me when I want to stop and take a lot of pictures.
Like and fit in with my family, and I with his.
Not be allergic to and at least tolerant of cats.
Be willing to watch and maybe even enjoy chick flicks and musicals, from time to time.
Not be obsessed with watching sports on T.V., playing video games, surfing online, etc.
Enjoy board/card games.
Be able or interested in learning how to dance (ballroom-type stuff).
Like massages, both giving and receiving.

Personality Stuff

2008-06-19T10:49:00.000-04:00

He should...

Value communication and recognize its importance in sustaining any type of relationship. He should be willing to discuss even negative emotions/situations, however uncomfortable that may be.
Be honest, open, and not deceptive.
Come from a similar background/upbringing as me (e.g. family values, hometown characteristics, etc.).
Be very intelligent, as well as educated.
Be patient with me in my weaknesses and willing to help me become more Christ-like.
Be encouraging. He should be excited to help me achieve goals that I have set for myself. He should be quick to praise me when I do well and be constructive and gentle with his criticism.
Be funny/silly. He should be able to make me laugh and willing to laugh at himself.
Be adventurous.
Appreciate my quirkiness.
Not be prone to skepticism/suspicion.
Be wise with money, but not to an extreme (i.e. frugal, not cheap).
Not be extremely introverted or extroverted, but rather somewhere in the middle.
Be optimistic. He should assume the best about people rather than the worst.
Be organized and enjoy planning.
Also be spontaneous at times.
Treasure traditions.
Value eating healthy and exercising.
Want to live... in a small city, somewhere with four seasons, where it snows and doesn’t get too hot, not too far from or too close to family, within driving distance to some mountains.

Spiritual Stuff

2008-06-18T14:43:00.003-04:00

He should...

Be passionate about God, actively pursuing that relationship above all else.
Be passionate about missions, whether doing or supporting or educating...
Desire/plan to be involved in some sort of ministry throughout his life.
Have the desire and ability to be the spiritual leader in our relationship/family. Being in relationship with him should spur on my spiritual growth rather than distract me from God.
Hold similar convictions as me about non-essential spiritual matters.
Have career ambitions, but should value God and family more.

A Teammate

2008-06-17T09:34:00.000-04:00

So where were we? Oh, yes...

The other day, I was having dinner with a dear friend. She told me about a conversation she had many years ago with a group of single girls: each of them chose a word that described the kind of partner they would want. One said "a clown," another wanted more of "a coworker," and my friend was hoping for "a constant companion." I thought about it for just a moment and knew what I would ask for: "a teammate." I am crazy active and I love to play, plus my love language is primarily quality time, so I want someone I can do lots of cool stuff with. Basically, I want a best friend. Of course, most importantly I want our relationship to glorify God, but I think that will happen when we are who God made us to be, individually and as a couple. So I expect that we'll have many things in common, from our backgrounds, to our personalities, to the activities we enjoy, to our passions, to our hopes and dreams for the future...

Details will follow.

Um, well... Yeah. I'm Home!

2008-06-16T02:42:00.006-04:00

So, bad news. They got the part Sunday morning and put it in, but apparently that part didn't work either. SO... We had to cancel the trip. The Super 8 shuttle bus took us in three loads back to our first bus to collect the rest of our things, then to the Greyhound station in Gary, IN. Then THAT bus was late 'cause a driver didn't show up, so we just got back to the 'Nati at about 1:30 am. But despite the fact that we never even made it to our first stop, Chicago, we still made some new friends and had a lot of fun! I'll post pictures soon...

This Just In...

2008-06-15T00:24:00.001-04:00

So let's take a brief detour as I fill you in on what is turning out to be more of an adventure than we bargained for...

We took off from Cincinnati Friday night at maybe 10:00 pm, more than an hour late. We stopped about midnight to get ready for bed in Walmart's restrooms, while the drivers converted the bus seats into beds. (Which was pretty cool, by the way, as the bus was transformed into what looked an awful lot a hard sleeper train in China.) We stopped at about 4:30 am a little outside Chicago to fuel up, but continued sleeping there till about 6:30. It was then that we discovered a river of coolant (if that's what that bright green fluid is) flowing slowly away from the bus. After a few calls and a visit from a mechanic, we learned that the broken part could not be repaired and a new one could not be found in all of Chicago. So we spent the whole day stranded at the rest stop, feeling a lot like Tom Hanks in The Terminal. After a whole lot of waiting, and complaining, and debating, everyone finally agreed on a new plan: one of the drivers would fly to Boston to pick up the new part, fly back, and fix the bus in the morning. We would stay at a hotel. We would continue on the trip as planned, just one day late. We would skip the day in Las Vegas and swing by the north rim instead of the south rim of the Grand Canyon to make up for the lost time.

So there ya go. If you don't hear from me again about this, our adventure has continued! But hopefully it's the type of adventure we signed up for rather this other sort. Still, I'm having fun, getting to know a lot of cool new friends, and learning a lot about being flexible. It's interesting: when you have no plans or expectations, it's a lot easier to not get disappointed or frustrated about setbacks like this!

The List

2008-06-14T08:17:00.002-04:00

So, while I'm on my Out West trip, I won't be posting much. But I don't want to leave you all with nothing to read, so... Look for my List, in installments, over the next week. You know, the List. Of qualities I'd ideally like to find in a future mate. C'mon, you know you have/had one too... I actually had a list many years ago, in college, but didn't have much need for it there for awhile. More recently, however, I've created a new list, which, incidentally, I believe is much more complete this time around. That is largely due to the fact that my past experience has shed a lot of light on the things that are important to me. At any rate, it should be an interesting read and may give you some insight into what makes me tick as well. But also, if you happen to know of anyone who seems to fit the bill, please let me know!

Wild, Wild West

2008-06-13T10:51:00.002-04:00

This evening I'll be leaving for a ten-day trip out west with about 30 international students and scholars from UC and OSU. It'll be a tiring whirlwind of a tour, but I'm so excited because I've never been to any of the places we'll be visiting: Chicago, Mt. Rushmore, Yellowstone, Grand Tetons, Jackson Hole, Las Vegas, Grand Canyon, Great Sand Dunes, and St. Louis. Even if we don't have a lot of time in any one place, I'll at least get some amazing photos and a feel for where I'd like to spend more time in the future. Plus, it'll be a great chance to get to know some new friends!

It's All In the Name

2008-06-12T22:14:00.004-04:00

I found this little news story interesting, so perhaps you will as well...

Chinese babies named 'Olympic Games'
(June 11, 2008, BBC News)
More than 4,000 children in China have been given the name Aoyun, meaning Olympic Games, in the past 15 years. The rise in popularity of the name is seen as a sign of support for the Games being staged in August in Beijing. Officials in charge of identity cards say that more than 92% of the 4,104 registered Aoyuns are boys. It is not uncommon for Chinese children to be given names of common events and popular slogans - such as Defend China, Build the Nation and Space Travel. There are 290,798 registered Civilisations. The first surge in Aoyuns came in 1992, when China applied to host to the 2000 Games. About 680 Aoyuns were registered at the time. In 2002 another 553 Aoyuns were named, after China was chosen to host the 2008 Games. The BBC's Chinese service says that in recent weeks babies have also been given names such as Hope for Sichuan, to show solidarity with earthquake victims.

Designed For What?

2008-06-11T22:40:00.007-04:00

One of my teammates the first summer I went to China asked us a simple question that has stuck with me ever since: Have you ever felt like you were doing exactly what God designed you to do? At the time, I answered, "Yes, right now," and that's why I went back. There were some challenges and struggles living in China, to be sure, yet if circumstances had been different, I'd probably still be there. In fact, I pretty much think about it daily. So why don't I go? Well, mostly it's a financial thing. Not so much about support-raising, but about the sad state of my IRA. There are other fears that deter me, too: traveling alone, never meeting anyone I might want to date/marry, gaining weight again... Still, I can't shake this feeling that I'm supposed to be there. Is that a God thing, a "calling" perhaps? I wish I knew...

The Results Are In!

2008-06-10T01:11:00.005-04:00

My overall time was 3:08:41, so I didn't quite make my 3:00:00 goal, but I wasn't too far off! And apparently I was actually 3rd out of 6 women in my age group, and 125th out of 158 people total in the Oympic distance triathlon. Just for comparison, last time I was 7th out of 7 in my division and 92nd out of 98 total. So... better!

My swim (1500m) took 32:21, which was 130th overall.
My first transition was 2:30.
My bike (40km) took 1:20:32, which was 119th overall. My average speed was 18.5 mph.
My second transition was 2:16.
My run (10km) took 1:11:02, which was 124th overall. I averaged 11:27 min./mi.

I'm satisfied with my swim. Last time, the swim was my best part: I was 52nd/98 while I was in the 90s for my bike and run. This time, the swim was the worst part. Weird. But since the only real difference was the wetsuit, I guess I learned that it helps immensely. O.k., well, good to know!

I'm very pleased with my bike. My goal for that part was 1:20, so, right on target. I also averaged 2.7 mph faster than last time. Not bad! Guess my time trials and training paid off.

I'm disappointed with my run. Granted, I was still two minutes faster than last year, even in the heat, but I was hoping to finish that leg in one hour. Still, I realize that the heat was a major determining factor in my run pace, and I'm o.k. with that. I did what I could; what more could I ask for? Plus, now I still have room for improvement for the next time!

So, there ya go!

Deer Creek Triathlon

2008-06-09T11:38:00.004-04:00

O.k., here's the story of my race. Warning: it's long. Only embark upon this journey if you're really interested in all the details...

I got up at 4:00 a.m. so that I could shower and pack everything up to meet my friends Honeylyn and Loy at 5:30. From there, we had about an hour-and-a-half drive to the race at Deer Creek State Park. Along the way, we passed many other cars with bikes attached, and at that obscene hour it was fairly safe to assume that they were also headed to the race. Already the sense of camaraderie began…

As we were sampling several free muffins from my first trip to Mimi’s Café for dinner the night before, we suddenly noticed a car with a bike heading the opposite direction. "Hey, he's going the wrong way," I thought. Momentarily confused, we then noticed mile marker 87, though we were supposed to have gotten off at Exit 84. Oops! I guess WE were the ones going the wrong way... So we found a turn-around and were soon back on track. Glitch number one of the day, but not a major problem.

We arrived at the park about 7:00, just as we’d planned. However, we soon discovered that the line to pick up race packets was very long and moving at a snail’s pace! We utilized the time in line, however, to take turns using the restrooms and to check the temperature of the lake water. I decided not to wear my wetsuit since I was already sweating just standing out there and since the water felt comfortably cool at 72 degrees. By 7:30, the line was longer than when we’d arrived and we realized that there was no way the race was going to start on time. Comforting on the one hand, because we’d have more time to get everything ready, but that also meant we’d be finishing later when it was even hotter… Glitch number two, but what could we do?

After we got our packets and timing chips, we went back to the car to collect our things. But, as I was pumping up my tires, I encountered my third glitch of the morning: a busted tube. (Funny, all week long I’d been saying that I hoped I didn’t get my first flat ever during the race; I figured I was about due, though, since I had put almost 1000 miles on the tires since I got the bike in August.) Fortunately, I had a spare tube, so Loy helped me change it. But… the tire itself was really stretched out apparently, because it kept coming off the rim as we pumped it up. So I had to go to the guys at the Wheelie Fun tent to get a new tire. Still, lucky all this happened before the race!

So then I ran over to the transition area to set up. There was no more room on my assigned rack, so I shifted a couple bikes a little to make room on the next rack over and hurriedly laid out all my gear. Meanwhile, everyone else had already gathered down at the lake for the start of the race. "This is the worst feeling ever!" I thought, to be so rushed. After one last pit stop I ran down to the lake to join my competitors. Fortunately, the sprint distance racers were starting first, in waves, so I really did have plenty of time. While I put on my cap and goggles, I met a few women from Columbus who were doing their first triathlon that day. But, since they weren’t in my age group, we could all be friends. :-)

Finally, it was time for the Olympic-distance women to begin. We lined up at the water’s edge and waited for the horn to blow. (That was a little different: last September we started out in the water, but this time we were still on shore to begin. The water last fall was also very low, so there was a nice beach, and really you could probably have stood up at any point if you needed to. This time, however, after all the rain we’d had in the preceding weeks, there was no beach, and as we ran through the mud into the lake, we could still feel the grass beneath our feet well out into the water. Weird…) As I began swimming, I felt so refreshed in the cool water, even though I was still getting kicked and grabbed. When I looked up a little later, I remember thinking that that first yellow buoy was still really far away! “And I have to do TWO laps?!? What was I thinking?” I thought to myself. People seemed to be passing me a lot more than last year, too, and I thought for a moment that perhaps I should have worn my wetsuit after all… But as I rounded the first corner, I had more room and got into a better rhythm of breathing, and just started to enjoy the swim. As I completed the first lap, I was shouting “Halfway!” to myself in my head. I finished the second lap with no problems and actually ran up the hill to the transition area (unlike last year), feeling pretty good about my start, though I had no idea how long the swim actually took.

My transition was much quicker, too, I could tell, in part because I didn’t have a wetsuit to shed, but also because this all felt somewhat familiar and therefore more comfortable than last time. So after I put on my socks, shoes, gloves, watch, and helmet, and grabbed my bottle of Hammer Gel, I slid my bike off the rack and ran out of transition. I mounted, clipped in, and was off! After pedaling hard for two miles, I was surprised to look down and see I’d only gone two miles! And I kept looking for that first turn to get out of the headwind… But I was passing a few people, so I felt pretty good about my speed, and the wind felt terrific! I actually wasn’t even hot at all. After the first turn finally came, I wondered why I’d looked forward to that since the second road was much rougher. Oh, yeah, I remembered that. Too bad I wasn’t riding a Roubaix like Loy! O.k., time for some gel. Mmm, raspberry… Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate! Excellent. A couple more turns on the flat country roads, and then I came to the first of two small hills (which felt a lot bigger than they really were after racing along for ten miles!). I cruised downhill at 35 mph, and pushed up the other side, standing briefly. Then it flattened out and I quickly caught my breath before coming to the last little hill, just before completing the first lap. I looked up along the levee to see if I could happen to see Honeylyn and Loy on their run, but no such luck. “Halfway!” I again shouted in my mind as I came to the park entrance. The volunteer standing there said, “Sprint to the right, Olympic straight ahead.” I asked her to confirm, since last year we had to ride into the park, past transition, and back out again before beginning the second lap, but she said, “Yes, straight ahead,” so I kept right on riding! I checked my computer at that point and saw that I’d averaged 18.9 mph on the first lap. Awesome! And time-wise I was right on track to meet my three-hour goal as well. Second lap, same as the first. A few more swigs of gel and some water to wash it down just before finishing up the bike leg. Good stuff.

Back in transition, I racked my bike, tore off my helmet and gloves, changed shoes, threw on my hat, sunglasses, race number belt and nutrition belt, and was off! Suddenly, I felt the heat. I was tired. Immediately. I wanted to walk. Already. But I jogged along, hoping that I would pick up my pace as I continued, like I had in my training runs. Mile 1. Wow, it’s hot! Oh, man, and why’d we pick this course? I hate this stupid, grassy levee! O.k., onto the dam, much better. Water? Yes, please! I have my own, but only two 8-oz. bottles. I have a feeling I'm going to need more than that today… Mile 2. Keep going. What, NO shade? Not even a single, solitary tree? Wow… so… hot… Left turn down toward the boat ramp. Um, yeah, I’m definitely not maintaining the 10 min/mi. pace I need to finish in time. But I’m doing everything I can... Seriously, could it BE any hotter today?!? There’s the turnaround! “Halfway!” I need to walk. O.k., that’s enough. Go! (Then I started singing to myself.) “Just keep runnin’, just keep runnin’, just keep runnin’, runnin’, runnin’…” (Like the Finding Nemo “Just keep swimmin’” song.) Mile 4. Two… more… miles… So hot… Hmm, how should I narrate this race for my blog? Narrative? Thought processes? Will I write about thinking about what to write about? Will I write that? And that? O.k., enough. “Just keep runnin’, just keep runnin’, just keep…” Mile 5. Wow, I’m slow today. And I was so sure I’d shave the most time off my run… So hot… But look: there are still people just starting their run, so maybe I’m not doing SO bad… Or maybe everyone’s just really slow ‘cause it’s stupid hot out here... WHY are we doing this again? Oh, that’s right, it’s not supposed to be easy or everyone would do it. The dam, yea! The grassy levee... stupid levee… But that means I’m almost done! “Just keep runnin’, just keep runnin’…” Back into the park. Mile 6! Past the photographer guy. Past an ambulance and several people holding up a towel or something to create some shade for some poor, dehydrated, overheated runner. "God, be with that person. God... That's all I've got, just be with them..." I can hear the announcer at the finish line! I can SEE the finish line! Right then, that’s when I was finally able to pick up my pace to more than a slow jog. I sort of sprinted to the finish line, and there were Honeylyn and Loy cheering me on! Awesome, I made it!

A guy took off my timing chip. A lady told me I was second in my division. Seriously? I almost laughed. Oh, but then again, there might only be 2 ladies in my age group… Still, they put a medal around my neck. Honeylyn and Loy congratulated me. Someone else gave me water. Then I stood there and filled up my cup two more times. So thirsty… So hot… Honeylyn and Loy took my hat, sunglasses, belts, medal, etc. and I went back down to the lake for another quick dip to cool off. Back up the hill. Collect all my gear. Do I have to eat? ‘Cause I’m not really hungry, just thirsty. Nope, let’s just get going. Ah, air conditioning…

On the way home, we all talked about the race. Honeylyn and Loy did NOT care for the swim. They waited for each other at the transitions, though, and ran together. How sweet! Then we talked about the next one. Are we really gluttons for punishment? Perhaps. But it was so much fun! Except that stupid-hot run… (It’s kind of like when I used to go backpacking a lot: we’d get rained on, our feet would hurt from hiking, our backs would be sore from sleeping on the ground, we’d be dirty, and tired and, let’s be honest, a little grumpy. But as soon as we got back to the car, or maybe back home and showered up, all I could think was, “When can we go back?!?” It’s the same thing.) We also talked about trying a relay in the September Toyota Challenge tri. I’d swim, Loy would bike, and Honeylyn would run. Maybe we’d do the half-ironman distance, too, then, since we’d each only be doing one leg. Awesome…

I also called my apartment community office on the way home, to remind them not to give away the last room at the inn. It was mine! Since my air conditioner still wasn’t working, I told them they’d better give me a room there because the 90-degree apartment just wasn’t cutting it for me. After all, I had to get a few hours of sleep in before my two soccer games that night! Yeah, o.k., I guess I’m a little crazy…

(Just for the record, I wasn’t planning to play much at the games, but just to sub briefly if others were really tired. But when I arrived… One, two, three, I counted. Three? “No way!” I said, shaking my head. "I am NOT going to run around for two more hours!" We had to borrow players from other teams, and I ended up playing most of the first game. But I also got to score! Granted, the ball bounced off my leg into the goal, but still! Right time, right place. It was sweet. I played a good portion of the second game, too, but I was pretty much useless by then. Not to mention the fact that I messed up my toe somehow. I’m just really glad that that happened AFTER my race because I don’t think I’ll be running until the swelling and bruising go down!)

Second Place?

2008-06-08T14:10:00.003-04:00

So I just got back from my first triathlon of the year. I've only done one before, last September, and was pleased to just finish then, but this time I actually set a time goal for myself: three hours. That would be 13 minutes faster than my last race, though the swim this time was longer, so I was actually hoping to shave about 25 minutes off my previous time. Well, I don't think I quite made it; I didn't hear my time when I crossed the finish line, but my friends thought they said 3:04 or so. Not bad. But the surprising thing, and the thing that makes me not care SO much about the time (besides the fact that it was just stupid hot today), is that they said I was second place in my division! Granted, there may have only been two or three women in my age group, but I still got a medal!

Anyway, I'll post more later about the crazy events of the day, and once I know my overall time and splits and rankings and things, but for now I'm going to take a nice long nap in my room at the inn (since my AC still doesn't work) so that I can be ready for our two soccer games tonight!

Race Day Checklist

2008-06-07T22:51:00.006-04:00

General
__ directions/map to race
__ course/transition map
__ photo ID
__ USAT membership card
__ money
__ sunscreen
__ sunglasses
__ towel for transition
__ camera
__ post-race clothes and shoes
__ pre- and post-race nutrition

Swim
__ tri shorts
__ tri top
__ wetsuit
__ Pam
__ swim cap(s)
__ goggles

Bike
__ bike
__ helmet
__ bike shoes
__ socks
__ Body Glide
__ gloves
__ watch/heart rate monitor
__ pump(s)
__ spare tube(s)
__ tools
__ water bottle(s)
__ gel and/or other nutrition

Run
__ running shoes
__ hat
__ race number belt
__ nutrition belt

Grumpy

2008-06-06T23:21:00.001-04:00

So I kinda feel like I'm in China again today, because I've got clothes lying out all over my apartment to dry. Only in China that was common and expected because they don't really have dryers, but here I'm just peeved because I wasted $2.50. (That's 2 dryers; the first one wouldn't even start after I put the quarters in.) I've had this happen before and it wasn't really a big deal, but this time I was already in a bad mood because my AC hasn't been fixed yet even though I called about it a week ago, and it's in the 90s. In fact, we're supposed to approach or maybe even break some records this weekend, which is terrible timing since I have my first triathlon of the year on Sunday. You know, it's a lot harder to run and bike in 95-degree weather than in 80-degree weather, which I discovered today. So my plan is to go into the office of my apartment complex tomorrow and demand they fix the AC or else give me a room in the inn on the premises, or just give me back my rent money for the month. 'Cause this is ridiculous.

O.k., enough complaining... But boy, I sure am missing my Harbin winters right about now!

Pronoun Problems

2008-06-05T22:25:00.000-04:00

Perhaps you've noticed a problem with my pronoun usage, specifically that I appear to use singular and plural first person pronouns interchangeably. You'd be correct. See, I still get confused about which to use when referring to the time in the past when I was part of a "we" unit, most notably when I'm talking about my China days. See, I wasn't in China, we were. But now there is no "we," so what's a girl to do? Anyway, I apologize for the confusion, but I still haven't figured out how to resolve this one... Oh yeah, and I also tend to just refer to him as "him," without a proper antecedent. Sorry, grammarians! But I promise it'll be o.k. :-)

Television (Warning: Random Thoughts...)

2008-06-04T22:02:00.005-04:00

So I've been feeling like I'm back in China recently.

Let me explain: See, we couldn't watch T.V. in China, or rather we could, but we just couldn't understand anything so we didn't bother. Instead, we watched a lot of Friends, CSI and Alias on DVD. Can't tell you how many times I've see each episode of Friends... Anyway, a couple months ago I fasted from T.V. for a month, which was fine, easy even. So much so that I'm not even sure when the fast ended because I never really started to watch it again. So then I figured, why pay for even the cheap-o $10 cable when I'm not using it? So I cancelled my service. Now, I get nothing. Not even your basic, local channels... nothing. You'd think that'd be great, that I'd get so much more done because I don't have that distraction anymore. And yet, it seems I'm more distracted now because of the vastness of this beast we call the internet. Before, I'd go to bed at about 11:30 because there was nothing else good on, (since I only had your basic, local channels,) but now I'm usually online till midnight, or 1:00, or 2:00... It's bad. And yet, not even as relaxing as just sitting back to watch a show on T.V.

So then last night, I got back from a really good workout, exhausted, and I really just wanted to watch an hour of T.V. before hitting the sack. But alas, I couldn't. Then I remembered that you can now watch T.V. online! Excited at the possibility, I opened up my web browser and started looking around for an episode of CSI. But I guess I'm not very tech-savvy, 'cause I couldn't for the life of me figure out how to go about finding a show to watch. Sure, I googled something like "watch TV online free" and found lots of websites offering something - news or sports channels, short clips from shows, etc. - but not what I was looking for. The only place I actually found where I could maybe watch an episode, tv-video.net, wouldn't actually play it. Don't know what's up with that...

Anyway, all this to say that I almost broke out the Friends DVDs again. I put in a movie instead, (which I promptly fell asleep in front of,) but I'm not sure how much longer I can hold out...

Not Without Risks

2008-06-03T21:03:00.007-04:00

I got an email today through the Cincinnati Cycle Club ride line about a biking accident that happened recently in Mexico. Apparently, a drunk driver fell asleep at the wheel and ran into a line of racers. One cyclist died and ten more were injured.

We try to be smart when riding on roads - wearing bright clothes, obeying traffic laws, etc. - but there are still risks involved. Sobering...

Changes

2008-06-02T13:59:00.005-04:00

Now, I'm pretty sure that my psychologist friends will disagree, but I think personalities can change quite dramatically over time or as the result of significant events or changes in a person's life. I say this because I think it's happened to me at several points.

When I first took the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (or some free knock-off available online) during my freshman year in college, I was an ENFP, which seemed accurate. But I changed quite a bit that year, and when I took the test again a few years later, I was an ISTJ, exactly the opposite. Again, it seemed accurate, though. Why the change? Well, I'll just look at one example:

When I was part of a "we," I was much more introverted, preferring to keep close to home and not interested in meeting new people. I'm sure part of that was because I was simply content spending most of my time with him, but I also think it had a lot to do with the fact that he was an extreme introvert, which I believe "rubbed off" on me a bit.

Even now that I'm just me again, I've continued to say things like, "I don't like big groups," or "I'm not good at meeting new people." But I'm realizing that that is no longer true. I love meeting new people! In fact, I've recently been getting to know quite a few cool new folks from Kenwood Baptist through my awesome friend Christy, and from Four Corners through playing soccer with Lance and those guys, and most recently friends of a friend (Grace) of a friend (Kristen)... (And, incidentally, when I took the Myers-Briggs again just now, it says I'm an E again, though the rest is the same. Hmm...)

Anyway, I'm so grateful to have all of you as friends! Thanks for being part of my adventure. :-)

Positron Omega!

2008-06-01T13:46:00.005-04:00

This is my favorite new game. Why? Several reasons: it requires few materials, so you can play it anywhere; it's different every time you play, so it never gets old; it utilizes different skills, so there's something for everyone; and it's just plain fun! But I'm warning you: it's addictive! (Fortunately, you need at least six people I'd say, so you can't get too carried away...) Anyway, check out the rules below, give it a try, and let me know what you think! If you like it, feel free to join our Facebook group, "Fans of Positron Omega."

A. PREPARATION
Each player is given 3-4 pieces of paper (depending on how long they want the game to last). Players must then write down one noun (proper or improper person, place, or thing) on each paper then place it in a box/hat. Next, players are divided into 2-3 equal teams and each team moves to sit together.

B. GAMEPLAY
The game is divided into four rounds. In each round, teams alternate one-minute turns until all of the papers in the box/hat have been guessed. During each one-minute turn, players pick papers out of the box/hat and try to get teammates to guess the word according to the rules for that round. When a word is guessed correctly, the paper is placed in the team's pile and the box is passed to the next player on the team. The box/hat rotates through the team continuously until the minute is up. Unguessed papers are placed back in the box/hat and it is then passed to the next team for their one-minute turn. Turns in each round alternate between teams until all of the papers in the box/hat are gone.

C. ROUNDS

Taboo - Players must get their teammates to guess the word through a verbal description. Gestures, spelling, sounds-like, or any form/variation of the word may not be used in this round.
One Word- Players must get their teammates to guess the word through a single one-word clue. The first word that the player says after unfolding the paper is the chosen word ... so if the player says "um" or "well" first, that is the chosen word. The chosen word may be repeated indefinitely with different voices and intonations, but gestures may not be used in this round.
Pictionary - Players must get their teammates to guess the word by drawing clues. Gestures, sounds, letters, numbers, and symbols may not be used in this round.
Charades- Players must get their teammates to guess the word by acting out silent clues. Words, sounds, or drawings may not be used in this round ... but cameras are encouraged.

D. SCORING
At the end of each round, the papers in each team's pile are counted and the score for each team is recorded. The papers are then put back into the hat/box for the next round. The team with the most points at the conclusion of the fourth round is the winning team. A predetermined penalty (e.g. pushups, charlie horses) may then be given to the losing team.

If teams are tied at the end of the fourth round, a fifth tie-breaker round may be utilized to determine the winning team. This round, called Telepathy, requires that players guess the words on the papers without clues of any kind, basically shouting out the words they remember from previous rounds until the correct one is identified. Crazy, to be sure, but hilarious!

T -1yr and Counting

2008-05-31T16:52:00.012-04:00

So, my brother (Jeremy) is getting married exactly 1 year from yesterday. He called last night to ask me to be in the wedding - how exciting! It will be my honor to stand with him and Jean as they embark on this adventure together. And how cool that the wedding will be in Yosemite N.P.! Beautiful, simply beautiful (or so it appears from the photos I've seen). Check out their website for more info if you're interested...

That Which Costs Me Nothing

2008-05-30T17:39:00.007-04:00

I must confess that I've been rather distracted recently. Maybe it's my new, fun, single friends; maybe it's the longer, warmer summer days; maybe it's the fact that my accountability partner was MIA for awhile... But for whatever reason, my God-time has definitely been lacking of late. So, in an attempt to get back on track, I pulled out an old book this week, a classic I read in college called Lady in Waiting. The first chapter, Lady of Reckless Abandonment, talks about finding fulfillment in God alone and using your time of singleness to really develop that relationship. Good stuff.

But the one thing that really stood out to me was a particular verse, 2 Samuel 24:24. Before this, David is told to build an altar to the Lord on Araunah's threshing floor. When he tries to buy the threshing floor, however, Araunah offers to simply give it to him instead, along with oxen for the burnt offering, tools, etc. "But the king [David] replied to Araunah, 'No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing.' So David bought the threshing floor and the oxen..." This passage reminds me of the story of the poor widow giving everything she had in the temple (Luke 21:1-4). Jesus praised her, saying, "this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on."

Convicting. Not so much about money, but about time. When I offer up to Jesus the last few minutes of my day, when there's nothing to watch on T.V. and no more websites to distract myself with, when I'm already half asleep... that costs me nothing. And it's worth nothing. If He is my top priority, as I say that He is, it's high time I start making decisions that reflect that.

People or Places

2008-05-29T11:34:00.013-04:00

I've always enjoyed photography, but recently I've noticed that my preferred subject matter has changed. I used to take primarily landscape photos, waiting patiently until people moved out of the frame so I could capture the natural beauty of a scenic place. When I showed my pictures to students and friends in China, however, they would invariably complain about the fact that I wasn't in any of the photos. My logic? I already know what I look like, so why do I need photos of me? (That, and I was usually the one taking the pictures.) When I looked through their photos, I thought it was a little strange that they had to pose in the foreground of every shot.

But lately, I've realized that all my landscape photos sort of look alike, especially when I travel to the same places over and over. I mean, how many pictures of mountains and trees and streams in the Smokies do I need? The people, though, make each trip different and special, and those are the photos I'm probably going to look back through with warm memories. (Although I do still need to get better about taking pictures of more everyday activities rather than only when I'm on some special trip.) Anyway, just thought I'd take this opportunity to share with you a few pictures of some of the cool people I've had the pleasure of adventuring with over the last year... Enjoy!

Stupid Materialism

2008-05-28T13:10:00.007-04:00

Every year in early November, my mom starts asking for Christmas ideas. My brother struggles to think of anything he needs or wants, which is sometimes frustrating when trying to buy for him, but I never have any problem coming up with a long list of things I'd like to have. That's even more frustrating, though, because I never seem to be satisfied. And I hate it. I know that possessions are worthless, so why do I always seem to want more? Why do I envy friends with nicer homes, or furniture, or gadgets, or... whatever?

Compared to the general population, I'm quite good with my money: I've never NOT paid a credit card bill in its entirety, for example, and I do acually have a retirement account which is growing, if ever so slowly. But that's not really a good measure since the general population is just foolish when it comes to finances. I want to be a better saver, I want to be able to give more to the Great Commission... I want to not want more all the time.

Then along comes this silly Economic Stimulus check. What's up with that? I admit that I don't really understand the logic behind this plan, but maybe that's because I'm not planning to go buy a new HDTV just because the government throws a few hundred dollars my way. My IRA could use that money; my car insurance is due pretty soon; I have a bit of tithing to catch up on... Oh, I'll definitely use the money, don't get me wrong, but probably not in the way the powers-that-be are hoping. Sorry! (O.k., not really.) Still, I do have to admit that every now and then a pesky little thought emerges from the back of my mind: "Ooh, free money!" it says. "Think of all the cool stuff you could buy with that: clothes, a new cell phone, aerobars for your bike..." Stupid materialism.

Just One of the Guys

2008-05-25T23:58:00.006-04:00

O.k., time for me to bare my soul.

When I first went to China in the summer of 2000 to teach at an English camp for middle-schoolers, one of their assignments at the end of our six weeks together was to write an essay about their American teacher. Here are a few excerpts from my students' essays:

"Jenn is tall and strong. She can remove a big desk and turn it over by herself. I'm sure if you see this you will be so surprised." Louisa
"She is a active person. Sometimes she likes a girl. The smile always on her face. She also make us very happy. We studies with her feel happily. But sometimes I think she likes a boy. Because her very strong and tall." Angel
"She's hair is golden, though it is not really. I think it's very beautiful. Because the girls always like making themselves more beautiful. She's eyes are blue. I like her eyes, too. Jenn is very tall, also very strong. Jack said if Jenn was angry, nobody could fight with she. It's only a joke, don't be angry with me, please." Gary
"Jenn is very tall and strong, like a man, but she is very beautiful and always there is a smile on her face. . . . I think Jenn is good at P.E. and very strong. She is very brisk." Connie
"She was very tall and strong. I think she was good at sport, maybe American football." Sophia

Obviously, there is a theme here...

At the time, I didn't mind these comments. And yet, more recently, I've become very sensitive and self-conscious about this because I've been criticized for being too strong and not feminine enough. So, as a result, I now avoid strength training of any kind in favor of cardio, I won't wear t-shirts out in public, I always put on a little make-up before going out, and I'm growing out my hair. Why? Honestly? To try to fit the image of what I think guys want in a girl. In reality, I know that this past experience relates to a solitary guy whose opinion is likely not universal, and yet these wounds run deep; even though I hate that I give them such power in my present life, they still influence so many of my decisions.

For many reasons, I feel like I'm often seen as "just one of the guys." In some ways, I love this: I love that I can keep up with the boys playing sports or climbing things or taking crazy dares... But on the other hand, it scares me to think that perhaps, because I'm "just one of the guys," I'm somehow not dateable. I want my future husband to be my best friend, and it's very important to me to be able to play together since quality time is my primary love language.

In certain regards, yes, I am more like one of the guys: I'm not that emotional and I rarely cry; I don't take offense easily and can pretty much handle whatever you have to tell me; and I prefer to bond while doing something together rather than just talking. But there are many things about guys I still just don't get, like why they fart so much, or why they all seem to want motorcycles, or why they think violence is fun.

Even though I may seem strong and independent, I still feel weak a lot of the time, and I long for a man who will protect me. And I want to be the soft, gentle, encouraging, nurturing woman who makes my man feel that much stronger. I guess what I'm saying is that I am complex, and I hope and pray that I will be understood and cherished for my many unique characteristics rather than made to feel ashamed of who God made me. That's all.

Written Language in the Digital Age

2008-05-24T23:55:00.001-04:00

Emails, blogs, IMs, text messages... These new forms of communication have become the standard in our digital age and are undoubtedly more convenient than their precursors in many ways. And yet I can't help feeling like we're losing the art of written language as we become more reliant on these modern technologies. Maybe I'm too traditional, but I still prefer to read things with "proper" grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc., and I must admit that I judge people based on their writing skills. Poor grammar is the most offensive, followed by misspelling, and lastly punctuation (or lack thereof). If, however, you take the time to do these things well, I will respect you that much more. I should also confess that I always proofread even the most casual emails I send, and still feel rather uncomfortable IMing without capitalizing or punctuating. (Is that a word?) But don't get me wrong: I'm still a linguist rather than a grammarian. So go ahead and end a sentence with a preposition!

(And now I'm reading and rereading this post, wondering what errors people are going to point out... That's fine, feel free.)

No News Is... Maybe Not Good

2008-05-22T21:48:00.004-04:00

I've never really been interested in the news. But I'm beginning to feel rather ashamed of my apathy and ignorance.

When I was in China in 2004, a student asked me what I thought of Kerry. I had to ask him to repeat his question, not because I didn't understand the words he spoke but because I had no background information to connnect his words to in my mind. And that is how I learned who was running against Bush in the presidential election. (Don't worry, I didn't vote. Although that is perhaps disconcerting in and of itself and might become the topic of a future post...)

In China, I had the excuse of being far from home where it was difficult to access information about current events. It was also decidedly convenient NOT to have an opinion at times in order to avoid debates about sensitive subjects. But really, I just didn't care. Since I've been back in the States, I still haven't made it a priority to keep up-to-date on the goings-on of the world, or even my own country or city. I don't get the newspaper, I don't have cable or even an antenna to watch local channels on TV, and I don't visit news sites online. In fact, the only news source I currently follow is a handy email sent to me weekly from ZGBriefs, which highlights news stories from China. Yet I remain completely ignorant of the myriad newsworthy events occuring daily in the U.S. and throughout the rest of the world.

Why? Well, it's hard for me to care about things that don't affect me directly. But I'm beginning to think that perhaps my perception of "what affects me" is a little skewed. I mean, it's easy to see how knowing the weather forecast is useful, but maybe, just maybe, politics and wars and international relations and economic trends affect me more than I realize. So how do I cure this apathy?

What I Miss Most About China

2008-05-21T17:47:00.007-04:00

10. The accessibility of delicious, authentic Chinese cuisine
9. The convenience of public transportation
8. The opportunity to bargain for practically everything you buy
7. Being rich
6. Being famous
5. Being surrounded by another language
4. I loved my job
3. I got to experience some new adventure every day
2. I felt an incredible sense of purpose just being there
1. My students and friends :-)

No Regrets

2008-05-20T16:52:00.010-04:00

I have very few regrets in life. Even bad decisions I made or situations that turned out badly I tend to view as learning and growing experiences that have shaped me into the person that I am today. I'm even learning to praise God for these things because He always seems to find a way to bring good out of them.

But... I vividly recall one event from my past that I do still regret, and it continues to influence the decisions I make to this day.

One summer, my family took a vacation to Cancun, Mexico. In addition to enjoying the beach near our hotel, we also traveled around a bit and took in some sites, including Chichen Itza. Well, the weather that day wasn't the greatest, and after getting showered upon during our tour of the old Mayan ruins, I was grumpy. So when my dad asked if we wanted to climb to the top of the huge pyramid that dominates the center of this famous archealogical site, I said "no," and my mom and I waited at the bottom while my brother and dad climbed El Castillo. They enjoyed a completely different perspective from atop that pyramid that I may never have another opportunity to experience.

That is why, if I am ever asked to try some new and interesting thing, even if I'm not very excited about it, I will most likely do it anyway. Because I have never regretted trying something new, only missing out on opportunities like I did that summer in Mexico.

For example, even though the music was not my favorite, I still got some pretty cool pictures from the Beijing opera I attended in Harbin.

And even though the mountain streams and waterfall were crazy cold, I was still able to bond with my buddies in a way I couldn't have had I not just jumped right in.

Excessive Revelation

2008-05-19T17:58:00.005-04:00

I have this terrible habit of disclosing far more information than is necessary. Obviously, honesty and openness are to be valued, but at what point does it become excessive?

I'd really appreciate feedback on this one, too, since this is definitely an area that I struggle with. For example: In your experience, what kinds of information have you received that you really would have preferred NOT to have been told? (I use the word "information," but I'm probably referring to more personal things like thoughts or feelings...) On the other hand, have there been times when you wished that you had received more information or received it sooner? And finally, if you've ever been in a situation where you were tempted to disclose something that you suspected would be better left unsaid, how did you restrain yourself?